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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men and wedding rings - AIBU?

128 replies

1ndig0 · 14/01/2018 17:11

DH and I are renewing our vows next summer after 15 years (his idea, he "proposed"). When we got married, he didn't want a ring and, at the time, I didn't think much of it. This time we are aiming for a more personalised ceremony. When I said I would like to get him a ring too this time, he said not to bother because he's "not a jewellery person" and he said there's no point in men's jewellery anyway. Some of my friends think it would be odd if I receive a ring, but I don't give him one in return. AIBU to think most men do wear wedding rings these days (he thinks not)? I realise that this is hardly a world crisis, but I do feel as if I would like to give him a ring and was wondering if this is indeed the norm for most people these days?

OP posts:
kw1091 · 14/01/2018 22:20

My mum and dad have been married 31 years and he’s never worn a right. I personally think jewellery on men looks horrible so I wouldn’t mind if my partner decided not to wear one if we get married.

TheDowagerCuntess · 15/01/2018 01:57

I personally think jewellery on men looks horrible so I wouldn’t mind if my partner decided not to wear one if we get married.

Well, yes, a medallion on a hairy chest, earrings in one or both ears, and a range of rings on multiple fingers does indeed look horrible - I don't think you'd get many disagreeing there.

A single, simple band though? Not sure how that can look 'horrible', but each person's taste is their own...

notangelinajolie · 15/01/2018 02:08

I couldn't imagine DH wearing jewellery ever. I think me and DDs would fall about in hysterical laughter if he did. Married 28 years and I've never taken my wedding ring off and I never will but I would never expect DH to wear one if he didn't want to. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter.

AnUtterIdiot · 15/01/2018 02:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DecemberCat · 15/01/2018 02:17

My dad is a mechanic and has never worn his wedding ring. I was quite surprised when i got engaged and my fiance said he wanted one! Just depends on their personality I guess and if it is safe with their job (degloving injuries are not pretty)

DunedinGirl · 15/01/2018 03:26

What's good for the goose is good for the gander in my opinion. I would have refused to wear a wedding ring if my husband had objected to his. I can't think of anyone I know, male or female, whi doesn't wear theirs permanently, unless they have to remove it for work purposes.

Gladiola44 · 15/01/2018 04:36

Lots of cool wives on this thread happy to put up with double standards. If your husband likes you wearing a ring, it’s pretty weird that he won’t wear one. Even someone not used to jewellery will get used to it within days.

OP, you are perfectly right to question why he won’t wear a ring, most married men do and it’s not at all a fad! Many men and women love to wear rings as an outward symbol of their love and commitment to each other. I think it’s lovely.

MrsDilber · 15/01/2018 04:40

I've been married 25 years and DH found his ring was driving him potty, also not a jewellery person, so he took it off early in our marriage. A few years back, I bought a ring that was circular, he went and bought himself one as a wedding ring, it's comfortable, not flashy and he loves it. Maybe a more comfy ring would help?

I didn't mind him not wearing a ring, if you're not married in your head, whether you've got a ring on or not, what does it matter?

Flashinggreen · 15/01/2018 04:41

My Dad doesn’t wear a ring but did have one, got bitten on the hand by a mosquito and it swelled, he got claustrophobia of the fingers according to him! He also wears no jewellery including a watch.

It was important to me that my DH had a ring in the same way it was important to him I changed my name. Neither of us were sure we wanted to but we did and 13 years later I still us my married name and his ring stays on. When I look at his ring it makes me think of the commitment he made to me.

mailTo · 15/01/2018 08:27

Rings for men tend to be quite inexpensive (relatively, of course). You could give him one - it needn't be worn.

Why do you care? Surely the important thing is the strength of your marriage? Speaking of which, whenever I hear about vow-renewal, my first though is "which one shagged around?"

Original poster
1ndig0 · 15/01/2018 08:40

If people are wondering which one of us had the affair they haven't said anything! It's not that in our case (honest) Confused I think it's more that he's got to a point where he has the time to take stock because his work has taken over our lives for years. I did say to him there was no need for a bling ring, it would just be a band obviously, but he said he doesn't want to be given one at all because it's pointless. Anyway, I can see he's not he only one going from the comments on here, so fair enough.

OP posts:
Piewraith · 15/01/2018 08:53

It seems a bit mean of him not to even exchange one for the ceremony if that's something you would like. Plain wedding bands can be had cheaply. My DH only wears his when we go out, and we rarely if ever go out, but that's fine. It wasn't expensive so only occasionally wearing it doesn't seem wasteful.

bfgdreamtree · 15/01/2018 09:01

It seems like loads of people don't do rings then, so clearly he is NBU!

He's not being unreasonable even if every other man in the world wears a wedding ring! Your want to give him a ring is not more important than him not wanting to wear one.

juliesaway · 15/01/2018 09:12

Whenever I hear people say they are renewing their vows it always makes me think one has been unfaithful. Refusal to wear a ring would make me doubly suspicious.

Briandouglas · 15/01/2018 09:14

How about exchanging haribo rings? :)

MaidOfStars · 15/01/2018 09:19

Husband and I have tungsten carbide bands. It’s just about the hardest substance known to man - I scratch bricks with it, and it’s still perfect (although I understand they have to be smashed rather than cut off in an emergency). Neither of us were bothered about jewellery but wanted to appease parents, and we’re both scientists, so the metal alloy thing was interesting.

(I realised before the wedding that the colour was too grey for my dress, so rush bought a silver job from Tiffany, which then went on honeymoon with me, before being packed away in the ‘wedding stuff’ box.)

I don’t have my ring on now. Not sure where it is. I do too many different activities so it tends to stay off during the week. It will be in my rucksack somewhere.

Husband wears his outside the house and takes it (and his watch) off in the house.

juliesaway · 15/01/2018 09:20

I always think when I hear that Prince William doesn’t wear a ring it’s a power thing and poor Kate has to put up with him playing around as a gentleman prince. Dunno why it always comes across as really dandyish, “oh, I’m married but dont worry I don’t wear a wedding ring. But my wife does, poor sap”.

VileyRose · 15/01/2018 09:22

My OH wears an oak ring.

BrownLiverSpot · 15/01/2018 09:25

Dh and I aren't jewellery people either, only wedding bands. He wears two wedding bands, his original that we though we lost and its replacement. I only have one, I chose to keep my engagement ring as the wedding band as well. I think nowadays most men do tend to wear the ring unless they can't for their job.

ToriaPumpkin · 15/01/2018 09:31

My step dad doesn't have a ring, he's just not a jewellery person. My dad had one. My husband has one but doesn't wear it all the time as he finds rings uncomfortable, he climbs and he works with machinery and doesn't want his finger ripped off/degloved. I work in a building full of men and didn't know three of them were married, despite seeing them every day, until they brought their wives to a social event because they only wear their rings outside of work. Coincidentally, one of the women at work rarely wears hers to work either because it's big and heavy and gets in her way.

I wear mine every day, but I like jewellery and I designed it myself. If I take it off my husband will notice but I can't imagine he'd be that worried that there was some deeper meaning behind it.

So no, if he's not going to wear it then he's not being unreasonable to ask you not to get him one. With my mum and step dad they changed the vows to accommodate him not receiving a ring, it wasn't a bit issue.

bfgdreamtree · 15/01/2018 11:41

I always think when I hear that Prince William doesn’t wear a ring it’s a power thing and poor Kate has to put up with him playing around as a gentleman prince. Dunno why it always comes across as really dandyish, “oh, I’m married but dont worry I don’t wear a wedding ring. But my wife does, poor sap

That's a very silly attitude. Plus he's not anything like that (and couldn't get away with it anyway). I don't wear a ring while my husband does, is he a poor sap? Is it a power thing?

Nobody has to wear a wedding ring.

Trinity66 · 15/01/2018 11:43

My husband wears his all the time but I mean if he hates jewelry and he hasn't worn one all though you marriage up till now, why is it even an issue?

and no I don't think it's odd about you not getting him a ring if he doesn't want one, it would be a bit of a waste

TheDowagerCuntess · 15/01/2018 16:46

I dunno - it seems kind of bizarre that he is so keen to renew vows (it being his idea 'n all), but doesn't want the ring.

I mean, renewing vows seems like quite a pointless thing to do - it's only ceremonial - you've already said your vows and, I presume, meant them at the time (they don't expire).

So when you agree, and get on board with the idea by suggesting you give him a ring - he says no....?

It's all on his terms. Nice that he isn't willing to do even one small thing that would make you happy.

Gladiola44 · 15/01/2018 23:05

Plus he's not anything like that (and couldn't get away with it anyway).

How do you know he’s not anything like that? None of us know what he thinks. And it’s not like any other royal (cough Prince Philip/Charles et al) has had an affair either.

I’m not saying Prince William has, just that we may never know. Royals get away with all sorts.

Ellisandra · 15/01/2018 23:16

Wouldn't matter if your survey says every single man on the planet wears one - he doesn't want to. End of.

Also in the Hmm camp that you feel he thinks you ought to wear one though.