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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Best Friend of 17 years vs Boyfriend of 15 Months

122 replies

cherylann010 · 08/01/2018 13:05

My boyfriend of 15 months ask me "if me and your best friend (male of 17yrs) were kidnapped and you had to kill one of us which would you chose" i reply honestly and say "i really don't know"...

Now he has broke up with me.. literally 5 minutes before the question we were talking about moving in together and possibly marrying next year or two.. is this not a complete over reaction?

My ex has never showed any signs of jealously over said friend in the past. 17 years of pure platonic friendship. In fact i refer to him as my brother.

OP posts:

Willow2017 · 09/01/2018 08:16

japab
The fact that he dumped her ovet a stupid and impossible to answer question does give a lot of insight into his character.
Would you take someone back who did that to you?
Damm sure i wouldnt. What would be the next " test of my love" would he dump me again if i answered wrongly again?
Childish, petulant behaviour is not attractive.

JAPAB · 09/01/2018 09:08

Willow2017 Would you take someone back who did that to you?

All I am saying is that I think talk of him being an abuser or bully are a bit premature. No, I would not be impressed if someone did this to me (whether they genuinly broke up with me, or it was more of a "sounding off" breakup).

I might take it as a sign that the person is jealous and insecure about this particular friend, and I might groan a bit, hoping that this is a one-off blip, rather then a sign that they are a bit high maintenance in that regard.

Despite not being impressed, can't say for sure that that would be the end. Not if I loved them more than I'd ever loved anyone (as the OP says if I am remembering correctly).

I know on MNN it is seen as the norm to LTB over a single thing but if you are really invested, who knows.

Original poster

cherylann010 · 09/01/2018 13:50

You'll be glad to know i collected all my belongings from his house this afternoon. His mum actually agreed that she would be hurt and that i made it clear my who i care for most! Incredible considering all i have done for that man.

Im absolutely heartbroken...

OP posts:

BenLui · 09/01/2018 13:55

I’m very sorry Cheryl I hope you feel better soon.

ChasedByBees · 09/01/2018 13:56

Nice of him to show his true nature before you move in.

SeaEagleFeather · 09/01/2018 14:08

hope you find someone better soon.

Was this his first long term relationship? it seems such a silly question and a really, really weird response to the 'wrong'answer.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/01/2018 14:08

cherylann I am so sorry you are heartbroken. I do, however, think like many others on this thread that you've dodged a bullet. He sounds like a dick, and I think 15 months is quite enough time to waste on a dick like that.

GrockleBocs · 09/01/2018 14:14

I'd save the person who didn't ask me stupid hypothetical questions about silly situations.

ravenmum · 09/01/2018 14:19

His mum has an opinion on this too?

You must be furious to have put effort into this relationship, for him to break up on a nonsensical issue like this. Maybe he just wanted to break up and was desperately trying to make it your fault? It makes no sense otherwise.

(Why would you have to kill one of them if they were kidnapped? I don't even understand the fictional situation!)

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 09/01/2018 14:34

Sounds like he wanted a way out anyway and this has been his get out.

Imagine when someone asks why you split

"well I asked a hypothetical question if she would murder me or her best friend and she answered I don't know!"

"then What happened?"

Nothing.

I'm sure people will be

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 09/01/2018 14:36

Also what kind of question is that too ask?
I normally ask my DH silly ones like would you rather poo yourself everytime you burp or vomit everytime you trump.

nc1984 · 09/01/2018 17:13

What on earth does it have to do with his mum? Does he still live with her or has he discussed it with her and reported back to you?
Either way, bullet dodged!

ReanimatedSGB · 09/01/2018 17:30

I think you need to be prepared for further trouble from this cock - a mate of mine had something similar and her tosspot ex got his mummy involved, too. She had to call the police and both tosspot and tosspot's mum were cautioned.

You've got your stuff back (and presumably returned any property of his that was at your house). So there is no need for further contact. If he gets in touch, tell him to go fuck himself with a shitty stick and that any further approaches from him will be reported as harassment.

The 'lovely' man you thought you were dating doesn't exist. He's an abusive prick. About 15 months in is a time when abusers are likely to start showing their true colours, because they think on some subconscious dickbrain level that they now have you too invested in the relationship to walk away when they start acting up.

There's NO SUCH THING as being too quick to dump an unsatisfactory man. The worst thing that can happen if you dump a man for one piece of crap behaviour is that you are single for a while. "Dick is abundant and low value" - there are plenty of non-abusive men out there and being single is great: so great that it's worth waiting for a really good bloke before you give singlehood up.
If you 'give him a chance', as women are endlessly pressured to do, the worst that could happen is pretty bad. He could wreck your life for years by controlling and abusing you. You could end up penniless and with children to care for - and protect from this abuser, who you will struggle to rid yourselves of. Abusive men even kill their partners for disobedience.
Stay free and don't fall for any bullshit. Good luck.

blackteasplease · 09/01/2018 17:35

Are you Batman? He always has this dilemma.

butterfly56 · 09/01/2018 17:56

So basically your whole future with him was supposedly based on your answer to his stupid question.
He is a complete waste of space but his mummy will be so glad to have the big baby back!
You deserve a lot more than that idiot.
He's done you a massive favour but you won't realise it just yet

TemptressofWaikiki · 09/01/2018 18:06

Would be so unluky if you accidentally run him over now.....

TemptressofWaikiki · 09/01/2018 18:06

or even *unlucky

Whocansay · 09/01/2018 18:32

OP, please don't be upset. This guy really is an idiot and has the emotional intelligence of a 14 year old boy. You have dodged a bullet and one day you will be relieved.

He clearly gets it from his mother. So be pleased you don't have to deal with her.

CeeBeeBee · 09/01/2018 18:57

What sort of question is “Who would you kill?” anyway? Either he’s been watching too many Saw films or he’s a sadist.

goldengimbas · 09/01/2018 19:18

Does he still live with his mum OP

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/01/2018 19:26

For goodness sake. What if you asked him to choose between you and his mother? It's a similar pointless nonsensical stream of thought.

He sounds shockingly immature and it's nauseating that his mother is defending him and excusing the cruel way he treated you.
I agree with pps, it has the hallmarks of an insecure controlling man.

BarbraDear · 09/01/2018 21:51

Is he 40 and still lives with his Mum?

Yeah, I'd rescue the best friend too.

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