To make my DD2 invite 2 boys in her class to her 6th birthday party that she doesn't want to invite because she says they'll ruin the party?

[Lizzie48]

I'm currently planning my DD2's sixth birthday party. I've booked the local parish hall, a party entertainer and arranged with a friend who is a beautician for her to do face painting and nails and make-up. The make-up in particular is something DD2 has set her heart on.

We're having behavioural issues with DD1 (I've posted about that on another friend), and DD2 has been on the receiving end of her temper at times. So I've been looking forward to spoiling her on her special day.

I've been considering a whole class party (30 children). But DD2 is adamant that there are 2 boys she doesn't want to invite because they'll 'ruin the party', she said they're always naughty. She did once say that one of them had pushed her over, but it's certainly not something that I've heard about on any other occasion.

Do I insist that she invites them or let her invite all the class but those two? I don't want to upset anyone. She does have a tendency to say she doesn't want to invite certain children to her party for trivial reasons (she's been talking about it for ages), but it always blows over. With these two boys she does seem to be particularly anxious.

So, WIBU to insist that she invites them? I do want to teach her to be kind and treat others as she would like to be treated. But if she really is anxious about these two boys, I don't want her to end up worrying about them coming.

Perhaps limit the invites to 10/14 or something. A more manageable number and then also you’re not just leaving two out?

Are you sure all 30 children will enjoy having their nails painted?

By the age of 6 they often don't want a whole class party. Just invite the ones she's actually friends with.

Who is this party to benefit.... your DD or these boys? I’d not invite them. As they’re two of them it’s not as though you’re literally singling them out.

I don't think you can invite the whole class except two kids, that would be very unkind. I'd make it a smaller party or if she wants the whole class she had to invite the whole class.

The rule I gave with my DCs is that they have a whole class party of they invite half or less (including themselves). If there was a particular child who was bullying them horrendously then maybe it would be different but definitely not in the situation you describe.

You can't have a whole class less two party. You'll be "that mother" for ever.
Although a beautician to do make up and nails for 5 and 6 year olds already puts you in the category somewhat.

Whole class party with one beautician is ambitious.
However I would listen to your DD. Some classes have to put up with some awful behaviour at school (through no one's fault) and she shouldn't have to put up with it at her birthday party.

But I'd cut the guest list in half and make it much more manageable and then drop the two children quietly.

Will the other boys in the class want to have their nails painted? Realise I am on dodgy ground here; write out 50 times 'I must not assume there are boys' things and girls' things'.

It says make up and face painting so I'm assuming the boys can have face painting? I have a four year old dd. Are they really that interested in make up by age 6? Genuine question.

I had to stop myself saying that, eddiemairswife! (Love that man, v disappointed he's gay.)

Imagine if we had to ask everyone in our workplace to a party, even if they'd been really horrible to us.

DS told me he didn't want to invite one boy to his 5th birthday party. He said that he wasn't very nice to him.
I had witnessed his behaviour on two occasions but that was on the taster day so we weren't around him for long. He kept taking things off DS and refusing to give them back when I asked. He also punched a different child in the face.
(They would've all been 4 by this point!)

DS is a February baby, so quite early on. He told me he didn't want him there, so I didn't invite him. I'm not going to force DS to like someone.

Do you know any other parents well enough to ask their opinion on these boys? Or even ask the teacher?

She's insisted that she wants a 'make up party'. I've made it face painting or nails, along with a party entertainer. So the nails will be a small part of it and I know some parents will say no.

I would reduce the number of children invited, 30 kids having their faces painted will take forever.

And no, you cannot leave 2 out from a whole class party.

If those 2 boys will ruin her party for her don't invite them. I wouldn't want to ruin my child's 6th party just so as not to upset 2 naughty ones (or more likely upset their mothers actually).

That's what I've always thought. I don't think they can be all that bad, there's no particular indication that DD2 is being bullied. There are a couple of other friends who are not in her class so I think we may have to go for the limiting option.

I agree there, Alpacaando. I don't really think the boys themselves would care. I will ask a couple of my friends about them.

I don't think it's fair to invite the whole class apart from 2. Do you know why your dd doesn't like them? You either need to have a smaller party (half the class or less) or invite the whole class and have lots of helpers so that any bad behaviour is more easily managed.

yabu to invite anyone she doesn't like and who makes her anxious. Have a smaller party, you don't have to invite the whole class. Invite about 15 kids of her choice.

If it's whole class, you invite the whole class, regardless of the issues. You can't leave out two kids.

My daughter's last party she wanted to invite the whole world except two boys in her class. The kids were awfully badly behaved and I didn't want them there any more than she did. But it's not fair to leave them out. As luck had it, neither boy came anyway!

Point taken about numbers. Probably a smaller party would be better. I guess I'm projecting a little bit, because my DD1 has been the one left out. So I know it can hurt.

It would be momumentally shitty to leave two children out of a class party.

I also don't see why you should have to reduce the number and half the class should then miss out because of 2 boys bad behaviour. In order to not make it obvious? How's that fair on the well behaved kids that would otherwise have been invited? At 6, invite who your dd wants to be there and don't invite anyone they don't want.