To feel resentful of my DH because of this?

[LazyArseAvocado]

The issue being he bears no financial responsibility for anything whatsoever. He drops his jobs as and when he pleases. He can sit around feeling sorry for himself for months on end waiting for something special. All the while I am left to pay the bills and feed the family. None of the bills come out of his account so he doesn't get any sense of urgency to bring some (or any) money in.

I understand that I'm his wife and I'm supposed to support him in sickness and health but at times I feel he's just mugging me off. I don't nag, I just resent him instead ☹

Btw I'm on slightly above the minimum wage so money is extra tight when he chooses not to work.

Should I pull my socks up and soldier on hoping for better future carrying on supporting him? Does leaving a husband because he won't take financial responsibility greedy?

That last sentence meant to say 'does leaving my husband for this reason make me greedy?'

Do you have any children op, that's he's at home looking after?

No. No it doesn't. If you can manage with your salary you'd be saving money ... one less mouth to feed and a lot less mental load.

Do you have children-how old are they?
Do you jointly own a house?
Why doesn’t he work?
Is he ill?

Depending on the answers, I suspect he might be a lazy cock lodger.

Are there any children involved and what’s the housing situation?

He's not contributing to your life

No you're not selfish or unreasonable to leave him because of this

Arethere, yes one 6yo. He takes her to school (90% time late as he's bad at time management) and picks her up. I had to ask him to do it! I hate asking for help or favours so some more bitter taste in my mouth...

This does save me £42 per week on childcare though.

We privately rent.

As to why he doesn't work. He walked out of his last job because he felt he wasn't treated fairly. Well paid job that he lusted after for a long time.

The one before it he got asked to leave because one afternoon he decided he'd rather go to pub so just left his shift. He liked that job.

The one before that he got asked to leave because he was rude to his colleagues. He liked that job too.

May I ask exactly what you gain from this relationship, because it isn't emotional or financial.

But surely if he worked his earnings would outweigh the childcare costs though? So YANBU. I would be annoyed too. Have you actually talked to him about this? If you're just seething silently then nothing's going to ever change. Also might be totally irrelevant but worth considering whether there could be any kind of MH problem going on.

My ExH did this a couple of times and I almost hated him for it. The second time, I told him how it made me feel in no uncertain terms and asked him how he'd feel if I did it to him and left all the bills for him. He was a bit shamefaced but still believed he'd done the right thing in just walking out.

He's my ex for many reasons (not least as he was a cheating fucker) but we never had financial equality in our relationship. How come everything is in your name? When he's earning, do you go 50/50 on everything or do you still pick up a lot of slack? I know I did for the entire time and he still felt entitled to a slice of me and suggested I paid him for spending time with our DC as he didn't have a job and this would save me childcare costs. Of course, he wanted the same money as a childminder

I personally could never do it and the fact your DH can and does is a massive red flag but I realise I may be projecting. I was so miserable though - sucks to be the one who always has to be responsible and sensible.

Our DD has her father present. We've been together for 12 years so I think it's familiarity that keeps us together.

Do you think if you had a serious sit down showing him all the monthly incomings and outgoings he would pull his socks up?

If the answers no i would seriously consider your options.

Would your additional childcare be covered by tax credits?

He sounds like a lazy fucker who doesn't think twice about fobbing off all responsibility to his wife. You can do a LOT better.

Meadowhey, if I bring it up he tells me I should stop worrying and something will come up and we'll get through it. Or gets annoyed with me and snaps.

Lou hotel, if he worked we would get some extra allowance for childcare, yes.

Tbh the 'getting annoyed and snapping' thing tells us a lot about him I think. He should recognise and understand your concerns. Plus I can see he's lost at least two jobs just for being a bit stupid (being rude to colleague and pub event), which is very childish and irresponsible. I would be fuming if that ever happened to DH. I agree with others that I'm struggling to see why you're putting up with it for so long and should re-evaluate.

You are showing your dd what she should expect of a partner. Would you want your daughter to live a life like yours with a partner like yours?

It's time for him to shape up or ship out. What kind of deadbeat can't even get his kid to school on time when he literally has nothing else to do apart from pick her up.

YANBU. He sounds like a nightmare. Don’t you want to be in a partnership with a man who’s your equal, rather than a dead weight? I’d find it very hard to stay with him, much less sleep with him.

Tell him if he refuses to work, and leaves it all to you, then he is acting like a child, and you will only give him pocket money.
Get rid of all the things he likes, that make his life fun, sky, lock the internet, and tell him unless he gets his arse out and gets a job the phone or Playstation is next.

See how he likes that

I did not have any DC with ExH#1, but he kept walking out of job after job, after job.

One afternoon, he rang me in my work and told me that he was walking out of yet another job! I told him that if he left that job, I would be leaving him. I arranged to stay with a colleague. I got home and he had left him job, so of I trotted and never looked back.

Having a child complicates things a little, but really not so much it would make me stay!

Are you actually giving him spending money? Stop giving him a penny as if he doesnt feel the pain he won't change. He is being totally unreasonable and you alre perfectly right to be resentful.
Maybe leave a big long list of housework to be done everyday so he might get fed up and get off his sorry ass.

Er... in. Sickness and health...not lazy arse can’t be bothered!

What does he give you? What do you gain?

Asking your DH to leave wouldn’t be greedy. It would be you saying that you expect to be treated with respect, that you have boundaries that he needs to respect, that he cannot act like a child/teen hopingnthat someone will always come to the rescue when he can’t be bothered to actually act like an adult.

And it certainly would NOT you being greedy at all.

Half the bills should be coming out of his account. His problem how he manages.