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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed that my husband's work place has no trained first aider

116 replies

IndigoMoonFlower · 09/01/2018 10:47

I wrote a letter that I will not send because I realise it's too long and emotionally charged. It goes like this:

Hi xxxxx, xxxxx and xxxxx

Happy New Year!

At the start of this New Year I wanted to mention First Aid Training. www.savelivesatwork.co.uk/new-regulations because I am concerned mainly for xxxxx, but for all of you too.

On a personal level:

During the Christmas period, a friend of mine with end stage lung disease was taken to hospital by ambulance. When she arrived, she found that xx hospital in xxxxxtown was full and diverting their patients to xxxxxotherhospital. As a result, she spent NINE hours in an ambulance in the car park before she could even get inside the building. The newspapers are not reporting how bad the problems with the NHS are because it's being hushed up. It could be the person closest to you whose life you save, or maybe prevent an existing health problem becoming fatal. If there isn't already a personnel file with employee's health needs and emergency contacts/ info to tell emergency services, please can you do one. Even if an ambulance needs to be called, it can take four hours and people are dying because of the delay.

When xxxxx had his hand accident at work a year or two ago, he was in shock and drove to hospital without me knowing. I was really worried because he didn't return from work at the usual time and (didn't have his mobile phone so I couldn't find out where he was anyway) Probably he "should" have told someone how bad it was, but if the people around him had been aware of accident proceedures and the symptoms of shock, they could have driven him or helped. All sorts of things could have gone wrong on the way. I'm glad he's fine, but obviously some sort of proceedure needs to be in place when someone is injured.

On a business level: Not having trained first aiders is downright dangerous and opens up the risk of serious injury, death and all kinds of other problems, like not being a certified safe working area and more problems, that you can probably imagine. Personally as an employed, I'd be terrified not to have trained first aiders, for all kinds of reasons. I really don't mean to offend anyone, so I hope you will forgive me, but obviously xxxxx is my main concern and if you have already booked one then please disregard what I've said.

Please , please get a first aid course booked asap. If you're too busy or need help sourcing some reasonable ones, I'm happy to help.

Best wishes,

xxxx(myname)

This has been making my blood boil for a long time. The employer is tight with money and goes mad every time they try to book a first aid course because he says it's "too expensive". IDK what to do, but I'm really worried because my husband has a rare lung disease and I don't think they even have files on the employees health needs, emergency contacts or accident proceedures in place. It seems that noone has the time to sort this or the balls to tell the boss it's unacceptable. WTF do I/we do about this??

OP posts:
IndigoMoonFlower · 09/01/2018 16:26

There is no broken shield...and no he shouldn't. There is nothing wrong with the machines, it was human error like cutting yourself when cooking and that even happens to the best of chefs (no he isn't one, I am making a point). I am not going to explain what type of business it is due to confidentiality and to the person who suggested I wanted to make money in compensation - that is ridiculous. If we did that, the company would close and there would be no more wages so that would be dumb, dumb DUMB!!! Grin

OP posts:
IndigoMoonFlower · 09/01/2018 16:29

It is what it is, so if people want to take a rest from trying to psycho analyze me, they aren't going to "get it".

I am purely and simply trying to help my husband to deal with his stuff. Because he ASKED me to. Is that REALLY so hard to understand??

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 09/01/2018 16:42

Regardless of whether it was faulty machinery or operator error that accident should have been recorded and investigated. Did he have to take time off because of it?

cricketqueen · 09/01/2018 16:42

He may have asked you to help but if he is the manager then it is his responsibility. It doesn't matter if he wants your help, he is a grown man who is responsible for health and safety in the work place. He needs to make sure procedures are in place etc. Btw sea his boss know you were there in the office as a non employee routing through first aid kits and God knows what else?

cricketqueen · 09/01/2018 16:43

*does his boss know not sea

digitalDividend · 09/01/2018 16:45

Seems like quite a strange and pointless letter whether you meant to send it or not.

You assume quite a lot about your husband's company. What makes you think they don't have emergency contact details or information about his health?

Are you just trying to get clicks on that link?

IndigoMoonFlower · 09/01/2018 16:48

I meant to say, people need to stop trying to psycho analyze me and read what I said. It is what it is. I am trying to help him and any resulting changes from this conversation will be better for everyone who works there.

I fail to see why I've been criticised and judged as much as I have, but maybe its taboo on MN to discuss MENs mental health??? Perhaps some of you need to go away and quietly research MENS MENTAL HEALTH in case you're ever in a similar position. (Or would you even KNOW if your man was depressed?? ) Then maybe you can learn to be nicer human beings and less judgemental.

Thanks to those who have provided facts and constructive advice!

OP posts:
IndigoMoonFlower · 09/01/2018 16:50

OP have you never written a letter that you didn't send???

What is the point of it you say? Well the point is, I was talking about something that bothers me to get some clarity and help. WHY would I want "clicks"?? Some people have funny ideas...

OP posts:
cricketqueen · 09/01/2018 16:52

Well my uncle has suffered with severe depression for years so yes I do understand about MEN'S mental health. But of course it must be that people are dismissive about MH not anything to do with the fact that ultimately it is non of your business and your behaviour seems slightly obsessive and over invested.

ThePinkPanter · 09/01/2018 16:58

Do you seriously not see why an employer would be pissed that someone took their wife to work? Do you genuinely not see why that is inappropriate?

OutToGetYou · 09/01/2018 16:58

Maybe your DH could find a free first aid course and ask the bosses just for the time to go to it - they do exist, some charities run them.

You/he could report to the HSE anonymously. And you could contact the providers of the employers' liability insurance.

But, really, he should probably look for another job.

IndigoMoonFlower · 09/01/2018 17:00

Not at all, the boss's wife (when she's in the country) is in there as well as everyone else's family . There's an office, I mean so it's not like any of us was in a dangerous area...it's designated "safe" for the public afterall...I don't see a problem seeing as they have members of the public pop in all the time.

OP posts:
digitalDividend · 09/01/2018 17:01

"OP have you never written a letter that you didn't send???"

No, I haven't..

The reason people are giving you a hard time and the reason for the "taboo" is that talking about problems of the menz is frowned up (are are menz in general).

IndigoMoonFlower · 09/01/2018 17:02

Good advice Outtogetyou, thanks

We WILL get this sorted.

OP posts:
cricketqueen · 09/01/2018 17:03

And these members of the public go through first aid kits? and just how have you read the insurance terms and conditions? You really can't see how inappropriate your behaviour is. If your husband is struggling with HIS responsibilities at work due to his MH then he needs to see his gp and/or take some time off or ask for less responsibilities. It is not your job to sort this out for him

IndigoMoonFlower · 09/01/2018 17:04

Maybe if more ladies understood the problems of "the menz" they would have happier relationships...I now feel like people think Im really wierd for caring at all!!!

Honestly, its ok. It's not like I'm about to dissolve into tears, I'm stronger than that- someone has to be.

OP posts:
cricketqueen · 09/01/2018 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OutToGetYou · 09/01/2018 17:08

You do sound a bit manic - how is this a problem of 'the menz', surely it's just a simple shit employer issue?

digitalDividend · 09/01/2018 17:15

IndigoMoonFlower

Remember that AIBU is nothing like real life. In real life women support their husbands and vice versa and you aren't weird for doing so.

Ignore people like Cricketqueen telling you to fuck off. The problems are hers, not yours.

IndigoMoonFlower · 09/01/2018 17:22

Hi Digitaldividend I hadn't even seen that post as there are so many! Thanks! Flowers

OP posts:
cricketqueen · 09/01/2018 17:22

I support my husband plenty thanks. Supported him through many hard times in the last decade. Of course I must just hate men cause I don't agree with what the OP is doing. She has been told many times that she is over invested, had it explained to her that she shouldn't get involved. She can support him without getting in the middle of his work problems, I managed to do that just fine when my DH's last employers were changing and it led to redundency.

digitalDividend · 09/01/2018 17:25

"I support my husband plenty thanks."

What, even when it wasn't your job?

Why tell the OP to fuck off?

cricketqueen · 09/01/2018 17:30

She doesn't have to sort it out for him. He is a grown man. You can support people without doing stuff for them. I told her to fuck off with all the poor menz crap cause it is offensive to presume that just because people don't agree with her that they are some sort of men haters that can't understand men's mental health.
I support my husband by listening to him, telling him that I will back him whatever he decides to do because it is his job not mine. He doesn't need me to hold his hand or come up with the solutions for him. I'm just gonna hide this thread now cause the OP isn't interested at all with any view that is different to hers

strangerhoes · 09/01/2018 17:31

...what a weird thing to write? Your poor husband must be so embarrassed

digitalDividend · 09/01/2018 17:34

"I'm just gonna hide this thread now cause the OP isn't interested at all with any view that is different to hers"

That's good. You also have nothing helpful or pleasant to add.

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