To make my DD2 invite 2 boys in her class to her 6th birthday party that she doesn't want to invite because she says they'll ruin the party?

[Lizzie48]

I'm currently planning my DD2's sixth birthday party. I've booked the local parish hall, a party entertainer and arranged with a friend who is a beautician for her to do face painting and nails and make-up. The make-up in particular is something DD2 has set her heart on.

We're having behavioural issues with DD1 (I've posted about that on another friend), and DD2 has been on the receiving end of her temper at times. So I've been looking forward to spoiling her on her special day.

I've been considering a whole class party (30 children). But DD2 is adamant that there are 2 boys she doesn't want to invite because they'll 'ruin the party', she said they're always naughty. She did once say that one of them had pushed her over, but it's certainly not something that I've heard about on any other occasion.

Do I insist that she invites them or let her invite all the class but those two? I don't want to upset anyone. She does have a tendency to say she doesn't want to invite certain children to her party for trivial reasons (she's been talking about it for ages), but it always blows over. With these two boys she does seem to be particularly anxious.

So, WIBU to insist that she invites them? I do want to teach her to be kind and treat others as she would like to be treated. But if she really is anxious about these two boys, I don't want her to end up worrying about them coming.

Can my DCs come? Sounds brilliant!

Lol, I would love to say the more the merrier. I'm looking forward to it, there's a few weeks to go but there is a lot to do. We've always done soft play parties before or much smaller ones, this is a first.

@Lizzie48 I had this issue with my DD for her 5th birthday. 2 little girls in her class had severe issues (had constant support workers with them etc). She declined to go to one of their parties as she disliked them so much. I was having a full class party. She refused to invite them. Its her party so I would never force her - however I also used it to teach her about bullying and being left out. The options were:
only the class girls come,
leave 10 or more children out (so party of 20),
invite them

in the end she went for girls only. we then buffed the numbers up with some children from the other class and family/friends children.

to confirm i missed out the word BEHAVIOURAL issues! They threw chairs, bit, spat, that kind of thing. My DD was terrified of them as school were transitioning them to a school more suited for their needs and appeared to be letting them run amok (to prove they couldnt cope and they should be moved I suspect)

Will the other boys in the class want to have their nails painted? Realise I am on dodgy ground here; write out 50 times 'I must not assume there are boys' things and girls' things'.

That popped into my head too, as the mum of two still at school boys they'd rather poke their eyes out than do anything "girly" (their words) than do nails and make up!
Assuming there's more boys in the class? As surely there will be if it's a mixed class, would have thought there'd be more than two.
No full class party if there's any issues with any child bullying (pushed over? Anxious? Ruin the party?) Full class party a new thing anyway, that was never a thing when I was growing up!
You invited some friends. To enjoy your day. Not the entire class, there was one bully I'd have never invited and would have been seriously upset if my mum had decided to have a full class party for my birthday and invited her!

That's really hard, SockUnicorn, and totally understandable that your DD wouldn't have wanted those 2 girls at her party. It would really upset me if one of my DDs was afraid like that when going to school.

There's nothing to suggest that DD2 is scared of these boys, she was cross rather than scared during the clash I saw. She was the one doing the challenging, so she's pretty feisty.

DreamyMcDreamy, there are 18 girls and 13 boys. And it's not just nails, though that's the thing that DD2 is obsessed with. (I've said no to actual face make-up.)

But if she talks a lot about make-up, the boys may well not want to come anyway.

What about the inviting people who she says will ruin it and have pushed her over though?
Why would she want them there?

Yes, I am still uncomfortable about it. I definitely don't like the idea of inviting all but 2 of the class, so that would mean inviting all the girls and just a few of the boys. I don't know what the truth is, but if she really isn't happy about inviting them then we'll go for the smaller number. I do want her to have a great time without stress.

Well, the party will be happening on Saturday now(birthday tomorrow). We invited the whole class in the end. One of the two boys will be there but not the other, 23 children in total). DD2 hasn't worried about it since I assured her that we would make sure that no one could ruin her party, and it really doesn't seem to be an issue now.

All that remains now is the final preparations tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a brilliant occasion, we're all very excited.