To feel resentful of my DH because of this?

[LazyArseAvocado]

The issue being he bears no financial responsibility for anything whatsoever. He drops his jobs as and when he pleases. He can sit around feeling sorry for himself for months on end waiting for something special. All the while I am left to pay the bills and feed the family. None of the bills come out of his account so he doesn't get any sense of urgency to bring some (or any) money in.

I understand that I'm his wife and I'm supposed to support him in sickness and health but at times I feel he's just mugging me off. I don't nag, I just resent him instead ☹

Btw I'm on slightly above the minimum wage so money is extra tight when he chooses not to work.

Should I pull my socks up and soldier on hoping for better future carrying on supporting him? Does leaving a husband because he won't take financial responsibility greedy?

He sounds like a child!

Definitely he needs to explore if he is ill, MH or the like, but it sound more like he is just immature.

Asked to leave a job because he’d rather go to the pub? Rude to colleagues? Who honestly behaves like that?

I wonder does he genuinely think who would provide for him if you didn’t? (because you do). What I’d give to know his thought to the response to that question.

I have one of these at my house.

Only thing that worked was meeting separately with a financial planner (strategy side, and able to help us write up a budget). First I met with her, then OH did. Much harder for OH to turn it on a professional, had to answer her questions and look like a fool to her. Picked up his game enormously.

The budget helped too. It wasn’t me nagging all the time, it was a different kind of accountability. We both ‘owe’ the budget a certain amount each month, which is then automatically distributed to various accounts (including contingencies). So both of us pay half of every bill, then if there’s anything left it goes into a ‘fun’ account. No so paying your share? No fun. No paying your share this month? You owe the budget double next month and it accumulates (shows up red on the spreadsheet). 3 red months in a year? Meeting with planner. More than 3? Meeting with divorce councilor!

Important that this is communicated by a voice other than yours or mine. Ours are obviously are to easy to ignore or trigger bloody useless gaslighting.

Agree with all posts above, but also the taking dd to school late most of the time is very unsettling for her, and needs sorting, whether you stay together or not.

Is he an alcoholic?

You are the opposite of greedy. You seemed very concerned about living up to your wedding vows. Perhaps you would have more peace about ending the marriage if you considered how he is doing living up to his.

Is weed one of his bad habits?
My DH did walk out of 2 jobs but on both occasions had lined up other jobs BEFORE he came home and told me.
And on neither occasions was it because he fancied going to the pub.
He is retired now but his pensions cover his half of the outgoings and his spends.
Your DH is a lazy manchild and also a special snowflake. Awful combination.

Tell him you want a trial separation. It will either bring him to his senses or make it clear to you that you want the marriage to be over. Good luck OP, I couldn’t put up with someone like him. You deserve a bloody medal.

He’s a loser. Get rid.

He's definitely a loser and not a fit parent - he sounds like a teen who got chucked out if school early and can't commit to anything

As for grabby with his money - perhaps he should consider looking up the Work responsibilities - perhaps a short sharp shock in his own place finding rent, bill and food money may help?! I fear not tho

So even when he is working you have to ask him to contribute??? Total cocklodger, absolutely dump him, you wouldn't tolerate that from a working teenager so why from a partner

OP, free yourself, live in bliss !
Show your DD a different way, otherwise she'll end up thinking that this way is the norm, working like a dog, to support a loser.
His opinion of you is totally irrellevant, you are encouraging his behaviour, by keeping him.
You sound more like his Mother, than his wife, that's sad.
Where is your support network.
Come on now , pull up those big girl pants, and think of yourself, for a change, you're worth it ! 🌺🌺🌺

It's just so sad. You try to be a supportive partner and get taken advantage of in return. Seriously where do people like him find the cheek?

Seriously where do people like him find the cheek?

Honest answer - not being unkind - they find the cheek to behave like that because they get away with it. He'll only change if he wants to

OP, it is sad, but you can change things, I'm sorry you're having a rough time, I really am. You're not a drudge, he has to go, whether you separate for good, is another matter.
Wouldn't it be nice to share your life, with someone who was there for you, and wanted to support you. Don't let life pass you by. If a man was treating your daughter this way, I'm sure you'd be on your toes, do this for you. Get him out, don't allow yourself to be put down, or to hear any blather, or false promises.
We're here to support you, all the way.🙋🏼🌸

Agree wholeheartedly with Skittlesandbeer. I winced for you OP, when you said - on taking this up with your husband for the umpteenth time - "We'll get through it...". Yes, of course he can say that. He sits on his arse bringing in nothing for the family so he's getting 'through it' very nicely, thank you.

What if YOU became ill and actually needed financial support, Avocado? You wouldn't have it because he wouldn't give up his lazy, selfish lifestyle for you. What decent man wouldn't be working some sort of job (if he's able)? There's no excuse.

Get a professional to tell him that he's a waste of space (in a more constructive way) so that it doesn't have to be you all the time, that must be soul-destroying for you.

You're right of course. If I didn't enable him he wouldn't take the mick. Kinda puts you off from being kind to people.

I actually quite often wonder well what if I just decided and don't like my job and packed it in? If I left it to him we would be homeless and broke within a month.

I am beginning to feel angry now.

You're not being unreasonable to expect another human adult to behave like another human adult.

I don't know how you do it. I would have to leave.

Avocado, don't start beating yourself up about the time your husband has spent wasting your family's wellbeing by being a useless person. That is counterproductive. Just VOW to yourself that there will be no more. He either shapes up - or ships out.

Skittles and Beer had an excellent right idea ( that rhymes!) It's easy to get worked up and think right that's it, but practicalities are different. What, all things being equal and in an ideal world would you really like? Do you want to separate, or just for him to sort himself out? There's several things here, taking financial responsibility which is why Skittle's idea was so good because more likely to sink in. .. and then there's his whole attitude to work. He needs a career advisor. You say he liked his previous jobs, but left for silly reasons. He needs to look at that. I can see why you might worry he'd do that again. Is he depressed? (not suggesting he uses this as a get out card - but it could be what's behind this) So also perhaps needs medical help. Also. Not on to be late 90 per cent of the time for school - impacts on the child, they get told off by teachers and it erodes their confidence to be always "catching up" with the rest of the room. (I'd ask the school for a meeting, tell them why and get them to explain this to him, so it's not all you) It looks like a tall order and I think you need help to get your point across. So he needs Relate style help too. Not an easy list and won't happen overnight, but you'd be doing him a favour by giving him this wake up call galvanising him, even if you don't stay together -it could be that he knows, but just doesn't know where to start. It is an effort for you to set these things up but its probably worth it as it would still help his role as the other parent (even if no longer together) if he fixed these issues. But if you could see he was committed to working through these issues, would it make a difference to how you feel?

Lazyman...

I never say LTB.
But I think you need to tell him to shape up or ship out,
when he tries to turn it on you say Your the one who is jobless not me.

As your rented, you can tell him your moving and he can keep the one your in..just take your name of the rental.

What a pathetic man child he is. OP, you seriously need to pick your self respect up off the floor.

Firstly, why on earth do you feel like you're having to ask him for a favour in getting him to parent his own damn child?! That's not him helping you, that's him acting like a father for god sake. You should be utterly ashamed and furious of what a pathetic father he turned out to be, not feeling bad and worried about "nagging".

Secondly, if the sexes were reversed and you were the one not working, you'd be called a gold digger, but not only are you bank rolling him, but also worried you're being greedy - internalised sexism has really done a number on you. He's the gold digging user here, not you.

Yes your marriage vows may have spoken about sickness and health, but did they also mention that you should lay down and let him walk all over you just because he can't be bothered to act like an adult? Did you promise to stand by him even when he treats you with such utter disrespect? Are you his mother or his wife?

I'm so angry with this useless sack of skin and I don't even know the guy, I don't know how you can stomach a relationship with him!

He sounds awful. You are between a rock and a hard place op. I literally have no good advice to give because it sounds like no matter what you say to him it will be like talking to a brick wall.

In a situation like this, I would be so tempted to take a day off from work

1. "quit" your job
2. when he asks why you're not at work after he sees you cuddling dd and leisurely feeding her breakfast, say
3. "You and I are trading places. I quit my job. You, go get a job now and pay our bills, or get out of my house. Your choice."

He does not really contribute to you, dd, the house, nothing. He knows he can get away with it. Not sure anything would get him off his hind end. I feel for you, I hope someone has a good idea on what to do.

Yes OP, get angry and get rid. Your extra childcare is £42 - well I bet he costs you that in heating, food, clothes, pub etc etc. You would probably be in a better financial position without him.

He is taking advantage of you.

Good lord, how have you not totally lost it with him before?

Utterly lazy, selfish twat who has to be asked to parent his own child? I would have kicked him out years ago. I know you have said you want your DD to have both parents present but he's not really there in terms of being an active parent contributing to family. He''s sat there like a fucking cuckoo while you're running around do everything.

Do you want your DD growing up thinking this is acceptable in a relationship? She might end up in one exactly the same.

I think the advice of seeing a financial advisor is a good one as he won't be able to turn it back on them. But he really is taking advantage of you here and it's not fair. And you need to do something about it, whatever you choose. Personally, I would be repulsed by someone so lazy and selfish.

Threads like this make me despair.

You support you, your partner and your child on a NMW job, your partner only works when he can be arsed and sacks off to go to the pub. You ask him to do you favours such as picking up his child from school?

For fucks sake.

Is this what you want your daughters future to be?

If so, then carry on.

If not, tell him to fuck off.

oh, this is just awful! What does he bring to the relationship that is positive?