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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell her to stfu about her wedding in 2020

119 replies

Ieatcake · 14/01/2018 18:56

It's two whole years away, surely no one apart from herself wants to hear anything about this party yet?

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 19:29

Not in my world they don't, people of all shapes and sizes are beautiful.

Of course they are, but plus sized women are often told otherwise, directly and indirectly.

Why would an an ambitious weight loss make someone excited?

Do you really not understand why a plus sized person might be excited at the prospect of losing a lot of weight? Weddings give a lot of women the motivation they wouldn't otherwise have. I know it shouldn't be that way, but it is. I may not like it, but I can't pretend that I find it inexplicable.

PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 19:30

Sorry for the double post, the website went a bit doolally there.

Wow1234 · 15/01/2018 19:38

I think the OP is perfectly entitled to find this a complete bore and still love her friend!!

I find the whole wedding thing very boring but I do understand to some it's very important. I would still be a BM to a best friend and fain enthusiasm as that's what you do for someone you love! Doesn't mean the OP can't have a good moan about it at times - we are all human! My worst bit of being a BM was going to a 'wedding fair' at the NEC - it was dire. So dull. So long. So much wandering around being accosted by people selling 'essential' wedding things. Makes me giggle thinking about it now though. At least there was champagne and a bar there lol.

As long as the bride does what makes her happy as a best mate you have to suck it up I think!

mamamalt · 15/01/2018 20:11

If you’re actually her friend surely you would just be happy for her?! This thread is horrible. I would never talk like this about my friends jokingly or not. Unless they were asking me to pay for the bloody thing

Sn0tnose · 15/01/2018 20:17

When the colour palette's an eyesore (all sorts of different tones that don't go together) You'd have hated mine! I can't think of anything that matched anything else. We had over 150 people to feed, water and entertain. Who has the time or the energy to muck about with colour palettes and stressing about two different shades of periwinkle blue? But all I see when I look at the photos are lots of people having lots of fun.

If it was a good friend, or a colleague I liked, I'd listen to wedding talk for hours. I flipping love weddings of people I care about. Even the ones that have been co-ordinated so the napkins match the bridesmaids knickers.

PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 20:34

You'd have hated mine!

I doubt it, if I liked you I'd have liked your wedding, as long as you were genuinely happy. But yeah, it's fair to say that the detail is what makes a huge difference in the general ambience of an event. You don't notice it or pick it apart while you're enjoying it (unless you've been ruined by the job!), but small things can make a huge difference if you've got something specific in mind.

Chair covers were the thing that stuck in my mind. Totally unnecessary, of course, and I didn't bother with them at my wedding - not worth the extra expense to us. But I can't deny they did make a room look very different, and in some cases they were necessary if the client wanted a particular aesthetic. (They weren't always weddings, in fact they were mostly business conferences.)

Who has the time or the energy to muck about with colour palettes and stressing about two different shades of periwinkle blue?

They rarely got into that level of detail (though some did!). But in the case of weddings, most people did want the bridal party's clothing all to complement each other and it really wasn't a terrible faff. In my case, my bridesmaids chose the colours they wanted off a colour wheel and the style they liked (we had the dresses made), and then my husband took the colour wheel when the men went to select suits.

Lots of people wouldn't be bothered by that level of detail, of course, but I wanted us to look like individuals in a cohesive group. It wasn't a major faff - in fact the men actually liked knowing what they were looking for and said it made the process quicker and easier. They were in and out in under an hour.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/01/2018 21:03

Slightly off topic but I once knew a bride who told me after the fact that the reason she’d asked one of the women to be her bridesmaid was to “motivate her to lose quite a lot of weight so she’d (look good in the photos) feel better about herself” and how disappointing it was her friend hadn’t made any effort to do so Shock

PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 21:18

Slightly off topic but I once knew a bride who told me after the fact that the reason she’d asked one of the women to be her bridesmaid was to “motivate her to lose quite a lot of weight so she’d (look good in the photos) feel better about herself” and how disappointing it was her friend hadn’t made any effort to do so

Well that is appalling.

mishfish · 15/01/2018 21:33

I know someone that’s been doing a count down for nearly 3 years. Weddings finally happening in August and I think everyone will be glad when it’s over. Goodness know what she will obsess over once those 24 hours are up.

PixelDust · 15/01/2018 21:51

MargaretRiver we love that venue it is very special to us. We both have large families that we want to invite.

My partner doesn't work 9-5 mon to fri. He works shifts and has fixed holidays (currently have a holiday booklet up until 2025). We want a saturday wedding with time afterwards to go on holiday. So forgive us if the only dates that suit are in 2020 !

nooka · 15/01/2018 21:54

My dh bought a new suit when we got married. I don't believe any of the other men there did. My mum wore the same dress she wore to my sisters wedding a few years before (and probably clashed quite badly with my sister's dress :)) I don't think my flowers coordinated with my bridesmaid's dresses.

The last wedding I went to the ushers wore ties in the same material as the bridesmaids dresses. It looked smart but it made zero difference to how much I (as a guest) enjoyed the wedding. What made a difference is that everyone was very very happy and the weather was spectacular (outdoor wedding).

Food, drink and music make a big difference, yes but most of the things people angst about are completely forgettable even the day after. The wedding industry has a lot to answer for. Overblown events that the couples can't really afford and involve stress for everyone involved.

Ieatcake · 16/01/2018 11:21

You mean most people don't remember the ribbon theme or the colour of the condom chair wrappers the next day?!

It's not letting up but I'm still faking interest for now.

Re the weight there is a bit of a back story, but does any bride really half their dress size in a healthy way and keep it off?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 16/01/2018 12:10

You're really obsessed with her wanting to lose this weight, huh?

No. Most people don't manage to diet and keep the weight off. That's statistical fact. And I hate the brides feel pressure to be slimmer than they usually are on their wedding day. But regardless of all these things, her decisions around her weight and her body are hers alone.

CruCru · 16/01/2018 12:23

Is she currently a size 20 or has she already lost quite a bit of weight? Without knowing her, it is hard to say but I'd think it might take 2 years to go from a 20 to a 10.

Can I suggest that you speak with her about the bridesmaid shoes? It sounds such a minor point but quite often brides get their bridesmaids to all wear the same shoes. No one else there will even notice but, unless they are very lucky, all the bridesmaids will be in agony (and will have spent a fortune on shoes that they hate). Suggest that you all agree a colour and buy your own shoes. You will need them for the bridesmaid dress fitting so the length of your dress is right.

pullingmyhairout1 · 16/01/2018 12:40

Went from an 18 to an 8 in 9 months. Lost 7 stone through calorie control and running. Have put back on but am only a 10 3 years later. So it can be done but it is hard work.

Ieatcake · 17/01/2018 14:55

She's currently a size 20, very much of the life is too short so might as well eat what you like.

I agree it could take 2 years, she's not looking to start on the weight loss untill next year though. It just all sounds unrealistic

OP posts:
peachgreen · 17/01/2018 14:59

Why are you so obsessed with her weight and planned weight loss?

Ieatcake · 17/01/2018 15:06

No matter how much you keep saying I'm obsessed I'm just replying to you saying I'm obsessed!

Because it's the most unhealthy part about it all so far.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 17/01/2018 15:11

I would never shame or judge anyone, but a size 20 person probably would enjoy health benefits from losing weight.

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