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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some women are naive in thinking their male friends don't want more

80 replies

yawlinhere · 09/01/2018 14:53

I have this friend, she is classically attractive, tall, blonde, legs to here etc etc.

She always says she has lots of male friends more than female as she just gets on with them better. And they all text her a lot, and occasionally stray into flirty messages (she is married, they are married).

Does she not understand they are all just keeping in touch in the hope they'll get into her panties? Or is that me having a sweeping generalisation view?

They all stray into flirting, when she split up with her ex-husband, suddenly loads of them started texting and calling. I was not shocked lol.

So are they "friends" or are they "lechers" (or does it matter?)

OP posts:
WhoDoDatLikeDat · 09/01/2018 14:55

YABVU for using the word "panties"

Original poster
yawlinhere · 09/01/2018 14:59

lol, knickers then...?

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 09/01/2018 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MephistophelesApprentice · 09/01/2018 15:04

There's a difference between 'want' and 'wouldn't mind.'

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 09/01/2018 15:08

Quite a few attractive women I know have more male friends cos they get fed up with bitchy jealous comments from women. Tbh (I’m very average in appearance) I generally prefer male company as I find them easier and much less complicated as friends. Even if any fancying took place wouldn’t act in it and spoil friendship

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 09/01/2018 15:10

Nonsense.

seizethecuttlefish · 09/01/2018 15:10

I have loads of male friends. Married and single. DH is quite calm about it. Yes we chat and message and one friend jokingly calls me the Mrs. But that's it. I'm now going to message a couple of close ones to see if your assumption is right. I'm probably in danger of being shot down in flames here, I'd just like to say most men I know are pretty straight forward and honest and would not hang about for ages as a friend, just on the off chance. Who does that?

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 09/01/2018 15:12

I'm with you on this one OP. Harry explains this aspect of the male psyche in When Harry met Sally

PinkHeart5914 · 09/01/2018 15:13

I’ve got many Male friends, in my personal experience men are just less complicated to be friends with and don’t have the bitchy side which with a lot of women just wears you down.

I think it’s sad that some people still think a man and woman can’t be friends without thinking about shagging or shagging each other.

Pengggwn · 09/01/2018 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoDoDatLikeDat · 09/01/2018 15:14

Eugh, vile misogynistic comments on this thread about "bitchy" women.

araiwa · 09/01/2018 15:15

what makes you think she has no idea and hasnt been taking advantage of being attractive herself

ShatnersWig · 09/01/2018 15:16

I'm a man. If I had to name my ten closest friends, eight of them would be female. And the two men would be numbers 9 and 10. Some married, some not. I've known all of them a minimum of 12 years, some of them 20 years.

Guess what? I don't fancy any of them. Never flirted with any of them. The idea that I would hang around on the off chance of getting in someone's knickers for over 20 years is pretty sad, especially as I was living with a girlfriend for 11 of those 20 years.

Why do I have so many female friends? Probably because I was never interested in sport or going down the pub getting pissed. And at primary school, I was one of 5 boys in a class of 21, and three of the other boys didn't live in my small town. So hanging around with girls was totally natural and normal for me. Still is.

ShatnersWig · 09/01/2018 15:16

Although I do not for one moment call women girls, just to clarify my last sentence before anyone pounces on that.

StrictlyPannnn · 09/01/2018 15:18

Male here. Yes you are having a sweeping generalised view and sound a bit bitter about your so called friend.

When H met S gets quoted you know the argument is lost. ☺

BarryTheKestrel · 09/01/2018 15:21

I have lots of male friends. My closest friends are male. At one stage many years ago me and my closest male friend strayed into the territory of more. It was horrendously awkward and we quickly put a stop to it and went back to being friends. Yes we have been attracted to each other at times over the years but our friendship means more to us than that and we are both very happy in our relationships.

Original poster
yawlinhere · 09/01/2018 15:24

Ha ha yes the H met S argument....

I've been thinking would I care if I had some male admirers who may fancy me as well if they chatted often with me, and the answer is no I wouldn't mind so maybe it's just one of those things.

The waiting 20 years thing being sad, yes you would think it's unlikely but one of her friends (married I hasten to add)of probably about that length of time, suggested some drinks out and that her husband "wouldn't like the things I want to do to you" when suggested they go out as a group. It's fair to say she was surprised by the message, and maybe it was a joke or a joke with half an edge?

OP posts:
FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 09/01/2018 15:24

Some may be ‘lechers, some may be real friends and a few even both.

I’m not quite sure how this is any of your business...

Btw, as for the ‘bitchy’ women. I know quite a few men that can be very ‘bitchy’/harsh, petty and also some men that love to gossip... that’s not something uniquely female.

londonista · 09/01/2018 15:26

Sorry, couldn't read past "panties"...

Original poster
yawlinhere · 09/01/2018 15:27

Oh Freddie, yes it is none of my business, but I'm nosey and intrigued....

OP posts:
Jassylaunderette · 09/01/2018 15:28

One of my best male friends is very bitchy and gossiping. I'm very find of him all the same. I don't agree that they all secretly want more than friendship.

Raggs · 09/01/2018 15:46

'Panties' made me shudder.

You clearly can't see beyond your friends looks. Maybe her male friends appreciate her other qualities. Or maybe they don't. Either way I think yabu and it's really none of your business

WesternMeadowlark · 09/01/2018 15:48

I prefer dating online, in general, but I've asked out/respectfully propositioned male friends in the past. If they were friends with me because they were after romance/sex, they would have said "Yes". Sad Grin

And I agree about the bitchy men. Some of the most snide, passive-aggressive people I've ever known have been male.

It can be hard to find good people to be friends with, though. So if someone's experience of making good friends has an overrepresentation of either men or women, it's probably due to the small sample size.

Shineystrawberrylover · 09/01/2018 15:49

It's always very sad to see women who detest other women so much that they view women as bitches etc. Such misogyny.

Also it speaks volumes at your level. If you assume sex underlines all m to f relationships you are 1. Obsessed with sex to a juvenile degree. And 2. Heteronormative at best, probably homophobic. AND assuming it all comes from these sex obsessed men. Misandry too. Basically, not a great friend, adult or anyone nice to know really.

Skarossinkplunger · 09/01/2018 15:51

Most of close friends are male, I went to an all-girls school and suffered horrendous bullying and now I find groups of women quite intimidating. Some of my friends are married, some are not but none of my friendships are flirty so it is absolutely
possible. It irritates the hell out of me when people disagree.