To want DH to discuss plans for the weekend before Saturday morning?

[Pebbles574]

DH has just said, "Oh, I thought today we could go to look at some sinks and things for the downstairs loo, then grab some lunch in [nearby town] and perhaps go for a walk this afternoon?"

The DCs quickly scarpered with 'sorry, we're revising for mocks' and I'm left to explain to him that I have already planned my Saturday and it includes helping DS2 with some coursework ("can't he do that himself?"- DH), a physio appointment and my tax return!

Now DH is sulking and doesn't seem to understand that we're not all waiting around for him to 'announce' what we will be doing today.

Now if he'd talked about this earlier in the week, or even yesterday perhaps we could have worked around it, but no, he just suddenly DECLARES this stuff!

He’s right that your child should do their coursework on their own.

When did you tell him your plans?

This would annoy me too. But I’m someone who likes to be very organised and have plans finalised in advance, whereas my OH is very spontaneous and likes to just see what he fancies doing on the day. It can cause a few arguments for sure. Could you compromise and maybe agree to his day out tomorrow instead? Or do one of the things he wants to do today like go out for lunch together?

Did you mention to him before today your plan for the day?

Surely that works both ways though as you had made plans and not discussed them to?

So did you tell him your plans in advance?

And yes, your dc should do their own coursework

Don't see a problem at all in helping a DC with school work. It's nice to have parents taking an interest.

I think the OP’s point is that he shouldn’t just assume that she has the whole day free to do whatever he fancies. He should expect that she has things to do and if he wants to plan a full days jaunt then he should ask the day before

Does he normally sulk when he doesn't get his own way?

And why the comments about OP not helping with coursework?! So if your child was really struggling with a piece of homework would you refuse to help them and just leave them to get bad marks or into trouble?

You BOTH need to make plans for the weekend. You're just as bad!

Did he not see the physio appointment on the calendar?

I think the point is that he made an assumption. He could have made that suggestion, it was a good idea, but he should have been prepared for her to tell him that it wasn't possible.

The OP made a promise to her DS to give him help with his coursework and it would be very wrong to go back on that.

Can't you fit your tax return around his (much nicer) suggestions? Seems a bit joyless to stay in doing that on a Saturday instead of nice lunch and walk. I would think my partner was a misery guts if that was the alternative which they'd concreted into their diary.

Why didn't you tell him your plans before today, I am guessing he assumed that you had nothing on as you hadn't said anything. Works both ways.

Could you not have compromised and fitted some of what he’s suggested in as his ideas sound quite nice.
I’d expect my OH to let me know if he had plans all day Saturday but then I’d normally suggest doing something earlier in the week so I think you’re both as bad as each other. Unless you’d told him your plans and he hadn’t remembered which is something my OH would do.

And yes, why are you helping DC with coursework?

Obviously I'm not planning to do DS2's coursework, but he has dyslexia and usually needs some help with planning and 'nudging' at regular intervals to keep him working/on track. If we went out and left him then I guarantee he would drift off and leave it unfinished.

I have had a physio appointment for the last 3 Saturdays and I definitely mentioned it to DH earlier in the week - he has clearly forgotten.
We were talking about tax return deadlines last night!

I think I was most pissed me off was that he didn't say, 'do you fancy doing x, y and z today' but just sort of announced that 'this was the plan' then seemed genuinely surprised and annoyed that a) I might possibly have plans of my own, and b) I couldn't (and wouldn't) just instantly change them to fit in with him!

This isn’t just homework. It’s coursework.

Well you obviously assumed the same op!

@Gertrude what is the issue with her helping?! I don’t get it. I used to do all my homework myself as a child but would occasionally be given a bit of tutoring from my dad on things like maths equations as he was really good at them and I would have 100% failed if he hadn’t given me more practice

But haven’t you just “DECLARED” your plans to him?!

Just waiting for the 'you sound like hard work' and 'poor DH' comments to make an appearance

Her plans don't involve him, she doesn't need him to help dc with course work or attend her physio with her. That is what she has planned for her saturday so why should she have to inform him.

Let him do what he wants you carry on with what you have already planned

Doesn't sound like you told him your plans in advance either though? Also sounds like he'd like to spend some time with you (lunch out), can't you compromise and do some of what he wants (plump for the lunch!) and some of what you want?