To think risk of pregnancy is virtually zero

[Yesnewnameofcourse]

Regular, but name changed for this as I feel a bit silly really.

I might have been a bit silly too. DP and I have been together 2 years, live together and have wedding planned. We have never used contraception, just the withdrawal method. I have just turned 45 and he is 50. So far so good except last night and the night before he either misjudged it or willfully ignored and cum inside me. He has always said he doesn't want more children. I have two, he has two.

Ive looked online but can't work out whether I'm fertile before or after ovulation or even when ovulation is likely on a 28 day cycle. I'm on day 15 of my cycle. My periods are 28 days like clockwork, and my mother had late menopause. However I am 45! Am I being silly to think pregnancy is virtually impossible? Do I need the MAP? It really messes up my head emotionally when I've taken it in the past. And due to autoimmune issues and severe allergies no contraception has been suitable. Feel a bit stupid. So please don't just tell me that.

Why can’t the OP’s partner use condoms? Or the OP use a contraceptive? Or track her cycle (ok, not super reliable but better than nothing...)?

A lot of abortions take place in these circumstances because women read all the articles about fertility problems and think it can't happen to them. I know several people it did happen to and you need to be a lot more careful.

OP has said she is allergic to all condoms.

It's statistically unlikely but not impossible. Use a proper contraceptive. That would be my advice.

You do need to talk as clearly, there is more to it than just an error and a clear 'I don't want to be pregnant no matter what'.

m into your vagina. I assume you're still having periods or ypu wouldn't have started this thread, so no the risk isn't low it's basically 50/50 that the sperm will find the egg
Just to comment on this in case anyone reads it. This is absolutely not the case!. You don't have a 50/50 chance of fertilisation each cycle, and certainly not at 45. 'Finding the egg' is irrelevant, it's whether it enters it and then cells start dividing after implantation that can lead to the start of a pregnancy.

There were around 700 births to women over 45, that wasn't IVI etc, so it's a small positibility. The, I wouldn't get sterilised, as a Woman on those odds.

The MAP carries risks, but not more than a miscarriage (which is a likely outcome).

I'd get hormone checks to weigh up the future risks.

Definitely sort out some reliable contraception. Two of my friends had babies at 45, one thought she had no chance of falling pregnant as she had a very under active thyroid.

I was once told by a gynaecologist consultant that it’s not impossible to fall pregnant at 50, he’s seen it.

stich

Missed that.

Btw, most people that have issues like this are allergic to the spermicidic lubricant and not the latex. But there are also several non latex condoms.

Could this be a solution?

Not clear whether it's that your partner doesn't like condoms or you're allergic to them? Surely there must be some for allergy-prone people? Would the injection work for you?

I will get the MAP today. I don't want to, but it's necessary because I'm away for work for two nights as of today. So no talking until Friday night.

First night was willful, not a mistake. He smiled and looked quite self satisfied. But people do don't they after an orgasm....so who knows. The next morning I said "that wasn't a good idea, day 15, should I go get map." He said yes and apologized, but didn't seem overly concerned. In fact didn't raise it again in conversation at all, didn't ask if I'd got it. That night DTD, PIV then I signalled to stop, pulled away and went to give BJ to finish him off, he started to get very near, pushed me off then went for PIV until he cums in me then pulled out leaving some on me. Tmi, sorry. But that's it. He didn't have to do this. This morning, no mention of the last two days "mistakes" and hasn't asked about map.

He was anti marriage as was I. Neither married before. He said he didn't want more DC at the beginning. I said I was happy with my two. Truth be told his were unplanned to women he didn't love. I didn't want more at all. But something has made me less sure. Now he seems to be pushing for more sex.....literally gone from 3x a week to every day, several times a day, more PIV and now mistakes! I want a serious open honest discussion, because he is pushing all the pragmatic decisions on me.

Map. You become more fertile just before menopause from what i hear. Natures last throw. I think my uncles very pleased about that. Born to my grandparents in their 40s when my mum was at uni

He sounds like a dreamboat
You seriously need to discuss this like the adults that you are.

He sounds like a massive twat

You have regular 28 day cycles and wonder if you are fertile????

You then have unprotected sex on days 14 and 15 of this regular cycle and wonder if there is any possibility of a pregnancy? Sorry but this is just silly.

And delaying the MAP until Friday is also very risky. The later you take it the less effective it is. Unless you both actually do want a baby then you would be well advised to take the MAP without delay and then use a safe method of contraception until you have gone a whole year without a period.

And just finally, peri menopausal women are more likely to have twins than the general population.

Glad you are getting the MAP.
Thats an awful thing for him to do, don't marry him!

My granny had my mother at 46, just sat and worked it out. Knew it was in her 40s but wasn't certain what age. Flipping brilliant.

I will speak to gp, last check up and discussion was the nurse insisting I use something and being talked into copper coil.

I don't fancy sterilisation, isn't it bad for you? But if he's really committed to no more he can commit to having a vasectomy. I'm slightly ambivalent and not sure. My feeling is he's less sure than he originally stated. If I ask and suggest vasectomy he has the option to be completely commited to not having more DC. I never considered sterilisation for me because Ive never been 100 percent certain.

I'm allergic to all condoms. I have fruit allergies so latex definitely. The non latex give less reaction but have caused small tears, and scratching, it's sort of dries me out and burns.

The way you described his sexual behaviour in your last post sounds like he actually raped you.

He "went for" PIV after you had already said stop ? Define "went for" in this context.

I agree with AF. Your consent to sex is given with conditions i.e. that he withdraws. He has ignored that.

Matilda, OP is getting the MAP today, she can't talk to 'D'P until Friday

OP, as the MAP affects you badly emotionally, can you make sure you have a trusted friend to hand for support, or if possible take a bit of time off work?

He sounds a catch op. Seriously I wouldn’t marry a man I couldn’t trust in this way.

Meet my 3rd and 4th children conceived that way!!!!!

That night DTD, PIV then I signalled to stop, pulled away and went to give BJ to finish him off, he started to get very near, pushed me off then went for PIV until he cums in me then pulled out leaving some on me.

Honey, he raped you.
You told him to stop, then he entered you again. That's rape.

Assuming you dont want another, I think you're sensible to take the MAP, OP. A surprising number of my friends have conceived after 44 (some for the first time). Two conceived naturally at 47. In fact, I was the only one trying for the first time over 42 who didnt (DS is adopted). I remember reading that the abortion rate is highest in the 40 plus age group.

Given your last post, your 'D'P is absolutely awful (and rapey too). You had a agreement which he deliberately breached and has left you fretting and worried and having to clear up after him. You will now have to take the MAP which you say affects you terribly. And this is also a man who doesn't want another baby but also wouldn't 'allow' abortion. What a catch