DH rude or not?

[MotherOfBeagles]

My dh is generally an anti social sod. We are both aware of this but after numerous incidents in the past of him being rude to my family, and me calling him on it with no improvement. Last year I sat him down and said enough is enough. Fair enough you don't have to be super happy crappy pontins entertainer but at least be polite and sociable. The thing is my dh likes my family and enjoys being around them but then he acts like this -

But then today is his birthday, we've been stuck in the house all week with a sick baby. My parents have been away and got home late last night. My brother is currently going through army training and was going back to camp this afternoon for his big exercise and exams and was really nervous. So as always on days like this we agreed to go to my parents house for a few hours to say hello and see my brother off. Dh was fine all morning, laughing and joking. But the minute we walked through my parents door he started acting like an extra from Kevin and Perry - with a smartphone. Face like a slapped arse. Sat in a corner. Not talking to anyone and when asked a direct question responds with "what" and a glare. I tried our "code word" for your being rude join in that we came up with last year during our big heart to heart but nothing. He even answered the phone to his mum and started laughing and joking with her whilst everyone else sat confused and silently mouthing to me what was going on?

Back in the car and dh is all laughing and joking again so i call him on his behaviour. Say he was really rude and offended my family and embarrassed me. Silence. Not a word. He literally went mute.

So since being home I've not said a word to him and I'm not going to until he apologises. We've been through this same incident so many times and I've let it slide or put up with excuses or no apologies but not this time I'm sick of it. I know it's childish to ignore him but I'm just so angry.

So I know iabu to be ignoring him but was he rude or am I over reacting?

Aspergers isn't an excuse for being rude. I get really annoyed with that being used as a reason.

I’d say he walks the dog and tidies daily for the week, if he can’t be polite to your mum he can’t expect to rely on her for so much so needs to pull his weight more. Unless this is playing into some other issues you guys have. It’s very dickish behaviour and absolutely a choice, especially saying he’s happy to go and afterwards saying not really. Next time, have him send you a text / email saying he’s happy to go and say so you can have it if he wants to turn around and make shit up, it’s a shame you can’t trust him but it’s bwcause he has lied to you before about this.

Sounds like you are married to my DH twin brother. This behaviour is the biggest issue in our marriage and we have numerous arguments about it. I think you are absolutely right to play hard ball with this one. If he won’t change you have to decide if you can put up with this shit for the rest of your life. I don’t think your DH will change as he has been conditioned to be selfish.
My DH has such a bad attitude that he doesn’t even want to come to my 40th birthday party. Nip it in the bud now!

I'd just add that where I've seen this sort of passive, sulky, resentful behaviour, is within exactly the context you describe - son of a forceful or domineering mother. The man child seeks a new 'boss' in his partner, then reacts to her actions and ideas as if he were her teenage son. Never instigating activities, never taking responsibility for his own choices. A petulant, passive, complacent waste of time.

Only he can decide if he wants to change.

You might like to make clear to him that being in a relationship with you is an active choice, both ways. If he's not willing to make choices that attract you, you will decide to walk away.

Who could desire sex with a whiny teenager anyway???