Not to report this?

[dianemorgan]

Just thinking about all the "me too" sex scandal things.... when I was 14 my BF was 18 and we had sex. (I am now 35)

No hard feelings between us, we are FB friends. He is married with kids. Same for me.

Talking about this to a friend recently who said she would report him to police as was a crime at the time and people should be being held accountable for all these things that happened years ago when all was brushed under carpet etc.

I disagree - i feel I would be ruining his life for nothing.

Who is BU?

Sorry for typos. Their/there etc

I agree @WhatIWant, looking back ( not long I’m 22) to when I was 19 ... if I’d shagged a 15 yo my friends would have thought I was vile. The maturity level difference is incredible. But, at the time I didn’t feel violated so am happy to put it in the last.

Past*

Isn’t there a ‘young mans defence’ where if they are young themselves it isn’t considered rape?

I wouldn’t report it. Why ruin someone’s life now? What would be the purpose? If you felt pressured into it then yes.

Ah no this defence was abolished - but probably covered your partner at the time?

It's too late for me to look for the relevant link for you, but the CPS does not pursue prosecutions for teen couples who have consensual sex. This is commonly known as a 'Romeo and Juliet law'. So your friend IBU to not actually know what she is talking about.

i lost my virginity before i was 16 to someone 18. We were together 6 years after that and I loved him. No way would i report that!

I dont think it would be seen as rape by a court if you said you consented. They do take that into account over a certain age I think. With a limit on the age gap.

I know of someone who had sex with a 15 year old and they were 23. It was consensual but a while after it had ended she confided in a friend about it, not in a negative sense but just told her it had happened. The friend told her parents and the parents told the police.
The man was taken to court but all that happened was he was ordered to attend counselling by the judge. He did not get put on the sex offenders register or get any sort of custodial sentence as the girl would not testify against him and maintained that the relationship was consensual.

Lemony. I'm glad you agree! 🙃
I got the impression from my kids that older teens dating younger teens was not an acceptable thing to do and was looked on as being creepy. I can't think of any of the teens I known who dated anyone more than a year or two younger.

I wonder if it's less acceptable now than it was when I was a teen. I can remember a few girls having older boyfriends then.

Here, from CPS guidelines

^In summary, where a defendant, for example, is exploitative, or coercive, or much older than the victim, the balance may be in favour of prosecution, whereas if the sexual activity is truly of the victim's own free will the balance may not be in the public interest to prosecute.

In addition, it is not in the public interest to prosecute children who are of the same or similar age and understanding that engage in sexual activity, where the activity is truly consensual for both parties and there are no aggravating features, such as coercion or corruption. In such cases, protection will normally be best achieved by providing education for the children and young people and providing them and their families with access to advisory and counselling services. This is the intention of Parliament.^

There is a huge age gap between my parents, embarrassingly huge. However they were together for 12 years and had 2 children.

My mum lied about her age to my father, until she was 16. By then it was all too late.

My mum has massive mental health problems (caused by drug abuse after she left my dad) she had an awful childhood and saw my father as a way out of it all. She went on to have many relationships after my dad, he didn't. My mum is a complete psychopath and has made up absolutely disgusting lies about her family that were with hard evidence proven not to be true.

However even she hasn't gone as low as reporting my dad for their history as firstly she lied, secondly it was consensual, and they really did love each other for 12 years.

I had a boyfriend who was 21 when I was 15 and I wouldn't report him either.

I think most people know whether they really were taken advantage of or not, a relationship is totally different to just an older guy sleeping with you because he can.

Of course you shouldn't report this. If he had raped you, yes. But reporting a relationship years later and running someone's life for something that hasn't even come close to causing you any emotional distress? No. Your friend is very unreasonable to want you to report this.

I doubt the police would do anything anyway tbh, they didn’t 10 years ago when I was 14 with a 22 year old ‘boyfriend’, just said we’d ‘both been very silly’. All this ‘I did consent’ is weird, you make choices at 14 you wouldn’t make as an adult and half the time that’s why these men pick younger girl, because no-one their own age would put up with them!

Statutory rape absolutely is an offence in the UK

That term is not used here.

Erm...I would always report a paedophile.

How does it make you feel now? I wouldn't report it but it is still rape. Even if you felt you chose to at the time he was in the wrong for doing so. I used to teach secondary children and the difference in maturity and understanding between 14 and 18 is huge. It makes me feel sick to think of an 18 year old sixth former sleeping with a 14 year old year 9.

Wow. I'm actually quite shocked at some of these posts. Fourteen year old's going with thirty year old's. REALLY??

Exactly user. Why would an emotionally mature, rational adult in he’s 20’s or 30’s think it’s wise to have sex with a 14 year old.

a relationship is totally different to just an older guy sleeping with you because he can

Do you say this to make yourself feel better ?

Sorry, but yes I do see a much older man with a teenager is in fact taking advantage. Later on, he may start to have genuine feelings for this teenager but I’m the beginning, his purpose was to take advantage of you.

What the he'll are you in about? It was consensual why the hell would you report it?

guest477337

Oh well, that makes it ok then.

User - i don’t think any laws were broken - if this was consensual and a long time ago the law has changed in the last 10 years

Is she a drama llama? Would she be likely to report it on your behalf? (Can you do that?). Some people wouldn't think twice before throwing you under the bus to see themselves in the daily fail.

As a generalisation most parents these days baulk at the age difference between a 14 yo and an 18 yo in the way they didn’t a couple of decades or so ago. Rape wasn’t really discussed much when I was that age approx 30 years ago. Parents mostly assumed sex wasn’t taking place and if it was, it was assumed the girl consented. The girl was then seen to be “easy” and not that the guy took advantage. It’s how the parents themselves were brought up and behaved. These days in the advent of the internet, social media etc, there is a proliferation of information and a far broader picture of the extent to which teenage girls can be exploited.

It is exciting to be young and introduced to a world where men drive cars and have their own place/flat share, a disposable income etc. Even at 18 young women can be impressionable. Let alone 14.

It'd be wrong to report this based on what you've said in your op.

It's not rape
It's underage sex which of course is an offence but please before you post know the legislation as it can cause confusion to others