To think risk of pregnancy is virtually zero

[Yesnewnameofcourse]

Regular, but name changed for this as I feel a bit silly really.

I might have been a bit silly too. DP and I have been together 2 years, live together and have wedding planned. We have never used contraception, just the withdrawal method. I have just turned 45 and he is 50. So far so good except last night and the night before he either misjudged it or willfully ignored and cum inside me. He has always said he doesn't want more children. I have two, he has two.

Ive looked online but can't work out whether I'm fertile before or after ovulation or even when ovulation is likely on a 28 day cycle. I'm on day 15 of my cycle. My periods are 28 days like clockwork, and my mother had late menopause. However I am 45! Am I being silly to think pregnancy is virtually impossible? Do I need the MAP? It really messes up my head emotionally when I've taken it in the past. And due to autoimmune issues and severe allergies no contraception has been suitable. Feel a bit stupid. So please don't just tell me that.

I feel I'm somehow making decisions that he's unwilling to make
It's your body OP. The decisions are yours. But you can of course discuss it with him.

Your partner needs to have a vasectomy

Or would he "not allow" that ?

By the way, my grand mother got pregnant with my mum at 45, grand father was 50. The difference is that she wanted to be pregnant and according to her, after a miscarriage at 42 and having given up believing it would happen, she got pregnant very much as a result of a very spontaneous moment not thinking about baby making at all, so yes, it can happen!

. It's really simple. If you don't want more children you need to not have unprotected sex (and this includes the withdrawl method) until you are past the menopause. If he doesn't like condoms then he can get the snip. Simple.

^^ Well said, BarbarianMum.

@Glad That would be misjudging then. OP says he either misjudged or wilfully ignored. One is an 'oops', one is more serious.

He ejaculated sperm into your vagina. I assume you're still having periods or ypu wouldn't have started this thread, so no the risk isn't low it's basically 50/50 that the sperm will find the egg. Get your contraception sorted, so that you can both relax and fully enjoy it without the worry of pregnancy. The withdrawal method is litreally as useful as a used condom. Firstly there's precum which can contain live sperm and at the point of ejaculation (orgasm) blokes can get lout in the moment. I mean yes of course any contraception can fail. Theres not a lot ypu can realistically do about that.
Good God with the greatest respect I feel like I'm speaking to a young gullible 16 year old not a mature women a kick in the arse away from being 50.

My dp would be told no condoms no sex end of. It's not up for discussion.

I am 46 and ttc from 44, gp told me no chance of carrying a full term pregnancy. I have mc a few times but no positive hpt for 18 months now.

I am alone in being amazed at how often I read on MN the word "withdrawal" followed by the word "method"?

I'd be too nervous of pre-ejaculate, which I believe can come out at anytime.

I'm not about to LTB no, not at all.

JapaneseBirdPainting intellectually, rationally I'm not wanting more, but I guess on an emotional, heart over head level I wish I'd met DP long ago and had lots of babies! All his. However I'm enjoying life with four all over 10 years old and we have more freedom. I am going to suggest he has the snip. That way he's taking responsibility. Otherwise I'm left feeling some silly emotional longing, that is not rational.

I'm making decisions, he is simply taking risks. That's all. But the decision is rational and conflicts with my feelings. He is being even less pragmatic because he's started to take risks whilst saying he doesn't want to. And my intuition tells me that something changed when he felt secure. He is probably prepared to risk it, and wants me to decide if that's ok. So I think we need to talk about this. A vasectomy is final, an abortion is final, me having to periodically rely on MAP is pretty final too.

I will get MAP.

Yes. You need the MAP.

And more reliable contraception.

Whisk the likelihood of you actually having a 3rd child is rather low? You could still get pregnant...

And if you genuinely believe that he might have deliberately ignored you (and didn’t just have an accident?) that’s imo absolutely horrible.

Hope it all goes well.

Textbook says day 14 is most likely day for ovulation but it can be any day from 9-20 for some ladies. My understanding is that it's near on impossible to pin point the moment the egg is released and it lives for up to 12-24 hours after release. Plus sperm can live in the body for up to 7 days. So in reality the window is quite wide open. Please get the MAP, rather that than dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. And if it's affected you previously why would you risk needing to take it again? We all make mistakes so now face the consequences.

Yes, talk to him - if he is 'quietly' willing you to make a decision to try for another baby, that's shit of him! You need to find out and decide either way re pregnancy planning.

Its not just shit of him imo. OP has said she handles hormone stuff really badly. So its pretty disgusting he would put her in position of getting MAP

It is unlikely but not impossible. I am due to give birth one month before my 44th birthday believing that I wouldn't (and having been told by a specialist that I have low ovarian reserve and that I was unlikely to have any more children).

If you don't like MAP you could get a copper foil fitted in the next few days. It's a more reliable method of emergency contraception and the MAP doesn't always work mid-cycle.

Why not go and talk to family planning and see what your options are.

would sterilisation be a resolution for you if so many other methods are not useful. For either of you or one of you. SOmeone has to make the possibility of future pregnancies impossible.

If you have problems with contraception, and both of you agree that you don't want any more children then what in heavens name is stopping him getting a vasectomy?

You say you are planning to marry - then tell him you have decided that that is your wedding present from him. Any man worth his salt would not put a partner who already has health issues through the anxiety of an insecure method of contraception every month or expect her to suffer by using contraception that made her ill when the solution is obvious.

YY Glitter - but if he 'secretly' wants her to get pregnant, he might not be thinking of that, which is shit. Majorly shit.

And, of course, OP may not want another baby after thinking further - they should be discussing this, it's not up to him to act differently unilaterally.

Mrs Blair was 45!

You need to talk to the GP about sterilising one of you then

^^ This.

I thought some women actually experience a surge in fertility mid 40s just before menopause and that’s on average early 50s– so you do need to get something in place.

Either one of both of you need to get sterilized then if you seriously can't use any of the miriad forms of proper contraception - and you don't want to risk a pregnancy