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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Upset about strange bruises on ds

113 replies

namechangedforasecond · 08/01/2018 19:08

Posting here for traffic. Name changed for this.

So ds 4 has been a bit moany when carried for last few days.

He doesn't nap anymore and Dh usually does bedtime so puts diaper on and by low lamp light as it's bedtime.

He was going to nap today as feeling a little under the weather. I've noticed a bruise each side of his groin. Kind of where the big artery/leg vein is prominent.

Asking him how he got it he got very upset and said the monster did it. At our local community centre the other night. (We were there for dinner and the kids all run around in an adjacent room and play.)

I've asked if it was a kid monster (one of the kids was pretending to be a monster) but he's adamant it's a grown up monster. And it gave him monster scratches.

He's also saying it's a secret which is throwing the fear of God in to me. In my experience that's not the kind of thing a four year old comes out with, maybe an older child.

We've always talked about how we don't have secrets. Ever. Secrets are not good things and not something we do.

He doesn't seem upset or traumatised.

But I'm really trying to hold my shit down. The bruises are weird, the only way I could see them happening accidentally are by falling on to a bike saddle or similar. I just can't for the life of me see how they happened.

I don't even know what I'm posting for. It's not like there's anyone to tell or anything much to tell. I feel like I should tell his teacher in case he complains about them or notices and thinks it's odd.

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 08/01/2018 19:42

Any small chairs he could have sat astride on as part of a game?

Mousewatch · 08/01/2018 19:44

Please don't get your DH to hold him down. If he's upset and they hurt I really think that would be best done by a doctor who knows what he's doing.

namechangedforasecond · 08/01/2018 19:45

No play equipment like that. It could possibly be he potty actually as he does sit down hard but that would be a hell of a whack to get bruises there no?

OP posts:
namechangedforasecond · 08/01/2018 19:45

Right, the holding down feels wrong but I didn't get a decent look.

OP posts:
Flaky · 08/01/2018 19:47

Could it be that the nappies are being put on too tight and rubbing him that area during the night? Ignore me if the marks are in the wrong area.

Flicketyflack · 08/01/2018 19:47

Listen to what he is saying. The bruises on both sides concern me.
Please take him to a Doctor for an examination 💐

WaxOnFeckOff · 08/01/2018 19:48

You don't need a whack to get a bruise, pressure on an edge can do just as badly. I'm not saying it's nothing, just that the most obvious answer is usually the right one.

I regularly get a bruise on my arm from reaching into a high cupboard to get a glass - its just the pressure of the edge of the shelf against the soft inside of my arm that does it.

Aurea · 08/01/2018 19:48

While you're deciding the best course of action, take some photos of the marks.

Greensleeves · 08/01/2018 19:50

Watch him next time he uses the potty and see if the way he sits down matches the marks

AnyFucker · 08/01/2018 19:51

Sitting on a potty would not bruise in the area you describe

SockUnicorn · 08/01/2018 19:52

@namechangedforasecond its the word secret that sent a shiver through me. I would get him to the Dr OP. you can never be too careful and no harm done if its an accident xx

bettytaghetti · 08/01/2018 19:53

Regarding the secret, could you talk to him and say sometimes it's really hard to have a secret all by yourself and sometimes it's best to have one really special person to share that secret with. With gentle guidance could he then share with you or DH?

WaxOnFeckOff · 08/01/2018 19:53

I'm taking it that OP is in the US so that potty means toilet? could be wrong. Thinking that depending on what type of seat they use and how he sits on it and if he was pressing down doing a poo it might mark him?

namechangedforasecond · 08/01/2018 19:55

It's the word secret that's sent me in to a flat spin. He knows secrets aren't good, we don't do secrets.

I did not think it could be the nappy. He's in pull ups that fasten loosely with Velcro.

I'll take pictures and check his potty sitting.

It's just odd he's so specific about when it happened.

OP posts:
RoseNarene · 08/01/2018 19:55

Something worth remembering (and telling your DH) that I have always been told during safeguarding training:

*Don't think: what if I'm wrong?
Think: what if I'm right?
*
Get it checked out, do whatever you have to do to completely rule out that someone has abused your DS. I'm sorry that you're going through this and I hope to God that it isn't what we're all thinking it might be.

BoffinMum · 08/01/2018 19:55

I wrote the safeguarding guidelines for work. These would have been on the potential non-accidental injury diagram and we would have expected someone to make a referral upwards if they saw something like this. So I strongly suggest taking the child to your family doctor and explaining you are very unhappy about the bruises and would like a professional opinion. And don't let him mingle with the other kids in the community centre without you until you are satisfied you have worked out what happened.

Farmerswife36 · 08/01/2018 19:55

I'd be ringing the police and getting him examined by a medic . Every word he has said sets alarm bells screaming !

namechangedforasecond · 08/01/2018 19:56

No sorry when I say potty he still uses a little potty as he's a wee lad and can't reach the toilet. (And is scared of them for some odd reason.)

OP posts:
newsparklythings · 08/01/2018 19:56

SockUnicorn ditto

Take some photos ASAP
Call a helpline if you can find an equivalent
Take him to the doctor's pronto

DO try not to ask any leading questions in the meantime

I called the NSPCC recently and they were fab, really down to earth, logical listening and advice. Would completely recommend getting professional input, better than you going round in circles in your own mind.

Petalflowers · 08/01/2018 19:59

Not sure if you have the NSPCC in USA but at least you can access the British site.

NSPCC

Charolais · 08/01/2018 19:59

Talk to the parents of the other kids and see if there was any funny business going on that night - such as an adult playing with them. Kids do make things up, especially when it comes to monsters.

Farmerswife36 · 08/01/2018 19:59

What has your dh said about the bruises ? Is he suspicious ?

WhooooAmI24601 · 08/01/2018 20:00

As awful as it might seem, Rose is spot-on and you need to get to the bottom of it all.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 08/01/2018 20:01

Are you sure it is a bruise and not some kind of redness/rash? My son had sores either side of his groin area that looked like bruises, a few years ago, it became inflammed very quickly and looked terrible and his legs rubbing made it worse.

StellaTins · 08/01/2018 20:01

I'm a safeguarding officer and works expect this to be reported to me if noticed in a work setting.

Can you talk to him again telling him that mummies and children don't have secrets?

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