Who was unreasonable at this wedding

[Dottie39]

Couple getting married. Family and long distance friends invited for whole thing, fairly small ceremony with around 40 guests and sit down meal.
Local friends invited to party afterwards.

After the ceremony, but before the meal, local friend arrives. His invite clearly said to come for evening only. He asks if he can join for meal but is told by staff all good is prepared however he can go to bar and order something himself. Bride and groom are oblivious to all this. (I'm sure if they had known they would have been more accommodating)

Local friend orders meal and stays for party.

The next morning when bride and groom check out they discover local friend has charged his meal and drinks to their room. They refuse to pay assuming mistake. Local friend, who had stayed at venue also is asked to pay. He argues couple should pay as they invited him to wedding and is now not talking to couple for embarrassing him and making him unwelcome.

Who should pay for the meal?
Who was unreasonable in this situation?
Local friend say they thought they were invited to whole thing, but was late and therefore missed ceremony.

OP, where did CF local friend actually eat his meal? With all the other guests? Or did people have to 'otch up to accommodate him or did he eat alone at the bar and then join the party? If he was in with the guests, surely the b&g were aware he was there?

Either way, he is CF to charge his meal AND drinks to the bridal party.

Do people really do this "sandwich" invitation thing where people come to the ceremony, then have to disappear while other guests are fed, then come back to the evening? That is possibly the most bizarrely tasteless thing I have ever heard

'No less charming than someone privately whinging about a “second rate” invitation.'

If they're doing it privately, then what's it to anyone? People whinge privately about anything and everything. How's that rude compared to someone publicly having a 2 or 3 tier party and expecting everyone to be delighted about it?

I reckon there must be a north/south or working/middle class divide over evening invitations.

Are those who are offended by evening invitations from a more middle/upper class background?

Middle class southerner here. Most weddings I’ve been to have day and evening guests. Never known any offence. Generation older millennial if that makes a difference.

'Do people really do this "sandwich" invitation thing where people come to the ceremony, then have to disappear while other guests are fed, then come back to the evening? That is possibly the most bizarrely tasteless thing I have ever heard shock'

Apparently so. There have been several threads on here about such weddings, too, mainly from OPs who were thoroughly confused by the wording on the invitation. But they're apparently supposed to be very honoured the B&G have deigned to allow them to watch them marry (which you can do anyhow if it's a church), then fuck off whilst they host the chosen ones, then come back later for your sausage roll, gourmet miniature food and over-priced drinks. And don't forget your gift of money.

Pengwwwn the "sandwich type" ones seem to be rare enough and I could be wrong but where they arise they seem to be a peculiarly English trend? I can certainly see why those would be rude as they're extremely inconsiderate of the guests.

The typical Irish or Scottish evening event doesn't leave people hanging about but does allow for inviting eg my team at work who I like and get on well with but wouldn't necessarily socialize with much outside of work barring the occasional leaving do, Christmas drinks, works summer event etc. Or the cousins I don't see that much now except for weddings and funerals but like and enjoy catching up with when we do get together.

None of those people expect their presence to be as important to the couple as eg their closest friends from university or the cousins they were practically raised with or those they've been friends with since age 4 and have seen each other through bad times and good. I'd find it odd if someone in one of those "groups" felt offended that they weren't invited to the whole day. Realistically for most people the other option is not to invite them to any part of it rather than cut the wedding to the bone to accommodate everyone for all of it. I find it hard to believe people who would find an evening invitation rude wouldn't also be offended if they just weren't invited at all tbh. At an Irish wedding evening can easily run to 2 or 3 am so maybe that helps!

It’s not an “English trend”. I wouldn’t call it a trend at all. I’ve only heard of it on here.

See, Pengggwn, I like a dance and a bit of a night out so getting dressed up (and evening invite you don’t have to worry about being too weddingy or hats etc) abd goung for a drink and boogie with a few mates in a celebratory environment sounds pretty good. I have declined evening invites or not gone for long to ones where we dl t know anybody else.

Thanks @SoupDragon. These posts are hilarious!

@expatsinscotland you are right, bravo, no one owns a day. But it is the B&G getting married, not the guests :-D The miniature food was fab, apparently. I did not eat any as I was too busy chatting to my B class friends! Chef made mini gourmet burgers and sausages with dips (his suggestion - we could have had anything, mind!)

We did not ask for gifts from anyone, actually. I was just responding to PP who was saying that evening do guests shouldn't be asked. I agree it's pretty rude to ask for gifts - they are your guests

@Pengggwn - it's ok, you would have declined your B class invite so go and be offended with your buddies and accept you are in the minority view here (said with jest!)

Isn't the point of this post to say local fella was BVU and not to dictate how others plan their weddings? Freedom of choice is ok isn't it? And everyone is free to be offended, too :)

I'm probably the opposite pengggwn I find weddings a very long day so I'm happy enough to show up for the less formal evening bit!

We had a day and evening guests.
There was no choice for us. We had to get married in the registry office, which only accomodated 35 guests. That didn't even cover all our family members, let alone mine, let alone our friends and workmates. Our evening reception was held in a social club, with a free bar and a big buffet. I don't see anything rude about that, the guests were still treated to a free night out.
I'm a northener and my ex is a Londoner, both working class.

@Pengggwn - I agree with your views on many other threads. Have a great day!

The local "friend" is an utter chancer and should absolutely be made to pay his own way, the cheeky fucker!!

Who DOES that?!

Sorry for your friends, that their wedding has had this cloud over it now. :(

TooManyPaws, so glad you posted, I was beginning to think it was just me thinking that having an evening do at all was unusual. Clearly it isn’t! The last wedding I went to was a lovely village affair, church, wedding reception “tea” with speeches then a bit of a barn dance in the afternoon. Everyone gone by the evening. ‘‘Twas lovely.

As in, clearly it isn’t unusual.

Oh bugger, unusual to have an evening do I meant.