To not automatically support my male friend (potentially triggering!)

[User14356]

Agh this is keeping me up tonight, sorry if it’s a bit rambly

My very close, male friend (totally platonic) picked up a woman last weekend at a club. I had left earlier in the night, from what I was told, they were drunk, she had a screaming argument with her friend and then he took her home. Things were done but they didn’t have full sex.

Cut to today and I get a worried message from my male friend saying he has been contacted by this girl saying he took advantage, he is a sex offender and that she’s going to go to the police. This text message was sent at 4am and badly spelled so the assumption is that she was drunk.

I want to believe my friend, but I’m now massively morally split, between not wanting to call this girl a liar, but then not being there for him if the accusations are blown out or false. For now, I’ve been supportive. Is there any way to manage this situation without taking sides- AIBU to have doubts about my friend?

Rufus, if you look at the post count, there were hundreds of messages and tens of pages. Loads were deleted.

But, as I type this, suddenly there are 14 pages, whereas it was 4 ten minutes ago. MN revisionism? Uncensoring of uncomfortable truths?

Yes, hundreds were deleted. Visible on two separate devices. Now, many appear to be reinstated. What’s going on?

It wasn't deleted on mine baby

To be honest i would expect mnhq to delete the entire thread

Not hundreds of posts

I’m saddened, but not surprised, to see Mumsnet have censored hundreds of posts on this thread on the basis that they ‘won’t tolerate victim blaming’, despite the fact that multiple posters on here from opposing viewpoints had thanked each other for their civility in discussing a contentious subject.

Hundreds of messages? Can you prove that? Maybe screenshot and upload the shots of the post’s deleted by mumsnet?

Oh no, as you were. Still a fair few deletions.

I didn't see any reduction in pages

Will they be on waybackwhenmachine? I don’t allow cookies, so can’t go back to previous versions of pages

Are you alright

You seem to be a bit paranoid

Yep, ignore me. Major brain malfunction, clearly. Sorry to derail!

Pumper

So to summarise. I denied that the UK can be classified (or I think the term I used most often was 'best described as') a rape culture. (I still do). I never said that rape culture doesn't exist in the UK or anywhere else. I even stated that explicitly several times in the original thread. Thanks for choosing a quote that proves my point.

I honestly cant see any deletions

Maybe they have just come through...what times were they

(Not all of them...its just I looked through the entire thread and couldn't see any a minute ago)

Babycham

Really? A fair few
How much are a fair few...? Because there are much less deletions than I anticipated.

‘Or is it how many are a fair few?’ And ‘How much is a fair few?’ Or are both right...? Hm. English

Anyhow....babycham?

I haven't got any deletions

I'm nit looking through the sodding this again

I only saw one 'posters request one'

I shouldnt worry about the correct terminology freddie

I cant even spell NOT apparently

Not sure I agree that it proves your point Patriarchy, you were minimising rape culture.

Like I said, it or me. Brain malfunction + IT fuck-up = paranoid nonsense.

My mistake. Fulsome apology.

Babycham I’m on my phone and it does mad things to MN sometimes. Plus this is an emotive subject so everyone is probably more twitchy than on the parking threads. Not to worry

No worries baby

It must have been weird to see all those posts disappear

baby

It’s fine :)

I like this thread, actually.

Yes. I disagree with... idk, 40% of the posts? (Ok, totally random number. But with many posts) but it’s such a polite and imo honestly rather interesting thread.

Oh, and thank you rufus for your encouraging words about the proper terminology. :)

My English isn’t too bad but some things just trip me up, occasionally.

(And it really awful - or funny according to DH - when I’m tired...)

And your username is awesome, btw.

Thank you kindly freddie

It gets longer every time i find something new

:=D

You’re welcome. and the 1 is also a rather awesome idea imo. Sort of implies that there might be a rufustherenegadereindeer2 ;)

I now imagine (friendly) renegade reindeers running around the U.K...

Anyhow, good night. It’s DH’s night today and I will make the most of my precious (so very precious!) hours of undisturbed sleep 😍

Night freddie

“I don’t want to be part of a community that dictates who the victim is in a given situation without any investigation, but based on what genitals they were born with.”

Then you are not a supporter of We Believe You, which MNHQ is promoting, and are ignorant about or deliberately ignoring womens far, far higher risk of being sexual assaulted, and that the vast majority of assailants are men, who are usually not punished by the law.