Too many visitors!

[candypanda]

I have 3 dc under 3
My husband previously had a job where he had half the month off so our family members came every week...it was ok because we Were both free. Anyway, now he has a new job and works 5 days a week very long shifts. This means I don't really see him as I go bed an hour after he gets home and he doesn't see our children until the weekend.
So, my mum, my dad (separated), his mum, his dad (separated) and his grandparents all still intend on coming weekly. I don't know what the hell to do. He explained to his family that we are tired and busy but they insisted on coming and took up our whole weekend as they all come for 1 to 2 hours and we have to fit them round the children's naps or they insist on waking them up.
My mum and dad I can see in the week when my husband is at work but my mat leave is over next month. What on earth do we do? Aibu to ask for monthly visits or something?
Ideally at the weekend we would like to go out with the children on the sat and both chill out and get jobs done on the Sunday.
How do you all do it?
I asked my parents to let me invite them.rather than them nagging but when it had been 8 days since the last visit I had non stop phone calls.
I'm so tired. I have twins and I am breastfeeding and I want to see my husband.

I would be inclined to think a bit out of the box when it comes to your visitors. i.e. how about booking yourself an exercise class or other activity once a week and get one of them to babysit in leu of a visit, get Mil to come round and make the children's tea whilst you go and do the weekly shop. Then I/DH could go out with the children somewhere(play park, soft play) and invite one set of grandparents to meet you there so they can play with the children one time at the weekend.

I would certainly say that things have to be different as the situation has changed.

he wants cups of tea and cakes etc

He can want whatever he likes. Point him cheerily towards the kitchen and tell him 'Milk and one sugar for me, please.'

On open visiting hours - it's not just their problem if they don't get on, it would be horrible for OP to have that sort of tension in her house on a regular basis. I have banned MIL from visiting at the same time as my mum and they have gotten used to me scheduling them by now. It's for everyone's benefit.

Families are different in terms of their closeness. Some of the lines suggested upthread would be terribly dismissive and hurtful in a close-knit family. But close should indeed not mean suffocating.

I feel for you OP, it's really a difficult situation to manage, especially when the family members think that they are being nothing but sweetness and sunshine to you, but YANBU.

Can you simply lay out the facts for them - you and the children only see your husband on weekends now, you need and want time together as a nuclear family, and with your setup you are currently having five sets of visitors per weekend which is too much - and that is without any friends or other people you might choose to see. You only have the capacity for one set of visitors per weekend, so they will have to rotate. (can you still not pair up some of them? Eg if the divorced couples can't bear each other, could your father come at the same time as your FIL, etc?)

Perhaps offer some Skype sessions to them every now and then, so you prop up a laptop or tablet near the kids and the relatives can chat to them, without being quite so disruptive? And if they moan it would be easier to end the Skype session than to turn them out of your house.

Families are different in terms of their closeness. Some of the lines suggested upthread would be terribly dismissive and hurtful in a close-knit family. But close should indeed not mean suffocating.

Also, with a close-knit family, you could explain the situation and they would understand and not put on pressure, so some of the more dismissive options wouldn't be necessary.

Further update... managed to keep it going so far..had my MIL over the weekend just gone. However my dad has been so off and cold with me,he is properly sulking. It's really getting to me. This weekend is his turn so I'm dreading that. Also my maternity leave is over in 4 weeks and I've decided to go back full time and I do 1 hour shifts and my husband and I get 1 day a week off together so god knows what will happen then!

Make sure you don't give in to your dad's sulks. Hopefully when he realises it doesn't get him anywhere, he'll give it up.

Well done for keeping it up! Think of him as a little toddler who needs boundaries - he might not like it but that's tough!