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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to school about why ds is off today

102 replies

LordSugarWillSeeYouNow · 10/01/2018 08:18

Hi, please go easy on me, I'm not well with a chronic health condition and am feeling fragile.

My ds is 14 and in year 10. He is a big lad, way over 6ft and built like a rugby player.
He's very overweight which we are addressing and takes a large size in trousers.

He started with 3 pairs which were difficult to find and ripped his last pair on the crotch and top inside leg on Monday.
I cannot sew but had a go and he wore them to school yesterday but they came back in a terrible state, worse than when he left. Ds has asd and struggles with clothing especially uniform ( used to be shirts but we mastered those )

I tried again last night to sew them but they are beyond help.
I'm so ashamed and embarrassed to tell the school this. I cannot buy him any until the weekend and do not want his school to report me or anything ( maybe I'm being irrational)

I have to ring soon and don't know what to say.
I'm kicking myself that I let him end up with one pair, I'm already feeling low and this stupid situation has left me in a state.

Any suggestions?
Sounds awful but I think it sounds neglectful and that is not the case at all, I adore him and probably mollycoddle him, I feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 10/01/2018 08:21

I’d ring them, be honest, explain he has to have specialist trousers and you can’t grt any til the weekend.

They may well make an exception and allow him to wear different trousers for the rest of the week.

ManchesterGin · 10/01/2018 08:22

In this situation can't you send him with his own black trousers/jeans/joggers and a note explaining the others ripped.
This is what would happen where I teach. We'd rather he was there in the wrong trousers than miss a day of lessons.

Bobbiepin · 10/01/2018 08:23

I agree with @singlebutmarried, the school may well let him wear different trousers for a couple of days (assuming he wouldn't go in tomorrow either?) Year 10 is important, if he's happy to go in wearing black jeans or other trousers then I would say go for it.

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 10/01/2018 08:24

I would ring and open up and be honest with them. They may have a solution.

But honestly, you really need to get his weight under control. I know I'm going to get absolutely slated for this but it's your responsibility as his parent to manage his weight, and if it's gotten to the stage that he has specialist trousers he is splitting which prevents him from going to school, thats really not good. Because his weight is now affecting seemingly unrelated and important areas of his life.

Good luck, just be honest.

Crumbs1 · 10/01/2018 08:27

In truth my son is 6’4” and is a rugby player but he manages to wear trousers. What stops you popping to Tesco or M&S and sending him in an hour late?

SuburbanRhonda · 10/01/2018 08:28

Yes, definitely send him in with his own trousers that fit and phone the school to explain. You don’t want unauthorised absences on top of everything else you have on your plate.

ivykaty44 · 10/01/2018 08:30

I just send him in to school- if they send him home then so be it, at least you didn’t keep him off school and you didn’t lie

Madwoman5 · 10/01/2018 08:31

Amazon does a range of school trousers for chunky monkeys called sturdy boys school trousers.
Had a similar issue so ordered from two suppliers. One was perfect and the other, not such a good fit. Went on to buy three more pairs once I found the best ones.
Watch the fasteners as they can be the weakest point but a few stitches through them sorts it.
There are measurements given so tall, regular and short fit.
No shop visit required.
I am sure he could get a uniform pass for a few days
School is more than just a uniform.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 10/01/2018 08:32

I agree that you should explain the situation to the school or send him in with a note

Hopefully the worst that would happen is that he will be in inclusion but at least he would be in school and not absent

SpringSnowdrop · 10/01/2018 08:33

Definitely be honest- you can explain its sensitive or not easy to say but that you wanted to be honest

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 10/01/2018 08:36

Phone school, ask to speak to the head or head of year. Tell them "DS needs specialist trousers due to his size, he's ripped his last pair so he'llbe wearing black jeans/joggers"

KateGrey · 10/01/2018 08:39

Ring the school and explain. I have two with asd and would rather they were in school so they don’t get out of the habit. Is he okay with trousers in general? Would he be okay going in trousers that aren’t school trousers? I’d pop him in anything.

SavageBeauty73 · 10/01/2018 08:40

Can't you order online for next day delivery?

user7654321 · 10/01/2018 08:40

Definitely send him to school in any non-uniform trousers - no brainier IMO

Buxbaum · 10/01/2018 08:40

Send him in wearing any black trousers - jeans or joggers. Phone school and speak to his head of house / pastoral manager / tutor to explain the situation AND write him a note to keep in his pocket all day if he is challenged by teachers for wearing non-uniform.

oldmum22 · 10/01/2018 08:40

Honesty is always the best policy in my opinion. It maybe they will allow other trousers or have another solution you have not thought of. Would it be possible to go to a charity shop to see if they have a pair of suitable trousers ,just to wear for a couple of days?

rookiemere · 10/01/2018 08:41

See if you can order the Amazon ones for special delivery today.

DS is a bit of an odd shape - has a big bum - and managed to rip a pair of trousers at school. Made the mistake of telling someone in confidence and was teased unmercifully for the rest of the day and arrived home in tears ( is 11 was 10 at the time).

Only you will know the impact of your DS arriving in jeans or joggers - if it's going to be very distressing to him, I'd focus on getting a pair of trousers delivered today so he can go in for the rest of the week.

kaytee87 · 10/01/2018 08:43

Phone the school and say you're sending him in in non uniform trousers today as his have ripped.

MammaTJ · 10/01/2018 08:44

In truth my son is 6’4” and is a rugby player but he manages to wear trousers. What stops you popping to Tesco or M&S and sending him in an hour late?

Well, I am lucky enough not to have a 6'+ boy but if I did, we would be stuck. What stops me 'popping' to Tesco or M&S is the nearest one to me is 28 miles away. We do have a Tesco here, but they only sell food, no clothing.

I find it odd people on MN think everyone lives in a city.

Do talk to the school honestly, they will have had this happen before, OP! Also, try and order some online!

differentnameforthis · 10/01/2018 08:54

In truth my son is 6’4” and is a rugby player but he manages to wear trousers. What stops you popping to Tesco or M&S and sending him in an hour late? I'm assuming your ds doesn't have sensory issues around clothing? That is a MAJOR factor with some children (one of mine included) and op's ds.

differentnameforthis · 10/01/2018 08:56

All those saying order online...did you not see that her son has issues around clothing? It really IS NOT that simple!!!!

WaxOnFeckOff · 10/01/2018 08:57

Not everyone has easy access to shops, not everyone has easy access to shops with the right items in the the right sizes, not everyone has enough money mid week to order trousers with special delivery.

OP give yourself a break. Phone the school, ask to speak to pastoral care and explain the situation. If he is anything like my son, he doesn't have black jeans/joggers either. My son lives in jersey shorts outside of school and he has a pair of jeans or walking trousers and that's it. He would happily just go in his black gym shorts though so school would probably let him wear gym kit for the rest of the week.

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2018 08:57

Take them to a dry cleaners for repair. They'll do them while you wait.

JenniferL90 · 10/01/2018 09:10

@Crumbs1 - 'In truth' you need to read the bloody post better!

ButtPlugInMyHalloweenHaul · 10/01/2018 09:11

I would do a halfway house of truth and lying. I would ring late and say he ripped them on the way TO school and keep him off. Other kids might utterly rip the piss out of him if he goes in in anything outside the norm and that is not what you want. Sad but true. Take him shopping instead. I would lie like a cheap rug if it saved my DC any angst of this nature. Don't underestimate how nasty other kids can be.