DH picked a fight during sex

[beingGoodNow]

Myself and DH are TTC after a loss. He is as keen as ever to conceive and today is possible a fertile day for me. He is usually a nice person but occasionally can be a bit petty and grumpy. Sorry if this is TMI but he instigated DTD, we are using a fertility lube and I put some on him and he said that's enough, but I squirted a tiny bit more out after that- he immediately got annoyed and was huffing and puffing, lost his erection and couldn't perform at all. I apologised and said its not a big deal why is he picking a fight? I told him not to ruin the night and he said he wasn't but he then couldn't perform at all and now he's gone to bed.

I hate how everything was lovely and now there's a horrendous awkward atmosphere. I'm still upset from the MC and TTC is emotive for me anyway without this. AIBU or is he?

I think you were unreasonable.

I think you might both benefit from counselling. I had a miscarriage years ago with DH#1 and we never talked about it much except he kept saying I should get over it. Fast forward years later TTC with DH#2 and it all came flooding back. The specialist who interviewed us made a referral for loss counselling on the spot. Don't let this kind of stuff build up xx

Saz

Well, the OP wants to conceive a child, therefore her partner also needs to be comfortable enough with the conditions of sex that he can actually perform.

Occasionally, my fiance and I have a 'misfire' during sex - one of us does something accidentally - hair pulls, accidentally hurting in some way, randomly doing something unsexy. Sometimes with laughter and comfort it can reset the mood, sometimes it's a buzzkill, and the whole thing grinds to a disappointing halt.

That's what's happened here, and I suspect the fact that it's a man, who's supposed to just be into it at all times and circumstances is part of the feeling that he should 'get into it' regardless.

The idea that he should have just performed for her like a spermbot is pretty grim to be honest.

@Hippydippydoo No - for many men (including one who posted on this thread) too much reduces sensation and makes it harder / impossible for them to climax.

"Am I missing something? What on Earth is the problem with using lube, fertility or otherwise. It improves things for everyone,no?"

That's only true if both partners agree. OP's partner asked her to stop and she carried on. That is a problem. Not the lube in itself, but her disregard of when he asked her to stop doing something during sex. So it is a big 'no'

"If anything it's controlling to tell her how much she can or can't use"

Not when it's being applied to his body it isn't. She didn't ask to continue, or seek to persuade him fairly. She just carried on even though he'd asked her to stop.

It's atrocious sexual etiquette to continue with something the other partner asks you to stop.

To me it sounds like he was in a ratty mood tbh. He's normally lovely but we can all have off days, can't we?

Hope things are feeling between you both now OP and good luck ttc.

Op, firstly I'm so sorry for your loss.
Secondly....ttc after a loss is FUCKING SHIT. My DH and I hated having sex for ages, we both found it an absolute chore, unbelievably stressful and bickered over the most stupid shit.
I remember arguing mid sex with him because he was taking too long! It was the tenth time doing the same boring routine in the same month...no wonder!
The month we got pregnant in the end was when we decided to stop "trying", had a nice meal out, a few drinks and did it once in the cycle. I know that was pure luck but what I'm saying is as hard as it is not to because your desire for your baby is so strong, it might help both of you to try and not to stress yourselves out.
Good luck op x

Please give yourself some time off from this stress and your relationship some tlc for a bit. Throw the energy into booking a week or weekend away. Research it, throw money at it, look forward to it and revel in it. Also give yourself a break getting over this MC because they really bring you down

On a side note: not sure that the evidence for fertility lube is particularly compelling. I think it is a bit of a cynical money grab.

sorry for your loss OP - but i think YABU. I would be annoyed to if i were him - he said enough, you didnt stop. TTC is already stressful, and i understand you are anxious - he is too. Its not just you thats involved in the process, its him too. It just seems a bit cold to me (the way youre describing it). I think you should not ttc for a while. give yourselves time to rest, grieve, recover. Just be in each others company etc. Good luck.

OP I think what posters are hearing loudly from your posts is how upset you and Your DH are from your miscarriage. Which is of course completely understandable, and you may wish to heed the advice above about exploring counselling.

What I and others have advised is to try to take the pressure off. From both of you. We get how fucking hard it is to be where you are right now.

So back to the hot sex. There is evidence that women are more like to conceive if they are turned on. Mother Nature often provides ovulating women with plenty of natural lube in such circumstances. And while commercial companies try to convince vulnerable people like you OP that it's necessary, the truth is that for most young women it isn't.

So I stand by my earlier post. Have fun, and good luck.

Hello ladies i am new to the site ttc 1 im 29 and had my implant removed beginning of July, was on the pill for a week then came off it so been officially ttc end of July with no luck yet 😕i started taking pregnacare 2 weeks ago to improve my chances, last week was my fertile week and had sex every other day. had sex last night when i went to the toilet i saw i was lightly spotting after sex? could this be implantation bleed im guessing its too early as I believe i ovulated on Friday? has anyone experienced this, really hoping this month is our moth 🙏🏼🤞🏼good luck to all you ladies xxx

I'm still upset from the MC and TTC is emotive for me anyway without this

So is he, I am sure.

Be kind and patient with yourselves and each other.

I hope you get the baby you both long for soon. Always remember you're both on the same team.

ZOMBIE THREAD.

You need to start a new thread Decgal you will get more replies.

why would he get upset over that

thanks southnownorth just did it 😀