Upset about strange bruises on ds

[namechangedforasecond]

Posting here for traffic. Name changed for this.

So ds 4 has been a bit moany when carried for last few days.

He doesn't nap anymore and Dh usually does bedtime so puts diaper on and by low lamp light as it's bedtime.

He was going to nap today as feeling a little under the weather. I've noticed a bruise each side of his groin. Kind of where the big artery/leg vein is prominent.

Asking him how he got it he got very upset and said the monster did it. At our local community centre the other night. (We were there for dinner and the kids all run around in an adjacent room and play.)

I've asked if it was a kid monster (one of the kids was pretending to be a monster) but he's adamant it's a grown up monster. And it gave him monster scratches.

He's also saying it's a secret which is throwing the fear of God in to me. In my experience that's not the kind of thing a four year old comes out with, maybe an older child.

We've always talked about how we don't have secrets. Ever. Secrets are not good things and not something we do.

He doesn't seem upset or traumatised.

But I'm really trying to hold my shit down. The bruises are weird, the only way I could see them happening accidentally are by falling on to a bike saddle or similar. I just can't for the life of me see how they happened.

I don't even know what I'm posting for. It's not like there's anyone to tell or anything much to tell. I feel like I should tell his teacher in case he complains about them or notices and thinks it's odd.

You are totally justified to be suspicious.

Gentle question, but do you have any reason to suspect your husband? It's just that he is the first person you referenced.

I agree with taking him to the GP ASAP before they have chance to fade.

Excellent advice on here. Truly hoping for an innocent explanation

You absolutely take him to the doctor, but please don’t feel like it’s inevitable something awful happened. My son had an unusual and terrifying but completely not serious disease called Hennoch Schönlein Purpura that presented mostly as appalling bruises. He looked as though he had been beaten with sticks!
Not saying that’s it, just that there may be other explanations.
Will be thinking of you and DS.

Doctor soonest.
Please do not hold the child down or panic him into thinking he is in trouble. As low key as possible with the little one. Yes to pictures. It's a worrying story from a 4 year old.

The doctor might want to involve the police so that they can check out who was at the Community centre and so on. I know that NY State police have a specialist unit... so presume other States have similar.

Good for you to be vigilant. I'd rather be a fool than let down a child

I support seeing a doctor. Good luck.

Get it checked out, make photos.
Be there if your son wants to talk to you but don’t ask too many questions / anything that could later be construed as you instructing or leading him...

Ask him if the grownup monster told him to keep it a secret. If he says yes, tell him that the grownup monster only said that because he wants to continue hurt children so it's really important that he tell you who it is so he doesn't hurt more children and you can all stop the grownup monster.

My son had an unusual and terrifying but completely not serious disease called Hennoch Schönlein Purpura that presented mostly as appalling bruises. He looked as though he had been beaten with sticks!

I appreciate that you're probably trying not to worry the OP, but HSP is absolutely not a "non-serious disease. Dd had it and the resulting complications led her to GOSH and loads of medical hassle.

The secret thing is worrying. If i was told this by one of my own children or by on of my pupils I'd be recording it. If he attends a setting or a school they may also notice it and want answers, especially if you have not given them a reason not to suspect anything.
Take him to a Dr so you have some hard evidence in case anything horrid has happened.
Please don't ignore this. We all have a duty of care to protect children and failing to report it may be seen as neglect if anything did happen so protect yourself too.

I've spoken to my friend more. She's said I should take him to the doctor and a child therapist (who the doctor will probably immediately refer me to. It's just a doctors aide type person for emergencies and referrals so won't be of much help.)

Take to doc but don't over ask your d's about it. The more you ask the more the story can change or get confused. What he told you first time is likely to be the closest to the truth than asking over and over. Maybe ask the doc to ask him what happened. My dd had bruises on her legs round the ankle like she had been grabbed and pulled. I asked nursery and another child had grabbed too hard in jujitsu. Hopefully your ds has also just had some kind of misunderstanding but the secret side is worrying.

Right. I feel like he knows I want to know so may make something up at this point.

I utterly trust dh. He came home from work early and is pretty shaken.

I don't think you should be probing him any more - take advice from professionals. Does he have a doctor appointment?

I'd be very worried about the secret and monster thing alone tbh.

I'm very surprised posters who say they have had safeguarding training are advising you to speak to him anymore about this. That is not recommended at all as you could inadvertently ask leading questions and put ideas into his head. One of the first things they teach you is not to ask anything!

Definitely take him to be checked. Tbh I'm concerned that your DH doesn't think that is worth doing. That would raise a potential flag to me.

Dh is very laid back. People just aren't as aware here about such things, safeguarding etc.

He's totally agreed with the doctor appointment now I've pointed out what I think, he's also been googling child therapists.

I'm not naive, I know these things happen but if I suspected dh for a second I'd be perusing that.

Dh also thought I was being ott when ds had a temp of 104 and was floppy and wanted to take him to the doctor. He's just a bit fucking useless sometimes.

And when ds had a horrible staph infection in his foot. His whole family are very much, we don't need doctors and have to be dragged there. Dh had a horrific infected hand a while back and it when he got red streaks running up his arm and I was hysterical he reluctantly went to the doctors.

There's no rose tinted glasses here. Obviously things can go unoticed but as I've suffered sexual abuse as a child myself I'm all too aware of it.

Please don't press your child any further OP. Normal as possible.

Agree with FlashtheSloth and Nick advice and I also think it is rather a strangely relaxed reaction from DH.

Visit to a relevant professional, and keep it as low key as possible with your child.

Sorry but I think it's incredibly inappropriate to insinuate that the dh has something to hide. There is ZERO evidence of that in what OP has said and it can only serve to upset her, which is cruel imo

The incident needs checking out.... your child does not need immediate therapy through a google search.

A social worker told us the best Avenue was to see a child therapist. Dh was looking to find local therapists at her advice. Please don't be an asshole, I really don't need it right now.

I said he had a strangely relaxed attitude Greensleeves
I think that is a fair comment in the circumstances.

Clearly, and incredibly fortunately for you, you seem to know sweet f.a first hand about this sort of thing.

I'm a qualified teacher, worked for ten years in a children's centre and am a safeguarding officer for a national youth organisation

But making outrageous assumptions about people based on incredibly flimsy evidence seems to be your thing, so you crack on love

FitBit, ouch, sorry to hear that. Yep, I should have added caveats about HSP having possible complications, but in DS’s case, and I believe most, there were none, although it was awful and terrifying at the time.