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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her to stfu about her wedding in 2020

119 replies

Ieatcake · 14/01/2018 18:56

It's two whole years away, surely no one apart from herself wants to hear anything about this party yet?

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 14/01/2018 20:30

Wedding planning is like interior design.

Some people take it incredibly seriously in much detail. Others pop out and get it done, bish bash bosh.

There is no right way - it’s their house / marriage, let them crack on.

Sparklingbrook · 14/01/2018 20:32

I got married in church on a Sunday.

MarieNostra · 14/01/2018 20:32

OK, for some planning a couple of years ahead due to work committments is necessary, but you don't have to tell everyone until it's nearer the time surely!

ChickenVindaloo2 · 14/01/2018 20:41

Haha. When someone says "I'm engaged! We're getting married in 2020" (or whatever). I just say "congratulations, maybe I'll beat you to it" (I'm single but have a history of whirlwind romances!)

Nefney14 · 14/01/2018 21:01

I must be odd because I genuinely love hearing about my friends weddings. I enjoy sharing in their excitement and happiness and it's nice to have something positive to focus on occasionally :)

juliesaway · 14/01/2018 21:02

Ridiculous, we got engaged in January and married by May one year. No need for all the fuss and nonsense. People who have very little else in their lives are the ones who do this wedding obsession thing for years. “Colour schemes”? 🤮

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/01/2018 21:17

Colour schemes. Indeed. And sweetie nuggets that only have sweets in them which match the scheme.

I remember trying to kept a straight face.

It looked lovely, honestly it did. But I went to several weddings the same year for fractions of the budget and with much shorter engagements that were just as pretty, well planned, meaningful, happy, more individual and memorable and where, because of less bullshit leading up to them, the couples’ friends and family were still talking to them rather than exhausted and jaded by it all.

Sparklingbrook · 14/01/2018 21:18

Are colour schemes not a thing now? Do you just have any old mix?

Yorkshirebetty · 14/01/2018 23:24

Oh god, this reminds me of a work colleague I had some years ago. She has a two year engagement. For two years we had all the wedding details, plans etc. Every day. Two years. It was dreadful. They were married for three years and then had a very bitter divorce.

SilenceIsBroken · 15/01/2018 06:00

"Are colour schemes not a thing now? Do you just have any old mix?"

Can you imagine how dreadful a multi-coloured wedding would be?! Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/01/2018 06:32

Can I suggest you get yourself to a place on Earth without the Internet? Somewhere living amongst local tribespeople?

AstridWhite · 15/01/2018 06:39

Two years? Oooh, painful.

I understand her excitement but someone is going to have to politely tell her to tone it down a bit or you will all have spontaneously combusted by then.

Personally I think two years ahead is too soon to be announcing bridesmaids (you could fall out, they could emigrate to Australia or be heavily pregnant by then) and too soon to be doing anything but booking venues and associated services. Too soon to be making irreversible decisions about dresses.

Don't start boring anyone but your Mum with any of it until 12 months before. Once dresses etc. are chosen don't bore anyone with any of the other minutae unless they really need to know, and only then in the last few weeks.

peachgreen · 15/01/2018 06:47

Ach, it can be a little bit infuriating when people go wedding-crazy but this thread feels so mean-spirited - I'd hate to think one of my bridesmaids (and presumably closest friends) might be on an anonymous Internet forum bitching and sniggering about my wedding.

(And I say that as someone who planned their very low-key, fuss-free wedding in less than 6 months - and never had a single WhatsApp thread!)

altiara · 15/01/2018 08:24

Peach I’m pretty sure you’re friends weren’t saying I wish she took longer to get married and had a more fussy wedding and included us in every detail Grin

I’m sure OP was happy for her friend to be engaged, but posters are right, no one is that interested in other people’s weddings, so some interest definitely, some conversations about it, but not in every single detail starting 2 years in advance!
And better OP vents anonymously than to real life friends, that would be much worse!

ShatnersWig · 15/01/2018 08:30

Batteries said There is no right way - it’s their house / marriage, let them crack on

I think that's fine IF they crack on and get on with it themselves and not involve everyone else in it for two whole years.

peachgreen · 15/01/2018 09:44

@altiara Haha, I'm sure they weren't but I would hope that they would love me enough to have indulged me if I had been the type to bang on about it. Or at least not said unkind things behind my back. It just makes me sad to think that she'll stand up on her wedding day with what she thinks is her closest friends when actually one of them has been mocking her behind her back. But I accept I'm in the minority!

Tangofandango · 15/01/2018 09:53

TheFrendo if we're being really pedantic it should be "no one, apart from she, ..."

Original poster
Ieatcake · 15/01/2018 09:54

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm more worried about her once this is over

OP posts:
Lakitu101 · 15/01/2018 09:57

Mute the WhatsApp thread for a while that will give you some breathing space.

PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 10:10

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm more worried about her once this is over

I've just re-read your OP, and your additional post about 'faking interest', and there is absolutely nothing in them to suggest that you're motivated by altruistic worry and concern for her wellbeing. If anything, you sound a bit jealous.

There's nothing wrong with finding it boring and tedious (although I'd hope you'd be at least a little bit pleased she's happy?), but just own it, yeah?

VileyRose · 15/01/2018 10:20

I'm getting married in 12 weeks and I don't talk about it at all really.

Original poster
Ieatcake · 15/01/2018 10:21

I'm surprised it's taken until page 3 for someone to assume I'm jelous Biscuit

I'm a part of the wedding, I think it would be ruder to not fake interest.

It's on mute but annoyingly it still shows up as not read and counts towards the message count so have to click there every so often to mark it as read

OP posts:
MammaAgata · 15/01/2018 10:26

Grim.. I agree with you and couldn’t bear to listen to all the arrangements over the next 2 years.. I got engaged and married to the day in 5 mths. Engaged on 16th of a month and married 5mths later on the 16th. Big wedding, married in local church, 100 odd guests in big hotel etc. Organised by me and DH pretty much single handed (apart from help from my sister). I went to one dress shop, spent and hour in there and bought the 3rd dress I tried on. And I was working full time in a stressful job. I couldn’t bear to string it out, once I got engaged I just wanted to be married, but I was an older first time bride (41). I wonder if that had something to do with it?

PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 10:27

I'm getting married in 12 weeks and I don't talk about it at all really.

It actually makes me really sad that all the bitchy, mean spirited and inverted snobbery on this thread have made you feel that you have to assert this.

I get really tired of the competitive shit weddings threads. I've never seen a thread where women were boasting about how expensive and foofy their dresses were, how many guests they had and how exotic the meal was.

But if I had a penny for every thread about "Well, I never had anything as vulgar as a COLOUR SCHEME, only a total snob whose marriage won't last five minutes would do something as ridiculous as look at a few colour wheels and choose one they liked", "'Well I got married in a shed with garden gnomes for witnesses and it cost me £2.50", "Yeah, well, when WE got married I hired someone to punch everyone in the face as they came in THEREFORE I WIN" bollocks, well.....I'd have been able to afford a bigger wedding.

PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 10:30

I'm surprised it's taken until page 3 for someone to assume I'm jelous

I'm surprised you were sailing along for three pages before you realised you had better decide you are in fact just agonising with worry for your poor misguided dear friend. It was that transparent about face that gave you away, actually. Now you know for next time.