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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel resentful of my DH because of this?

107 replies

LazyArseAvocado · 08/01/2018 21:17

The issue being he bears no financial responsibility for anything whatsoever. He drops his jobs as and when he pleases. He can sit around feeling sorry for himself for months on end waiting for something special. All the while I am left to pay the bills and feed the family. None of the bills come out of his account so he doesn't get any sense of urgency to bring some (or any) money in.

I understand that I'm his wife and I'm supposed to support him in sickness and health but at times I feel he's just mugging me off. I don't nag, I just resent him instead ☹

Btw I'm on slightly above the minimum wage so money is extra tight when he chooses not to work.

Should I pull my socks up and soldier on hoping for better future carrying on supporting him? Does leaving a husband because he won't take financial responsibility greedy?

OP posts:
mumonashoestring · 08/01/2018 21:52

Between not having to feed the lazy shit and things like the reduction in utilities and discount for single adult status on your Council tax I suspect getting shot of him would cover your childcare.

Talk to a solicitor about housing and assets, and talk to CAB to see what your benefit entitlement would be as a single parent.

ferntwist · 08/01/2018 21:54

‘In sickness and in health’ - he’s not sick!

mickeysminnie · 08/01/2018 21:59

Dose he not contribute at all even when he is in work? You seem to pay all bills + childcare?
I would tell him you are no longer willing to subsidise him. He either gets a job, keeps it or he moves out and learns to fend for himself.

Viviennemary · 08/01/2018 22:00

Is he ill? If not then he should be pulling his weight and supporting the household financially. I am of the opinion that both partners take financial responsibility for the household unless both of them agree otherwise. And your obviously not happy with this situation. I couldn't stand for this.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/01/2018 22:04

DH sometimes jokes that of course I can give up work, as long as I continue to pay £xxx into the joint account each month I can do whatever I like.

I’d go with an ultimatum and then kick him out. You and DD deserve better.

recklessgran · 08/01/2018 22:05

He's a cock lodger isn't he? I'm afraid it would be shape up or ship out for me. So sorry OP but do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?

JaneEyre70 · 08/01/2018 22:05

How can you have any respect for him? He's lazy. And happy to let his wife go out and support the family on minimum wage while sitting on his arse contemplating life........... as for saying your DD has her father present, don't for one second think that at some point she won't notice how lazy her dad is too. You are setting her the example that you can be treated like shit by your partner.

Winebottle · 08/01/2018 22:24

Being married, I think you have a duty to try and work on the issue. You should tell him it is not on and give him a chance to improve. If he refuses, you may have no choice but I wouldn't break vows without giving him the opportunity to avoid it.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/01/2018 22:24

Seriously OP, you need to tell him to shape up, or ship out. He is taking advantage of you. Whatever you decide, he can still be a Father, and take your daughter to school etc.
At present he is behaving like a life sucking parasite.

Original poster
LazyArseAvocado · 08/01/2018 22:42

I have to prompt him to contribute to bills when he works. Then he always runs out of money as he has several bad habits, so asks me.

I don't give him any pocket money anymore but I used to.

It's just if I raise this issue with him he turns it round on me, making it out like I am being petty and grabby. That's why I wanted outsiders' opinion.

OP posts:
givemesteel · 08/01/2018 22:49

You need to have a serious talk to him about how much of a burden he is placing on you. Tell him he needs to find another job and stick at it, and if he can't you'll leave. Apart from anything else his cv will start to look a mess if he only sticks at jobs for a few weeks, it will get to be so no employer will touch him.

And he needs to start getting your dc to school on time, not fair on the kid and a terrible example to set.

mickeysminnie · 08/01/2018 22:50

So what's yours is his but what's his is his own?
Seriously? Wake the fuck up and throw his arse out.

agbnb · 08/01/2018 22:52

Would you want your DD to be in a similar relationship? (No financial support, no commitment to supporting children, okay to be late to school, immature ownership of parenting mental load).

This will show her what to expect as "normal".

He needs to step up or get rid.
You'd get tax credits and a lot less stress when you shuffle off the man child shackles.

Check entitledto.co.uk

agbnb · 08/01/2018 22:54

Just saw your update op.

He's a leech and a bad father and responds like that when you shine a light on it. He should be ashamed of himself.

Cambionome · 08/01/2018 22:55

Why on earth are you enabling this useless man child??

GabriellaMontez · 08/01/2018 23:03

Run for the hills.

How does he pay for stuff if he doesn't work? Mobile? Beer? Petrol?

Don't give him a penny. Lazy Bastard.

ugghhreally · 08/01/2018 23:20

Your child's father is present, but he cannot be bothered to look after her properly (financially) and has to be coaxed by you into helping with childcare.

Most people dislike their jobs but most don't just walk out as they have bills to pay - you're his safety net as he knows you have it all covered. He sounds incredibly selfish.

ugghhreally · 08/01/2018 23:32

Meant to add. You're not petty or grabby. On the contrary, sounds like you've been very generous and understanding. He however, is taking advantage.

CoolCarrie · 08/01/2018 23:33

He is a lazy shit and you and your children deserve much better! Run and keep running, or throw him out! Bloody cocklodger!

Jaxinthebox · 08/01/2018 23:35

So how does he pay for his 'several bad habits' when he isnt working and your arent giving him money? Please OP, he isnt contributing anything but is draining you emotionally and financially.

Jux · 09/01/2018 00:09

He's a cocklodger. Get rid.

echt · 09/01/2018 04:44

Is his cock made of gold?

Even then...

What are his "bad habits", on top of the entitled, lazy arsed, poor time management ones?

RestingGrinchFace · 09/01/2018 04:50

I would certainly resent that too.

Rainbowqueeen · 09/01/2018 05:03

Mumonashoestring is right, you probably would be in a better financial position if he left. lower council tax, less food and electric bills.

It sounds like it would also improve your mental health.

I do not believe he will ever change, men like this never do. You are the one who needs to change, recognise he is using you and saying anything to keep you down.

I would ask him to leave and get on with a happier less stressful life.

CaledonianQueen · 09/01/2018 05:06

I have to agree, your oh is an absolute cock-lodger! I bet your family and friends would sigh with relief if you threw this manchild out on the kerb! You and your daughter deserve better! He must be loving putting his feet up whilst watching you work your ass off for your family! Your oh is not a man, he is a pathetic man-child who only cares about himself! Please get rid! You have put up with far too much!

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