Am I being a princess or should OH remember this kind of stuff?!

[notonmynelly]

I know life doesn't revolve around me. OH has a demanding job but for example I've had important interviews, hospital test results (not serious ones but still) he will never ever remember. I don't get a good luck or "how did it go?" Just makes me feel like I'm not on his radar at all! But I just put it down to busy job and he genuinely forgets. Don't think I would forget if it was the other way around but still.

Today is the anniversary of my Dads death. It was quite traumatic and I was with him when he passed. I feel fine today. To me it just feels like the other 364 days I've been thinking of him. But I find it almost embarrassing that he is the only person who has forgotten again! Admittedly I do keep my emotions to myself, my lovely friend is taking me to lunch to raise a glass to my dad, another friend sent me flowers and a lovely text. But he has completely forgot!

I don't know if I'm being a princess or not. I'm not saying I want to mollycoddled today I just want him to remember my dad that's all.

All morning he's been texting me about an important meeting he has and I've been supportive etc but I think fuck sake come on how you can forget 🙁

I didn't know until I read in on here that remembering dates like this was a thing some people did.

To be clear, I'm not saying I can't remember dates. I've no idea how good at it I would be, if I tried. My point is, I can't see why anyone would want to.

I think it's difficult, have you mentioned it in the last few days that this anniversary is coming up? How did you friends remember? Did you talk to them about it to book lunch? I think it depends on those things really, if you've not mentioned it at all then I wouldn't expect him to remember but if you said about it yesterday and that you were going to do something to remember him then he should definitely have remembered that

Fire thé issue IMO isn’t whetehre one ought to remember such a date.
Te issue is that the OP needs support. She has clearly been deeply affected by it. She will have talked about how it’s strange to have Christmas wo him, that he isn’t here for his b’day. She is clearly able to make her need for support visible (her friends saw it - see the flowers and organising a lunch together).

So why is her partner not seeing it? Why is it ok fo him not to realise she needs support even if he doesn’t see the rememberance of that date important? The fact this is an important time for her should be visible enough for him.

I was with my mum when she died (I sat with her as she went, we were the only ones there), and I couldn't tell you the date it happened without looking it up, except it was a Sunday. Some people really are crap with dates.

That said, I think there's more to this than not remembering a date - you seem to be describing him as not generally supportive of you, whereas you are supportive of him. What would be have done if you'd reminded him of the date, eg by telling him that your friend is taking you to lunch to mark the occasion?

It's not just today though is it? You say he never asks about important events in your life.. interviews, hospital appointments etc.
Does he ever express an interest in your day or pick up on how you're feeling?He sounds insensitive and self absorbed. You're not being a Princess to tell him how that makes you feel. I'd find it hurtful

This.

Does he have a smartphone or tablet or diary ? Does he miss work appointments and forget meetings ?

If not, then it’s not that’s he just can’t cope with dates or his brain works in a different way. . It’s because he’s selfish and self centered. Hi sorry work is important to him and you are not.

Do you have kids wth him ?

Sorry bold fail , I was quoting another poster .

I wouldn't expect my dh to. I'd like him to and I'd remember but he just wouldn't. He didn't remember miscarriage dates or due dates etc. It sucked and I was very angry but he didn't do it out of malice.

There's two types of issues going on here.

Yes, some people genuinely have trouble with dates, etc. So for most of them, get a calendar, diary or stick it in the phone. If it's important to your loved one, find a way to remember.

Then there's the second issue, wifework. We live in a society that still in most cases drops the mental load of remembering significant dates, birthdays, appointments, etc,etc onto women. Men who fall under this group don't remember because they aren't bothered. They see it as their partner's job to remember and take the action required, eg a birthday card to MIL.

OP, I hope you do get some measure of peace to think about your dad today.

Your posts do make me think that your OH doesn't seem bothered about the dates that affect you, and a talk would be in order.

id be fucked off if my partner never remembered anything that was important to me, especially if this was highlighted by how empathic and reliable my women friends were. Makes you wonder what the hell is the point sometimes. The bar is set so low for men

I think that you are very right in noticing these things. After all - its the smaller things in life that make up the big picture.

My DP wouldn't remember the date, but I am sure I would mention it was upcoming and probably even mention it on the day?

I'd not expect anyone to remember, but I would give those close to me a heads up.

I'd not expect anyone to remember, but I would give those close to me a heads up.
This ^^. Particularly since you know the two of you have differing styles of communication.

I'm terrible with dates but that's fine, as I don't need to remember general things and if I do I make a list or set an alarm.

The first anniversary is important.

@notonmynelly "I think December/jan is just a funny month for me. Dad would have been 60, first xmas and new year without him. I do get it's me being sensitive though, will go have a glass of wine at lunch and cheer up"

You are not being oversensitive! The first posters to a thread often have a negative response to the poster or take up a contrary position (my theory - I've seen it a lot - later people join the thread who may well share the OP's thoughts, no idea why this is!).

My dad died 13 years ago, my mum 2 years ago. I would expect my dh to remember that it is only 2 years ago that ,my mum died but I expect he will not. Luckily for me, it's not an issue.

I'd talk to him about how you feel, if he wants to remember to ask about a test or say something about a significant anniversary he should be able to do so. He should know what is important to you, and if he can't remember he needs to use his phone to set an alarm, or his PC/tablet whatever, or just make a list. It's not hard.

You are not a princess, he sounds a little self absorbed.

You are not being a princess at all!! My partner forgot my dads anniversary and it's been 18 years and I was still miffed let alone the first one. X