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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I dont want GP contributing to dc Junior ISA anymore or am I Bu?

88 replies

NeversayNever2 · 09/01/2018 13:03

Since both dc born DH and I living on a shoe string, so no extra money to put into dc savings for the majority of their lives.
Dh and I put in the odd £50 and then GP put a few hundred in, but it was a stocks and shares one - so that was pretty much wiped out although it did rally a little.

DH were recently in a position to start contributing on a more regular if very small basis of £10 a month! Better than nothing! The way I see it is - the DC just have to make do with what they have, I never had a pot of thousands to draw on when I hit 18...its a bonus if they have anything and the basic use of the money in my mind for them was to either get driving lessons 1, or 2 travel and enjoy themselves a bit...

DH parents have suddenly in past two years decided to contribute to their isas...., the full amount too - wonderful. Im not 100% sure where exactly this is coming from, ie their own pocket, both lost parents recently...does that matter? Probably not, however I find DH parents extremely controlling when it comes to money. Extremely controlling people anyway. Since his dp kind contribution they are delving into how much is in there, saying it should be higher, asking which funds its invested in ( its not its in cash).

I dont know how much more they would put in to be honest but this is going to be handed to the the dc at 18. i would rather they started up their own savings for the GC IF they want that money spent on something in particular.

In my mind this was just a little extra for them. I feel all the dc in DH family have missed out on life experiences because they are encouraged to settle down with houses quickly etc. No one says - go travelling - go and live and see the world, have adventures. I feel a bit stupid writing this but its unlikely dh and I will be high earners so wont this also affect any benefits the dc may need for uni?

Am I being stupid and perhaps its non of my business. Let the GP contribute and take it over...and do another small savings for the dc? It just feels like another area where they are trying to get their hooks in, WWYD? By the way we have a very very up and down relationship with them due to no respecting boundaries and trying to control things. They have been very generous but I would rather go without than have them involved.

OP posts:
Hauntedlobster · 09/01/2018 13:05

Fgs don’t do your kids out of money. Start up your own fund if you must.

Singlebutmarried · 09/01/2018 13:05

Perhaps ask them to look at n s & I site and look at premium bonds for grandchildren for example.

Get them to set their own up

Hellothereitsme · 09/01/2018 13:07

Yes let GP contribute and you start your own one. Kids will be so grateful for money later and let’s be honest it is unlikely to be millions.

GeorgeTheHamster · 09/01/2018 13:09

I don't see how it is controlling. The money belongs to the child as soon as he/ she turns 18.

LyraPotter · 09/01/2018 13:09

I don't really know what you mean by benefits for uni - do you mean they won't be eligible for government benefits if they have savings? Students are eligible for very little in the way of benefits so this is unlikely to be an issue.

I suppose you need to ask yourself if your in-laws meddling is worth putting up with for the benefits it brings your children. You don't want to deprive your kids of a chunk of money just because their GPs have annoyed you a bit. I know you say you weren't given a lot of money at the age of 18 but times are very hard for young people these days.

If on the other hand the money is coming with strings attached and you aren't comfortable with the conditions, you might well decide that it's worth talking to the GPs and having them back off if necessary.

Original poster
NeversayNever2 · 09/01/2018 13:12

but it will be money that comes with a noose around their necks, conditions and over bearing GP bearing down on them. Which is why i feel - they should start their own fund and then they can pay for what they want too.

If they kept putting in the full amount every year and it went back to stocks and shares it could be quite a bit of money - but then you have GP who will be frightened of how the GC will spend it Grin a strange conundrum to have but I see DH cousins as living half lives, terrified to spend any more even though all of them are very financially secure, no partners or GF...no travel, they dont do anything except worry about spending ££. Strange issue to have I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeversayNever2 · 09/01/2018 13:13

lyra I mean a grant - or student loan

OP posts:
FluffyWuffy100 · 09/01/2018 13:14

You could do something else for your kids and let the GPs do this saving method?

Original poster
NeversayNever2 · 09/01/2018 13:15

So why cant GP do another saving method and leave this one alone Grin

OP posts:
alotalotalot · 09/01/2018 13:19

TBH I'd not want any kid to have access to any money at 18. I'd want it to be spent on a significant something - be that travelling, house, uni, car or something similar. Whatever they want, but definitely not to be frittered away on consumables.
Let the GP take over that account and let them deal with the kids and what they spend it on. You do the same in an account in your name where you have control. What I wouldn't do is mingle the boundaries.

friedchickenfrickin · 09/01/2018 13:21

I would let them keep contributing but once your kids are 18, it's really up to them how they spend it. No matter how much of a fuss the grandparents kick up. It's a gift and technically your kids could spend all the money on a lifetime supply of pork pies and there's bugger all they can do about it.

alotalotalot · 09/01/2018 13:22

You could battle over the fact they should leave this one alone. But is it worth it? The kids will benefit and it doesn't really matter who saves what where.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/01/2018 13:23

If the money is in accounts in the DC's names, then it doesn't matter how controlling the grandparents are, because they won't have control over this. You don't need to tell them that they are the sole or main contributors, you don't need to tell them what the level of the funds are, or anything. Just let them contribute if they want to.

NoSquirrels · 09/01/2018 13:24

Do the GPS realise the DC will have full & some control over the money at 18?

Isn’t it worth saying to them - it’s so generous of you, did you imagine them spending it on something particular? Because if so, maybe it would be better if you saved in accounts that you control as signatories until the DC are a bit older? Whilst they may be financially responsible at 18, they also may not. See if that argument sways them.

If not, you & DH start your own ISAs fit the DC to have at 18, and leave the Junior ISA to the GPs.

mindutopia · 09/01/2018 13:24

I think it's fine for them to contribute. Surely, wherever the money comes from, if they are overbearing, they will be overbearing, including if they hand over from their own account at 18. I wouldn't tolerate the meddling in terms of how it's invested now though as I know my dh and I like to manage our own finances and we don't want or take advice from family (and that's been a wise move as we've done just fine on our won). I would graciously accept anything they want to give, but I would put my foot down if they want input on how the account is managed. If they want that level of control, they need to open their own account.

Beyond that though (which is annoying more than anything), I wouldn't worry too much about the future. Raise your kids to believe in your values and to want life experiences and to be not all about money and buying a house right away, etc. and they will do just fine. GPs will likely be quite old by that point I imagine. But if you teach your kids to stick up for themselves and be confident about how they want to live their lives then a pot of money and some meddling GPs won't change that. They'll say thanks and still go off and do what they want to do.

Willswife · 09/01/2018 13:29

How old will the Grandparents be when the children reach 18? Maybe they'll mellow with age!

In all honesty, I would expect that the sort of things the money would be required for is exactly the sort of things that the GP are saving it for them for i.e. Uni fees. Even if it's not what they intended, once they turn 18 it will be up to the children (adults) anyway.

Let them add what they want to it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2018 13:30

Your dhs cousins are allowing themselves to be controlled. What the gps give to your dcs is none of your business and your only concern should be that you take these payments into consideration to ensure you are within the tax free cash gift limits.

If you start telling the gps they can’t give cash to your dc, it is you, who is being equally controlling. And why would you think you have the right to scupper their future?

Pick another battle, not this one. The future for our kids is probably going to be a darn sight harder than it is today.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/01/2018 13:30

ask them to buy premium bonds for your dc- they hopefully will win the odd £25 or even the big one :)

Original poster
NeversayNever2 · 09/01/2018 13:31

It's a gift

they gave dh a gift of PB a few thousand which he sold ( had them since childhood) and they went mad called him to their office and sat him down and told him it was disgraceful that he sold their gift to him! That he should have told them first so they could buy them off him or transfer or something. I did mention last year about the dc having full control when they hit 18 but instead of understand those true implications he just rattled off something about tax allowances it not being efficient. Hmm

Because if so, maybe it would be better if you saved in accounts that you control as signatories until the DC are a bit older

This is what I would rather DH said to them - and knowing their personalities it would be far better this way - then they can contribute to specific things.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeversayNever2 · 09/01/2018 13:37

Your dhs cousins are allowing themselves to be controlled

They wouldn't see it like it like that it goes deeper its a kind of brain washing.

Hard to describe but money and making savings is a large topic of conversation.
DH and I have a tight budget - every penny is accounted for, we just about live within our means and give the DC a nice enough childhood. And we are very very happy! So we do scrimp, get loads of stuff from freecyle, reduced food - second hand clothes where necessary, etc etc etc but we dont talk about it all the time, and let that dominate our lives. The dc including DH were brought up to fear spending ££

The irony that in the early days I would collect DH from his DP million pound Plus house and yet dh would forget his wallet, so myself or other people always had to cover his meals. His old friends from uni told me same thing when we have laughed about how tight he was since they came from very poor backgrounds and yet subsided him. Sil is very very well off - good job no DC, doesnt spend ££. So they wouldnt see it as being controlled. DH broke free thankfully! and whilst he has a retained a healthy fear of debt...he has loosened up loads and we balance each other out.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeversayNever2 · 09/01/2018 13:39

What the gps give to your dcs is none of your business

I agree with this but wish they could do their own savings plan,

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 09/01/2018 13:42

I'm with you OP - I'd never let my parents do this either, exactly because every use of the money would be scrutinized, the DC would be expected to be grateful for the money forever, everytime they had a disagreement it would be thrown back in their faces etc etc.
(my parents for e.g. still regularly refer to things they bought me as a child - and expect me to be fantastically grateful).

I'd say something along the lines of as the ISA has a limit you'd rather they set up their own savings accounts for the DC, so you and DH can continue to save into the ISA. Then at least your DC have the choice to accept the money (and any potential drawbacks) as opposed to it being part given by you and part by the GP.

maddnessintheroost · 09/01/2018 13:44

let the GPs save the money for them - its hard enough for youngsters today.

NoSquirrels · 09/01/2018 13:51

Just let them have the “tax efficient” Junior ISA - including signing over how the funds are invested to the GPS.

Set up your own ISA for each child. At £10 per month you’ll be fine for savings limits etc and can gift it to them to do whatever they want with at 18 or 21 or 17 for driving lessons or whatever you choose.

If you’ve made the GPS aware that at 18 they’ll have no control over what your DC spend that money on then that’s their business.

Just “divorce” the contributions so that there’s a clear split between your money & the GPs and you’ll avoid getting embroiled in it.

It really really doesn’t matter st the amounts you’re talking about where you save your contributions.

Thymeout · 09/01/2018 13:56

Would another savings plan also be tax-free? That's the whole point of ISAs. Doesn't it make sense to invest the whole annual allowance? Your PILs can afford to do this, but you can't.

I'm no money-saving expert, and hopefully someone who is can correct me if I'm wrong.

But this is between your dcs and their gps and I think you're allowing your negative feelings about your inlaws to override your common sense. You can travel at any age. In the current climate, it's a mistake to postpone the realities of adulthood to see the world. Postponing career development and decisions about housing can lead to a lifetime of trying to catch up.