Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Less of an AIBU and more of a what have I done wrong.

82 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:05

I have posted on here before about my mum well now things have got worse she is now not speaking to me I haven't heard off her since new years eve and I've only seen her twice since Christmas I know she sees and speaks to my sister because she looks after my 4 year old niece for my sister but I seem to be getting ignored unless they want something and I can't understand what it is that I've done wrong. My sister said she is doing the same thing to her but I doubt I even get ignored on FB. It took me 2 days of asking just to get my parcels off her because she had a never ending supply of excuses at the ready as to why she couldn't bring them through even though it was her idea for me to get all my stuff delivered to her because where I live I struggle to get my post. The final straw was on Friday I phoned her up to ask her if she could pick me up from the shop because I had bought more than I was able to carry home and I got told that I would have to just wait at the shop for her in the freezing cold and the dark because she had her neighbourgh round and she was having a drink I was stood there for an hour and in the end my boyfriend's family came and picked me up I never ask her for help and the only time they bother with me is when they need something. It's just really upsetting me because I really can't understand why she's being so off with me and treating me like I just don't exist or matter.

Sorry that was a long one and a bit of ramble.

OP posts:

CrazyOldBagLady · 14/01/2018 05:12

I can’t tell what your mum has done wrong here, from what you have written. It was kind of her to accept your deliveries but you should be picking them up from hers rather than expecting her to bring to you.

If you had bought more shopping than you could carry it’s not up to her to drop everything and pick you up. If she had been drinking then she would not be able to come anyway. It was your own fault you were left stuck in the cold I’m afraid.

Maybe there is more to the story but so far it does sound as if YABU.

LolitaLempicka · 14/01/2018 05:16

I never ask her for help but you do, you asked her to pick you up from the shop. I would not run around after my grown child giving them lifts especially if I was at home entertaining friends. Why are you so reliant on her? Do you think she is trying to encourage you to be more independent? In future, don’t get your purchases delivered to her house and drive yourself to the shops (or get a bus/taxi)

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:17

CrazyOldBagLady I have anxiety and depression so I struggle to get out which is why I can't go and get my parcels from her's I don't have the money to travel there and back and I don't like being on busy public transport and she was drinking alcohol she was having a coffee. I just can't understand why I'm being given the cold shoulder and I only get spoken to when she wants something the rest of the time I'm just ignored by everyone.

OP posts:

RadioGaGoo · 14/01/2018 05:18

From the OP, I can't see how your Mum has been unreasonable, as she allowed packages sent to her address because you struggle to get post where you live and she couldn't spontaneously pick you up because she had a drink. I'm not aware of the back story, but based on this post, I'm not sure how she has BU.

RadioGaGoo · 14/01/2018 05:19

Cross post about the drink.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:22

LolitaLempicka encouraging me to be indepentant no this is a woman who comes into the doctors with me and does all the talking for me and tells doctors that she pays my bills for me. My boyfriend's family are helping me out more than she has done while I've been off work I was just left to it and only bothered with when it was time to go to the doctors my sister threw a strop because she was told that she couldn't come in to a counsiling session with me because in their minds I don't understand anything and I can't do anything for myself.

OP posts:

Jigglytuff · 14/01/2018 05:24

Your post makes no sense. How did you get to the shop if you are too anxious to travel on public transport? How did you buy things if you’ve no money? Why did you buy more than you can carry? And why on earth is this all your mum’s problem?

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:29

The shop was not too far from me and I used what money I had to get stuff for my cats my boyfriend's parents came to pick me up in the end and they have offered to take me shopping from now on even they can't understand what I've done to make my mum act the way she is doing at the minute. They have told me that I need to distance myself from her a bit because they know what's going on with her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:30

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3122400-To-think-my-parents-are-massive-CFs

This was another post about my mum this might help people to understand the problems I've been having with her.

OP posts:

Clandestino · 14/01/2018 05:34

Your last post made me doubt your story completely.

You have no money, yet you can shop online, take the public transport and go shopping, even so much you can't carry it.
You Mum totally ignores you, yet somehow she knows about your GP appointments and goes there with you.
You have anxiety so you can't pick up the parcels, yet big shopping and public transport is fine.

What started as a weird story where you seem to expect your Mum to do everything for you (take parcels, be your taxi driver on a whim because you can't estimate how much you can carry) just took a strange turn.

RadioGaGoo · 14/01/2018 05:34

Your boyfriends parents are encouraging you to distance yourself from your mother because of something they know? Is that really the best advice they can give? If the know something, why not use that to hell fix your relationship, rather than cause more problems.

If you distance yourself from your Mother on the say so of your boyfriends parents, I can't see how that will help your relationship at all. It will just cause greater resentment.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:39

I never said I shop online and I don't take public transport anywhere I couldn't carry it because I had got stuff for my cats I bought them cat litter and food I also got myself some food or do you think we should all starve Friday night was the first time I had been out in over a week so that was a lot for me to do on my own. My mum has been ignoring me since new years eve before then we spoke all the time I spent Christmas at hers and she always goes to the doctors with me the last time was just before Christmas. I don't expect my mum to do anything for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:42

They think she has caused many of my problems by not allowing me to do things for myself and always doing things for me because in her mind I can't do anything for myself. They are helping me to sort out my house and they are helping me to try and get my life back on track a bit and they think I should distance myself from my mum a bit but if it all goes wrong with my boyfriend then I'm left with absoultley no one.

OP posts:

BusterGonad · 14/01/2018 05:44

I think it's probably for the best that you put distance between yourself and your family. Your mother sounds rather poisonous (if your other thread is anything to go by) tbh.

Poshindevon · 14/01/2018 05:45

It seems to me after reading this topic an your thread about your fathers Xmas gift that you like to play the martyr.
You did not buy your father an Xmas gift the games were bought by your mother who you never paid back.
You claim you had to sell jewellery to buy gifts for Christmas. No one has to do that you simply had to tell your family you could not afford much as you are not working.
Your mother does help you. I think your family are fed up of you playing the "poor little me, nobody helps me, no body loves me"
Your boyfriends family help at the moment because they have yet to see and know the real you like your parents do.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:47

BusterGonand that's why my boyfriend's family want me to distance myself a bit from them because they think my mum is toxic and now she's suddenly got worse and is just not speaking to me and I don't know why. I can't think of anything that I have said or done wrong guess it just hurts a bit how easy it is for people to just drop you when your no longer useful to them.

OP posts:

MagicFajita · 14/01/2018 05:49

Sounds like you are cross because your mum is no longer enabling you.

Yawningalldaylong · 14/01/2018 05:51

Being honest I think YABU. 2 days not to get parcels, an hour at a shop, that's not any significant length of time. You may not have money to travel but expect her to pay or leave her friends for you? You had enough money to buy too much to carry. How old are you? Plan better, family will help, but don't expect people to change their lives for you, especially when you sound so ungrateful.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:52

Poshindevon I actually did pay for the game I gave them the money for it and I don't play the martyr at all. My boyfriend's family are trying to help me get my life back on track. My mum does her own version of help my mum took what a doctor told her when I was a child as gossepl.

OP posts:

AstridWhite · 14/01/2018 05:52

The final straw was on Friday I phoned her up to ask her if she could pick me up from the shop because I had bought more than I was able to carry home and I got told that I would have to just wait at the shop for her in the freezing cold and the dark because she had her neighbourgh round and she was having a drink I was stood there for an hour and in the end my boyfriend's family came and picked me up

Well if you do things like that very often then that will be your answer right there, staring you in the face.

You are behaving like an overgrown child and expecting her to mother you like you are still a child. She can't just drop everything she's doing and run to sort your self-made minor problems out. She was possibly not happy to drive having had a drink and it was hardly an emergency, was it?

If you don't understand that then I can totally see why she's backing off a bit, perhaps trying to make you take more responsibility for yourself.

AstridWhite · 14/01/2018 05:54

Okay so it was coffee. Who says 'at the neighbours having a drink' when they mean coffee?

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:54

No I'm not cross am more confused and upset because of how she's being with me at the minute and the only thing I can think of that could be making her act like this is that my boyfriend's family are helping me out I don't know though.

OP posts:

ToftheB · 14/01/2018 05:55

Does your Mum know that you are trying to distance yourself from her, on the advice of your boyfriends family? If so, I’m not surprised she’s cut back on the things she does for you. You can’t have it both ways - it sounded like, from your last thread, you wanted to be more independent and less involved with your parents - if that’s what you want you can’t still expect them to give you lifts and do you favours.

Coyoacan · 14/01/2018 05:58

They think she has caused many of my problems by not allowing me to do things for myself and always doing things for me

So you are used to your mother doing things for you and now she is stepping back a bit. Maybe she did too much for you in the past and her new attitude has thrown you, but it sounds healthy. If I were your mum, I wouldn't have chased my guests away either to run and help you with your shopping.

Why do you not take public transport, OP? It is there for the likes of you and me.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/01/2018 05:58

AstridWhite my mum doesn't drink. But she isn't trying to make me indepentant. I feel like I'm being shoved out of my own family all I can think of that I could've done wrong is that I wasn't at my grandparents house for my grandma's birthday and I wasn't there for new year either but they had seen at Christmas I wasn't feeling sociable I also didn't go to my nans grave with them.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4