For being bloody annoyed with OH for falling asleep while looking after 8 year old DD

[Malteser73]

So I took our 5 year old to a birthday party this afternoon. OH said he would get tea ready for 5pm. I get home at 5 to find him asleep on the sofa with tea not prepared and DD saying she’s hungry. I exploded, calling him an irresponsible parent. Am I overreacting? I realise DD is old enough to fetch herself a snack if she was starving but even so? Just wondering what you all think, thanks x

YABU, but I totally understand. My dh has done this from time to time and I get really, really annoyed. I think it's because there's no way I'd leave the family without supper (or whatever). So even if I had a snooze on the couch I'd be aware enough to wake myself up when it's time to get family tasks done, particularly if it was something we had agreed together. He never seems to have that timeline running in his head and that's what gets me so annoyed.

OP if you’d written all of that in your first post you’d have got very, very different answers. It’s a pattern of behaviour, he’s lazy and from what you’ve said doesn’t contribute much to your relationship.

So after that massive drip feed I change my opinion to no, YWNU to explode and he needs to get a grip.

If your fuse is short now it’s just a matter of time before the negatives outweigh the good stuff. If he doesn’t add to your life and just makes things harder than they should be, is there any point?

X-post.

Why not put that in the OP?

Yeah an 8 year old could get herself a snack but why should she, her parent should be doing that for her

There are a lot of things an 8 year old can do, is the 'why should she' applicable to all of them? Or do we recognise that, as parents, sometimes shit happens and we can't be at their beck and call every minute.
I've fallen asleep many a time, hardly the end of the world. Kid can grab a snack or wake me if necessary. Otherwise, at 8, she'd have been fine and likely not faded away due to lack of food.
Massive overreaction.

Ah, the drip feed.

YABU

My DS is 8 and I'll often fall asleep I am ill. He is capable of amusing himself for an hour, and if there was a major problem I'm there.

Complete over reaction. I'd be miffed dinner wasn't prepared. Ds2 would gave been playing on the x box.

Thanks for your message, it’s the first time I’ve posted on here, I should have given more details shouldn’t I. What does OP stand for?

And what does drip feed mean?

Wow. Talk about drip feed.

OP is original poster ie person who started the thread.

Your second post puts a different complexion on things. He sounds quite lazy and yanbu to have lost the plot.

He's not "helping" you by doing his share of the chores by the way, he's an adult who should be undertaking some of the housework as a matter of course.

However, someone who's had problems with drink and subsequently has managed to abstain is to be admired. I hope he finds a job soon.

Drip feed is when you start a thread, people react then you give further pertinent info which may change the way many people would view the issue.

Is there a back story here? Does he have form for ignoring dc/not doing things he has promised to do?

A drip feed is when people leave relevant information out of their original post.

Ha - I posted after only reading the first page. I knew it.

Well, it’s up to you, op. Do his good points outweigh his bad?

Thanks creature of the night. Message understood about drip feeding

What does he bring to the relationship? Doesn’t work, useless around the house, has form for falling asleep/ignoring dc, but is ‘kind and decent’. Hum.

Yes YABU. She could have woken him up. Is it possible she was scared to wake him up? I'm suggesting this because the DCs Dad fell asleep over Christmas, he was genuinely knackered after working ridiculous hours, one of those "I'll just sit down five minutes" and you wake up half an hour later. I asked the DCs why they didn't wake him and they said they didn't want telling off.

He wouldn't have shouted at them of course.

But he's told them it's always fine to wake daddy up when needed (we are separated). I've occasionally fallen asleep too.

To the pp above mentioning SENs, both my children have SENs and I appreciate everybody with SENs is different bit both mine can get cereal, do a cold sandwich etc when they are hungry.

Nah, I get why you exploded. From your first post I suspected this was a pattern of behavior, my DH used to do the same all the time.
It was just laziness at the end of the day. And the assumption that I would just sort it.

On the plus side last time he napped while ‘looking after’ our DCs, DD took it upon herself to ‘do his make up’. With a sharpie...

I laughed so hard.

You shouldn’t be “exploding” at anyone. What sort of behaviour is that? The massive drip feed doesn’t excuse that.

You can’t say he’s a good dad who dotes on his kids then attack him yelling that he’s irrespondible.

He’s not. He’s tired. No one got maimed or died. 5 is early for dinner. You’ll all survive.

Your marriage won’t thrive if you “explode” often over such non events.

I’m sorry about your mum but it’s got nothing to do with you shouting at your husband. Especially in front of your children

But WHY did the dd not wake her dad up?

Seeing the MH issues etc... I suspect there is a history of him shout8ng if he is open up or her being told that daddy is ill an you need to leave him alone...

And WHY did she not help herself to a snack?
Again there will be a history (not being allowed, not available, too high whatever) so she didn’t feel she COULD help herself.

So before saying the OP is BU because an 8yo should be able to do all that, it’s important to know WHY she didn’t.
If it’s because actually she wasn’t so hungry, not a big problem.
If it’s because something PREVENTED to her do so, then it’s a totally different story....

Mine will often get hungry but not realise they are hungry. I'm always having to remind them to have a snack if they are getting hangry