To tell her to stfu about her wedding in 2020

[Ieatcake]

It's two whole years away, surely no one apart from herself wants to hear anything about this party yet?

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm more worried about her once this is over

Well, lots of women (and men!) feel a bit down after their wedding - that's not unusual. (Lots don't, too, but I don't really think their pre-wedding level of excitement has anything to do with it.) They all cope!

Anyway, you said she's only recently engaged. This is just the first flurry. Let her be excited. It won't last forever.

You feel really sad that someone has just started they are getting married in three months and don't talk about it much

She didn't express a view either way about it, just stated it..

*Stated

I feel sad that the nasty attitudes on this thread, which are all too common, have prompted some innocent engaged woman to feel she needs to reassure you all that although she's getting married, she absolutely doesn't talk about it so hopefully you will all approve of that.

You're not wrong to find it tedious and dull, especially if it's been going on a long time, as I said in my first post on here. (Eating up your data with pictures is really off.)

You lost me when you suddenly decided that actually it's all motivated by sheer selfless CONCERN. It's quite clearly not, so just own it.

Well, on second thought, perhaps I'm attributing motives to that poster which don't exist...I don't know. Sorry if I am. Just read that way to me.

I stand by the faux concern claim though.

Well you sure are reading things that aren't there.

I am concerned, did you not read the post about she's obsessed with wanting to go from a 20 to a 10, that's a bit worrying as she's been a large size since being a teen. It will be a real struggle to do that as her body is used to always being large. But I can't really say anything

This is not a dig at the poster who said something similar, but when I read "we can't get married for 2-3 yrs because my venue is not free on the days we want"

I always think - so why is this "your venue", if it's so unsuitable for your needs (similarly to when "we have 100 family & friends who we would love to be there, but our venue only seats 25"

It's as though "their venue" is somehow dictated to them by the wedding gods.

Rather than allowing themselves to think that they are making a choice that places more importance on that particular venue than on being married to their DF soon, or on having most of the people they love there

I'm not saying that that they would necessarily be bad choices, but I wish that people would own it as their own choice, rather than implying its due to circumstances beyond their control

Sorry but 2020!!!

I would not be able to resist musing aloud I'm afraid. 'Isn't it weird to be talking about something that's supposed to happen in 2020! That feels so far away! I wonder what will be happening in the world then. Whether we'll all be here working in the same group as we are. Whether the wedding will happen at all! So strange...'

She'll go batshit if you do that I guess though 😁

Weddings interest me. I would be happy to be a bridesmaid for a 2020 wedding and indulge in all the wedding chat run up.

If we’re scoring MN wedding points I had a small, cheap wedding after a 5m engagement. Was right for us and a wonderful day, still going strong a decade and three kids later.

But that was me. Not them. All I care about with my friends is that they do it the way that is right for them.

I still don’t understand why OP has agreed to be a bridesmaid if she doesn’t approve of the talking / the weight loss plan / the long engagement. If you’re close enough to be asked, you’re close enough to say weddings aren’t my thing, I’d make a crap ‘big wedding bridesmaid’ IMO.

Couldn't agree more @MargaretRiver

Baffling.

Likewise, "we have 250 incredibly close friends and family but we can only afford somewhere often a stately home with swans and chandeliers that seats 25, so I'm telling my siblings they can't bring their souses, my friends they can't bring their children, and my parents only if they lose half their body weight so they can share a chair"

It's just priorities and it's frustrating when people won't own them.

If you have 250 close friends and family, hire a village hall for £300 and get a local restaurant to bring a buffet. If it matters that you have everyone you love there, have everyone you love there.

If you want to be married, get on with being married, none of the rest of it matters. There is no venue, menu, dress, flowers, photographer, cake or rings that will guarantee it lasts.

By ALL means, have the wedding you want, celebrate however you want to, HAVE a stunning dress, amazing food, hand make the invitations, make it personal and gorgeous. DON'T make it everyone else's problem. Don't bankrupt yourself. Don't be a dick about it, you're not the only one with life events and yours isn't for another 2 years.

I didnt know accepting the offer to be a bridesmaid would mean over 600 days of updates!

They are talking about Vegas for the hen do, Im not sure if I'll even go to that..

Well indeed OP.

You never know. Things may calm down with the occasional bubble of activity/requests.

Don't be daft about Vegas. Are the others likely to want to do that? You couldn't pay me to go, and I imagine you'll all have to pay... Probably, from the sounds of the woman, also for her. I certainly couldn't afford it and if I could I'd be having a swanky holiday with my husband not spunking it on a hen do!

You've agreed to wear a dress of her choosing, for one day in 2 years time. You might have to hold her bouquet during the service. yes, there'll be some listening to her thoughts and ideas along the way, maybe a wedding fair (vom, but some people like them, bonus is the free cake), but you don't have to reply to every single message.

She's asked for a bridesmaid not a personal secretary or a slave.

If you let her dominate your life or use this as an excuse to trample all over you then your friendship will be long dead by then anyway.

You're thrilled she's happy and in love, weddings are a celebration of joy and hope for the future. You don't need to give an opinion on the teeny tiny details or to let listening to/helping to plan her big day become an unpaid second job.

I've been a bridesmaid 6 times. I'm retiring after one this year and one last one next year. I've had enough fun.

Honestly, being a bridesmaid should be an honour and a laugh. It's not a license for one person in a friendship group to take over, especially not when it's such a long engagement and you're all going to have stuff going on in the meantime.

Weddings are a bore in the extreme, especially the big ones that take bloody years to plan. Get a grip. No one except your nearest and dearest gives a fuck that you're getting married. I'd unsubscribe to the WhatsApp group and take a step back. As for Vegas for a hen do, NFW. Ridiculous to expect people to spunk thousands of pounds on their stupid party.

Why did you accept being her bridesmaid when you clearly don't like her much?

Yes it can be annoying when people go on and on but she's supposed to be someone you're close to?

Leatcake I think like you the OP should just make her own way and absent herself from whatsapp or whatever if she's finding it hard.

And of course she could just close this whole thread down by accepting she can either refuse to get in on the 2020 enthusiasm and just refusing to go to Vegas for a hen week and make sure the bride knows OPs reservations.

However there does seem to be increasing resistance to the over the top £25000 wedding with endless commitment from bridesmaids and groomsmen and guests. People just need to learn to say no. But there would be an end to the bridezilla threads ....

@peachgreen no I totally agree with you, I’d be excited for my friend and be interested if she’s started to plan the wedding or when she’ll start to plan the wedding and I’d expect it to be the main topic of conversation to start with. But I think I would get fed up if it was the only topic of conversation for 2.5 years. As she’s only just got engaged, then it is mean not to let a new btb not be excited about their wedding when you’re such good friend that you’ve been asked to be BM

You've been pretty quick to specify that you think her idea of going from a 20 to a size 10 is ridiculous.

I get that it all seems a bit much now; it'll calm down. It's a happy period in her life. I'd either fake it til you make it in terms of enthusiasm or bow it

Lots of snide comments in here over long engagements. I'm not getting married until 2020 for various reasons - wanting to save up, wanting to take my time with wedding planning, have other things to concentrate on in the meantime. We're going to be married for the rest of our lives (hopefully...) so I can easily wait another two years.

I am concerned, did you not read the post about she's obsessed with wanting to go from a 20 to a 10

Yes, and I actually thought that might be why she's so excited to be engaged, because plus size women are so often told how ugly and unlovable they must be. But I thought perhaps I'd better not go there.

And there was nothing in that post to suggest you were concerned about it. In fact, you said it was "all a bit extra". I don't know why you would be worried, it's entirely possible to lose that amount of weight safely in two years if you're disciplined.

If in six months time you think she's developing an eating disorder, that's another matter.

You're bored by her going on, fair enough, just own it and don't pretend it's because you're concerned. You're plainly not.

@PoorYorick

"'Well I got married in a shed with garden gnomes for witnesses and it cost me £2.50"

LOL!!!!!!

I also get annoyed at the race to the bottom in wedding threads.

Re the OP, yeah it would drive me nuts hearing (constantly) about a wedding that was over 2 years away.

If I were the OP though, I would step down from being a bridesmaid.

Glad you liked

Full disclosure: I once worked briefly in events management. Weddings of the kind we're discussing are essentially big parties. I know the organisation side of things isn't very interesting to hear about (it's even less fun to arrange over and over again), but ultimately, you want your guests to have fun. When the colour palette's an eyesore (all sorts of different tones that don't go together), the music's shit, the venue's falling down and the timing's all over the place....people just have a shit time.

I can't say I'd care if the wedding favours didn't match the bridesmaids' dresses. But I don't think using a colour wheel to choose the bridal party's outfits in order to prevent a clashing, mismatched mess is the ultimate in vapid self-indulgence, or a sign that the marriage won't last ten minutes.

I also actually really like weddings. I like getting dressed up, having a free meal and wine, going dancing and seeing people I care about being happy.

I must be a freak.

Yes, and I actually thought that might be why she's so excited to be engaged, because plus size women are so often told how ugly and unlovable they must be. But I thought perhaps I'd better not go there.

Not in my world they don't, people of all shapes and sizes are beautiful.

Why would an an ambitious weight loss make someone excited?

Not in my world they don't, people of all shapes and sizes are beautiful.

Of course they are, but plus sized women are often told otherwise, directly and indirectly.

Why would an an ambitious weight loss make someone excited?

Do you really not understand why a plus sized person might be excited at the prospect of losing a lot of weight? Weddings give a lot of women the motivation they wouldn't otherwise have. I know it shouldn't be that way, but it is. I may not like it, but I can't pretend that I find it inexplicable.

Not in my world they don't, people of all shapes and sizes are beautiful.

Of course they are, but plus sized women are often told otherwise.

Why would an an ambitious weight loss make someone excited?

Do you really not understand why a plus sized person might be excited at the prospect of losing a lot of weight? Weddings give a lot of women the motivation they wouldn't otherwise have. I know it shouldn't be that way, but it is. I may not like it, but I can't pretend that I find it inexplicable.