Best Friend of 17 years vs Boyfriend of 15 Months

[cherylann010]

My boyfriend of 15 months ask me "if me and your best friend (male of 17yrs) were kidnapped and you had to kill one of us which would you chose" i reply honestly and say "i really don't know"...

Now he has broke up with me.. literally 5 minutes before the question we were talking about moving in together and possibly marrying next year or two.. is this not a complete over reaction?

My ex has never showed any signs of jealously over said friend in the past. 17 years of pure platonic friendship. In fact i refer to him as my brother.

Well rid. Better luck next time

Thats the kind of ridiculous question my 12 year old asks!

Ha! You probably should have said you would save him, but you have had a lucky escape as he has just showed his true colours and immaturity.

Wooooooooow.
Honestly, don't spend too long being upset about this, it truly is a blessing in disguise. I'd call him a baby but that would be insulting to babies...

He sounds unhinged. I think he did you a favour.

He's 40 I'm 34.. I thought I may be being insensitive to his feelings.. he says hes hurt because I love and care about another man more than him..i love him more than I've ever loved anyone but his reaction is crazy!

Tell him to stop being silly and fill in his homework diary.

He sounds jealous and insensitive.

I’d be rather worried if my OH could easily make a decision like that, tbh.

Are you 17?

He sounds, um, mildly unhinged?

I'm sorry you've experienced this, OP but maybe it's for the best? I can't imagine any rational, stable person behaving this way. Has ever done anything like this before? Was he drunk?

seriously

He obviously had some issues with your best friend being male before now and this was his (really childish) way of broaching the subject. Honestly, if he's going to break up with you because of your answer to a silly question like that, then maybe you're better off finding out what he's like before you had kids or got married or bought a house together

You've dodged a bullet. This man is almost certainly controlling and abusive and you are better off without him. Anyone over the age of 14 who asks that sort of question and takes it seriously is a dumbfuck, but this sounds like someone who wants to isolate you from all your friends and family, bully you into wearing unflattering clothes and no make up, gradually make it impossible for you to work... Move on and don't look back.

If this is true, you dodged a massive bullet.

Thank you OP, this is pretty good.

You've dodged a bullet there love.

Fucking hell.

HE'S FORTY?!!!!

I despair

He's going to come back with conditions for continuing the relationship, mostly involving unstinting devotion to him and that you give up on best friend. When he does, tell him to get lost.
If he doesn't, he was just looking for an excuse to ditch you anyway.

This ^

He's 40 I'm 34.. I thought I may be being insensitive to his feelings.. he says hes hurt because I love and care about another man more than him..i love him more than I've ever loved anyone but his reaction is crazy!

Be prepared for him to try and reconcile with you but you will be the bad guy and he will slowly make you freeze out your male friend of 17 years without you even being aware it is happening because you will be scared he will break up with you again. What hes doing is a way of controlling you = do what makes him happy or else.

He sounds insane.

You have dodged a missile.

I really assumed you were all aged 17.

More to the point, if he and your male friend both wrestled a bear, your male friend would clearly win, while he would lose. So.

That's both really amusing to read and also quite sad.

It reminds me of my very good friend's ex (abusive) wife. She had a screaming fit because he wouldn't lower himself to the level of giving her an answer to her emotionally screeched out question: who would you choose to take into the nuclear bunker- me or your sibling. Yes, she has huge personality disorders one of which is probably incredibly low self esteem, in conflict with a self built pedestal of lofty heights.
Sounds like a similar thing might be behind OP's ex's crazy reaction to a very sensible and honest answer given to a metaphorical question!

I had a boyfriend who was exactly the same (although he was 19 not 40) and it eventually stretched to imaginary scenarios involving my parents to test my love for him. He was horrible to my best friend who had just gone through a horrible time and blocked me from supporting her properly and basically tried to destroy who I was. I ignored the warning signs like asking who I would save etc. thankfully I got out and am now totally in love with an amazing man who would never ask me insane questions like that. You don’t realise at the time how abnormal stuff like that is. I wasn’t allowed any male friends but just because your best friend is male doesn’t make this okay and dont let him convince you otherwise - it seems like this man is trying to control you and although this might seem extreme and not everyone has the same experiences, I believe behaviour like this is a slippery slope.

Sounds to me like he had a problem with you to begin with, to break up with you over a "Probably will never happen question".
I think you've dodged a bullet