Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men and wedding rings - AIBU?

128 replies

1ndig0 · 14/01/2018 17:11

DH and I are renewing our vows next summer after 15 years (his idea, he "proposed"). When we got married, he didn't want a ring and, at the time, I didn't think much of it. This time we are aiming for a more personalised ceremony. When I said I would like to get him a ring too this time, he said not to bother because he's "not a jewellery person" and he said there's no point in men's jewellery anyway. Some of my friends think it would be odd if I receive a ring, but I don't give him one in return. AIBU to think most men do wear wedding rings these days (he thinks not)? I realise that this is hardly a world crisis, but I do feel as if I would like to give him a ring and was wondering if this is indeed the norm for most people these days?

OP posts:
Parky04 · 14/01/2018 18:26

I do not wear a wedding ring. I do not like to wear jewellery. My DW has never been bothered (that is what she tells me anyway) although I did get her a ring.

TwoBlueFish · 14/01/2018 18:27

My DH doesn’t wear one, he doesn’t wear any jewelry or a watch. We bought a £4.99 one from Argos for the actual ceremony and it’s sat in a box ever since.

Why does it matter to you so much that he wears one? Why the sudden change now after 15 years without him wearing one.

Scarydinosaurs · 14/01/2018 18:27

Cuff links?

DeadButDelicious · 14/01/2018 18:31

My husband doesn't wear a ring anymore. He did when we first married. It never fit properly and got lost at a gig, just slid off his finger (he is very, very slim at the best of timed and had lost a bit of extra weight through illness so it really couldn't be helped) The nature of his job now means it isn't safe for him to wear one at work so we just never replaced it. I'm not all that bothered. The absence of it makes us no less married.

If your husband has never worn one and isn't a jewellery person then I see no reason why he should get one now. It would be a waste. And who cares what your friends think? They aren't marrying him.

Bambamber · 14/01/2018 18:34

My husband rarely wears his ring. I often take mine off and forget to put it back on, I don't see the issue in not having a ring at all

Tipsntoes · 14/01/2018 18:36

I expect your friends are more concerned about the reason these vows need renewing than the actual lack of a ring, although reluctance to wear a ring may raise some of the same concerns.

Original poster
1ndig0 · 14/01/2018 18:38

Yes he does wear cuff-links so I could get him those as a gift. Thankyou. I just got this idea in my head about a ring, for some reason. It's important to him that I wear mine, so I was wondering why he wouldn't feel the same way in return. But if he's not a jewellery person, then there's not a lot I can do about it obviously.

OP posts:
OhBeggerItsChristmas · 14/01/2018 18:39

If he won't wear a ring, watch, other jewelry would he have need of cuff links, could get some to match your new wedding ring.

Or get him a ring for the ceremony but you could have it afterwards to wear on a chain. Or get one suitable to make into ear rings afterwards for you? Maybe get one studded with 15 diamonds for you and something similar for DH, which could be made into matching ear rings.

yikesanotherbooboo · 14/01/2018 18:42

Quite, if he doesn't want a ring why ever would you get him a present of a ring?
I'm quite old and am not a fan of wedding rings on men unless the man in question has particularly long, elegant fingers. I think they can have a tendency to look a bit gangsterish or as if the partner wants their DH labelled as taken.
It is much less to do with your friends than it is to do with what your DH wants.

Parker231 · 14/01/2018 18:43

OP (and others). Why is it important to your DH that you wear a wedding ring?

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 14/01/2018 18:48

Why is it important that you wear yours if he doesn’t wear one...? That’s a bit weird imo.

Slarti · 14/01/2018 18:52

I always assumed all married men wore a wedding ring! When one of my friends told me he didn't I was quite shocked. I've never worn jewellery myself but never take my wedding ring off. (I'm a man)

TeachesOfPeaches · 14/01/2018 18:53

Apparent it's quite plebeian for a man to wear a wedding ring. Prince William doesn't wear one.

Original poster
1ndig0 · 14/01/2018 18:57

I can understand why he feels my rings should be important to me because the engagement ring is obviously what he proposed with and the wedding ring is symbolic of that. I think he would be upset if I took them off, not that I would. This time he proposed with a lindor chocolate and a bracelet, but it's not one I can wear everyday.

OP posts:
Tipsntoes · 14/01/2018 19:00

Why is it important to him that yo wear yours? He wants you to show the world you're taken, but not the other way round?

I agree with PPs who say a ring on a man isn't always a good look (and I've heard that it's considered a bit "common" in some circles too) but he can't insist you wear yours at the same time as refusing to wear one of his own.

However, as this issue is coming up now after 15 years, I suspect it runs deeper than rings.

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/01/2018 19:01

I can understand why he feels my rings should be important to me because the engagement ring is obviously what he proposed with and the wedding ring is symbolic of that. I think he would be upset if I took them off, not that I would.

This is really nothing more than a double standard.

Why is it ok for him to think it's important that you wear your ring(s) - which you understand and accommodate - and yet he won't do the same for you?

I mean, you can't force him to wear it if he doesn't want to. But the double standard of him expecting you to do something he won't, would really grate.

53rdWay · 14/01/2018 19:03

I think both “rings are an important symbol of our love and commitment” and “rings are a trivial bit of jewellery” are both reasonable positions, but it’s not reasonable to say “yours is important, mine is trivial.”

Original poster
1ndig0 · 14/01/2018 19:32

Yes well I guess so, but he does mean well overall. I was just wondering if he was unusual for not wanting a ring, but it seems most people think he's not at all, so thank you!

OP posts:
blackberryfairy · 14/01/2018 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustHereForThePooStories · 14/01/2018 19:36

Chances are, several of your friends are thinking that the vow renewal is due to infidelity so I wouldn’t be too concerned about their opinion on rings.

HildaZelda · 14/01/2018 19:36

DH wears his ALL the time. I suspect it may not even come off anymore actually. Mine are on and off constantly so half the time I don't even wear them. He couldn't care less but MIL has passed plenty of snidey comments.

Skowvegas · 14/01/2018 19:46

My dh has lost two wedding rings 🙄 the first one was a Tiffany’s ring, the second was a crappy band he bought to replace it. He’s not forgiven

I also lost my Tiffany wedding ring Blush

onecrazycook · 14/01/2018 20:07

My DH lost his once and he was almost in tears. I told him I'd get him a new one but he was just beside himself because that ring "was the one". Thankfully he found it.
It's just a matter of personal choice though- mind you, I do know of a guy who takes his off when he goes out with "the lads"

Longdistance · 14/01/2018 22:05

@Skowvegas it wasn’t because it was Tiffany’s, it held sentimental value. We went to NY for Christmas and New Year, and chose them for our wedding. So was quite special for him too, as he’d never been to NY before.
When he lost it, he denied he’d lost it, but had a crappy wedding ring replacement which he lost anyway (in London on the piss). I still have all my rings after 12 years. They don’t often leave my fingers.
I’ve been promised the fabulous diamond eternity ring, which includes the loss of his wedding rings. I’m still waiting...

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 14/01/2018 22:09

I think it’s unusual to not want a ring if you want your spouse to wear one.

The wedding ring you’d give him could be symbolic of you accepting his proposal. Or could be a symbol for your wedding. Just like yours...

I don’t quite understand this attitude, tbh.

Swipe left for the next trending thread