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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about OH’s parents expectations....

81 replies

Notsleptin2wholegoddamnyears · 10/01/2018 18:42

OH parents live down South, but are due to come and stay with us at the wknd. They have only ever met our son once (7wks old, he’s now 2) when we went to visit them. Contact with LO has been sporadic and only ever through FaceTime since.
They have mentioned a few times that they are going to take LO out for the day on their own, I feel this is ridiculous as he has never really met them, he is super clingy with me and often even shys away from his dad. I feel so anxious about this suggestion.
We have also had a trip to a&e over the wknd as LO was so poorly, he’s on antibiotics and still recovering from a nasty infection.
Surely it makes sense that we would all do something together, seen as they are only here for one full day? It just seems a bit unrealistic to me.
Am I being ridiculous about the situation?

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 10/01/2018 18:43

Of course not. You are the parent. Tell them no!

mnahmnah · 10/01/2018 18:43

I’d feel exactly the same as you

Original poster
Notsleptin2wholegoddamnyears · 10/01/2018 18:44

It is bonkers isn’t it?! It just makes me feel uneasy.

OP posts:
Bananamanfan · 10/01/2018 18:45

Yanbu. You need your DH on side and maybe distract them by saying you want to take them out for the day/for a meal instead.

AdaColeman · 10/01/2018 18:45

Just say "No".

Crumbs1 · 10/01/2018 18:46

Of course he shouldn’t be sent off for a whole day with strangers. Maybe suggest they plan and choose a day out for you all and allow them to take lead, ensure they have time to build relationships etc. I’d be upfront and say in the future it would be lovely if he had a strong relationship with his grandparents but at the moment he doesn’t know them and would be unhappy going off with them.

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 10/01/2018 18:46

No. They’re nuts tbh. They are basically strangers to your little boy. Why haven’t they visited for 2 years?

Iloveacurry · 10/01/2018 18:46

You should be doing something all together. They’re only with you for the weekend and have only met your son once. They don’t know him, nor does he know them! Of course he won’t want to go with them.

Littlefish · 10/01/2018 18:47

There's absolutely no need for them to take him out for a whole day. How often do they FaceTime your ds? Perhaps your dp needs to pre-empt their visit by saying something like "We're really looking forward to your visit and us all spending time together. As it's only the second time ds has met you, and he's still not completely well, we've planned x, y and z for us all to do as he's not ready to be left without us".

That way, everyone is clear about the expectations before they arrive.

sirlee66 · 10/01/2018 18:48

Absolutely no way José!!! Just say simply he doesn't know you and won't be comfortable being alone with strangers. Hopefully they'll leave and you won't see then again for another 2 years!

Original poster
Notsleptin2wholegoddamnyears · 10/01/2018 18:48

Yes this is what I’ve said to my OH.....that we will just say ‘this is what we have planned for today etc etc’ but my OH has a nasty habit of being on board but then putting me on the spot, kind of just pacifying me until I’m in the moment then putting me in a really shitty situation!

OP posts:
Capelin · 10/01/2018 18:50

Stay firm OP. Just keep saying how as you haven’t seen them for ages it would be nicer for all of you to spend the day together. Say it over and over again if necessary.

jedenfalls · 10/01/2018 18:52

I think if he put you on the spot in that situation it would be perfectly reasonable to go batshit

Original poster
Notsleptin2wholegoddamnyears · 10/01/2018 18:54

They haven’t visited in 2yrs as they always expect us to do the journey to them. When I had the baby, I thought they would be here with bells on but instead we ended up travelling 7hrs with a new born after I’d had a very complicated birth ending in a C-section. There’s a big back story really, lots of problems in the family (OH’s) lots of falling out between them, very volatile people etc
They FaceTime when they remember, kind of like oh we haven’t called for a while, best make some sort of contact.

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 10/01/2018 19:08

My mum hasn't seen my mum since he was about 2 months old (not by choice, just circumstances) but she facetimes and talks to him on the phone regularly- she still said they'll have to get used to each other before she can have him alone.

And my kid is very likely to be perfectly happy to be left with anyone.

Bumsnetnetbums · 10/01/2018 19:11

Tbf id let them but ive got 5 so id just be glad of the break
You do sound quite anxious despite this and his clinginess may be in part due to that-read about anxious attachment. Yanbu about the situation though.

Pumpkinpie657 · 10/01/2018 19:14

YADNBU

SandAndSea · 10/01/2018 19:17

YANBU.

Xmaspuddingdisaster · 10/01/2018 19:18

If they’re only up for a day, why don’t they want to spend it with their son too?

bumbleyroses · 10/01/2018 19:18

Yadnbu at all!!!! He probably knows his neighbours better than them, as he would likely see them more regularly and you wouldn't let them take him out for the day. If your OH did that, it would be a major dick move and you definitely should stand your ground. It's not fair on your lo, he'll be even more clingy, bless him! Hope he's feeling better soon op.

babigailwabble · 10/01/2018 19:19

ridiculous idea. tell them absolutely NO. I'm so glad my parents and IL aren't batshit and possessive like this the mind boggles on MN sometimes.m Confused

SeaCabbage · 10/01/2018 19:20

I would think that people who think it is ok to tell you that they are going to take your child out, who barely knows them, are not the kind of people to be trusted with the care of your child. Bonkers.

babigailwabble · 10/01/2018 19:20

and id be having a strong word with your OH in advance as well

Goldmandra · 10/01/2018 19:20

Are they under the illusion that they would have a lovely day out with a distressed two year old who is also under the weather?

JustHappy3 · 10/01/2018 19:23

Personally i'd manage this by sending them off on a morning and then an afternoon activity with your DH whilst you chill at home.