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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was unreasonable at this wedding

340 replies

Dottie39 · 06/01/2018 10:15

Couple getting married. Family and long distance friends invited for whole thing, fairly small ceremony with around 40 guests and sit down meal.
Local friends invited to party afterwards.

After the ceremony, but before the meal, local friend arrives. His invite clearly said to come for evening only. He asks if he can join for meal but is told by staff all good is prepared however he can go to bar and order something himself. Bride and groom are oblivious to all this. (I'm sure if they had known they would have been more accommodating)

Local friend orders meal and stays for party.

The next morning when bride and groom check out they discover local friend has charged his meal and drinks to their room. They refuse to pay assuming mistake. Local friend, who had stayed at venue also is asked to pay. He argues couple should pay as they invited him to wedding and is now not talking to couple for embarrassing him and making him unwelcome.

Who should pay for the meal?
Who was unreasonable in this situation?
Local friend say they thought they were invited to whole thing, but was late and therefore missed ceremony.

OP posts:
iBiscuit · 06/01/2018 15:26

I don't think evening guests is a class thing; I'm pretty sure it's what royals do and I've been to plenty at the opposite end of the scale, held in the Legion or wherever.

noeffingidea · 06/01/2018 15:27

Pengwwn we were married in 1987. This happened quite a lot then. Some people couldn't afford any guests at all, or any proper reception, so we thought we'd done quite well, especially as we saved up and paid for it all ourselves.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/01/2018 15:27

LOL at 'gourmet miniature food'. What exactly is that?

A sausage roll with a bit of parsley stuck in it? Wink

Another one here who thinks the hotel should cover this as they didn't check, but that the "friend" was mostly in the wrong. As for "losing the invite" ... come off it, how stupid does he think the B&G are? If he was unsure of anything he could have asked them, but instead he booked a room anyway, clearly intending to go and take the p**s

buttfacedmiscreant · 06/01/2018 15:28

some people have very large extended families that have to be invited to some part of the day due to family politics but budget wise they can’t afford to feed them. The same can be said for social circles and also friends of parents etc. It’s just how it is.

This is how our wedding went, my parents paid for most of it. As a result friends of my parents I had never met came and cousins in law I'd never met were invited. If we hadn't had an evening do at a local pub then most of our friends couldn't have come.

nousername123 · 06/01/2018 15:29

Local friend should pay then the bride and groom should no longer consider this person a "friend" what a cheeky twat x

NewYearsEveEve · 06/01/2018 15:31

Blimey, what a CF!

I don't think day and evening invites are rude. We wanted our evening guests to enjoy themselves as much as possible and there was free food and alcohol all night, plus entertainment and a DJ. No different to any other party really, and it's a long day for a day guest (sometimes I find it quite nice just to go for the evening 😊)

Tistheseason17 · 06/01/2018 15:31

@Puzzledandpissedoff - wish I could tell you - I was too busy chatting to eat any and too stuffed from the wedding breakfast!

RebootYourEngine · 06/01/2018 15:31

What a CF. There is no way i would have paid for him if i was the b/g.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 06/01/2018 15:32

Definitely the CF Friend pays, but that said I’d be having words with the hotel/venue for just letting anyone charge anything to their room!

SoupDragon · 06/01/2018 15:36

If they're doing it privately, then what's it to anyone?

Exactly the same as the poster who privately didn’t care if someone was privately whinging about a second rate invitation. Therefor they are as charming as each other. Which was my point.

SoupDragon · 06/01/2018 15:38

I’ve been invited to the evening part of several weddings and I have never for one moment thought any were a second rate invitation. I’ve just been happy to be able to spend a part of the day celebrating with the couple.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 06/01/2018 15:40

Come on Op, this is dragging out now, who paid in the end?

fellipejuan · 06/01/2018 15:43

Come on OP - what happened in n the end?

To add to the above - at our Weds by we came to settle the bill and there were additional drinks on the bill which was pretty irritating but I let it go. I was embarrassed for them and for me. Still didn't find out who it was!

Original poster
Dottie39 · 06/01/2018 16:10

Well I actually wasn't aware that evening invites were so controversial. Perhaps local friend was peeved...

To answer some questions:
He sat in the bar and ate and the b&g were not aware of any of it all until they were checking out and noticed the meal on the bill. They queried it and friend was also checking out, explained it was theres. Groom said without any thought that he should not be charging to bridal room and friend got annoyed and walked away.
Hotel said not to pay and they would discuss with friend, I do not know outcome of that.

Apparently friend has since complained to many others about his poor treatment and is ignoring b&g.

Bride wants to apologise, groom does not. Local friend is groom's friend more.
I am brides friend, I agree local friend is wrong but wasn't sure of my view was coloured by my preexisting dislike of local friend. Local friend is single and well off.

OP posts:
Moanaohnana · 06/01/2018 16:17

Friend is a knob.

I do think evening invites are rude and didn't do them. It's telling all your friends and family what tier of importance they are on, in your opinion. Rude.

expatinscotland · 06/01/2018 16:20

Local friend's a dick, but at this point the friendship is over. I'd have the hotel chase him for payment.

Bluntness100 · 06/01/2018 16:20

Oh bollocks to that. Asking someone to your ceremony and the evening and then telling them to fuck off somewhere else because you're too tight to pay for their meal is terrible behaviour

This isn't what happens. Evening guests are not inviting to the ceremony, but obviously can attend, as can anyone. Who the fuck invites someone to the ceremony and then they rvening party? Never heard of such a thing.

It's invited to

Either ceremony, wedding breakfast, evening reception

Or

Evening Reception.

I'm starting to suspect honestly you've not been to many, if any, weddings.

Bluntness100 · 06/01/2018 16:22

The ceremony is mentioned on the invite in case you wish to attend, but invite says getting married at x place, invited to Reception at seven pm at x venue.

Your call of you want to go to ceremony, I've never met an evening guest who has. Ever.

expatinscotland · 06/01/2018 16:22

'Evening guests are not inviting to the ceremony, but obviously can attend, as can anyone. Who the fuck invites someone to the ceremony and then they rvening party? Never heard of such a thing.'

There have been a number of threads on here over the years where the bride and groom have done just that. Invited people to the ceremony, usually in the morning or early afternoon, then the evening do.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2018 16:23

Bluntness100 no, their not confusing if woth evening guests. It’s a separate thing that I’ve only heard about on a couple of threads here.

Apparently there actually are peaks that say come to the ceremony but we will be having dinner that you can’t come too but you can come to the party after.

Never known it anywhere other than MN though so it might be an MN phenomenon like a penis beaker.

WitchesHatRim · 06/01/2018 16:24

There have been a number of threads on here over the years where the bride and groom have done just that.

They may have, but anyone can attend a wedding ceremony with or without an invite.

expatinscotland · 06/01/2018 16:24

'The ceremony is mentioned on the invite in case you wish to attend, but invite says getting married at x place, invited to Reception at seven pm at x venue.'

Never seen an invitation like that to an evening do. Just tells you where the evening do is. FWIW, if it's not a church, you certainly cannot just attend the ceremony. Plenty of places are number restricted when it comes the ceremony.

Pengggwn · 06/01/2018 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 06/01/2018 16:25

'They may have, but anyone can attend a wedding ceremony with or without an invite.'

No, you can't if it's not in a church. Registry offices/houses are restricted on the number of guests you can have, and other places might be private property where you can't just rock up.

Bluntness100 · 06/01/2018 16:28

I've genuinely never seen such a thing and would not dream of turning up for a ceremony when I wasn't invited to the whole thing. What would you do the rest of the time? It would just embarrass everyone.

You just turn up in your glad rags for the evening party bearing a gift,,,I've never known anyone who has behaved any differently for an evening do.

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