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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who was unreasonable at this wedding

340 replies

Dottie39 · 06/01/2018 10:15

Couple getting married. Family and long distance friends invited for whole thing, fairly small ceremony with around 40 guests and sit down meal.
Local friends invited to party afterwards.

After the ceremony, but before the meal, local friend arrives. His invite clearly said to come for evening only. He asks if he can join for meal but is told by staff all good is prepared however he can go to bar and order something himself. Bride and groom are oblivious to all this. (I'm sure if they had known they would have been more accommodating)

Local friend orders meal and stays for party.

The next morning when bride and groom check out they discover local friend has charged his meal and drinks to their room. They refuse to pay assuming mistake. Local friend, who had stayed at venue also is asked to pay. He argues couple should pay as they invited him to wedding and is now not talking to couple for embarrassing him and making him unwelcome.

Who should pay for the meal?
Who was unreasonable in this situation?
Local friend say they thought they were invited to whole thing, but was late and therefore missed ceremony.

OP posts:
BKHUN91 · 07/01/2018 10:42

Wedding couple should dispute with the venue that they shouldn't pay as they didn't authorise this charge. No signature from them

umizoomi · 07/01/2018 12:10

I don't understand how evening only invitations are rude and I have never met anyone who thinks so. Standard practise for a wedding in my experience.

I kind of think if weddings as two seperate events - the ceremony and day 'do' and then there is often a small gap and then the evening party with band/ disco etc.

Those who say just go somewhere cheaper and invite everyone are ridiculous. If the wedding breakfast is £75 per head say, you would need to find a venue that does it for £37.50 to invite twice the number. I would expect this place does nt exist

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/01/2018 12:48

I believe the OP has already stated that the hotel told the bridal couple that they wouldn't have to pay it, and that they'd chase the "guest".

Indie139 · 07/01/2018 17:39

The local friend is in the wrong.

chicaguapa · 07/01/2018 17:41

So LFCF has a reason for turning up at the wrong time (allegedly) but once there and realising his mistake, what possible justification did he have for thinking the B&G had to then buy him lunch?

EllenMP · 07/01/2018 17:42

That sounds like an honest mistake. The bride and groom should pay for the meal, thank him for coming for their special day and apologise for the mixup. They are the hosts, after all, and it's their job to make their guests feel welcome and appreciated even if they don't follow instructions.

MaggieFS · 07/01/2018 17:45

How can it be an honest mistake if he missed the ceremony? Either he was following what it said on the friend's invitation which he read when he lost his own, or he was a CF.

CeciliaBartolli · 07/01/2018 17:50

I was invited to a wedding 'thing' miles away. It said reception. When we finally got there ( snow, ice, delays) there was no food, we had been invited to the free bar bit. The free bar had no soft drinks, I do not drink alcohol, I asked for water, there wasn't even water.
Everyone was utterly pissed.
The hall was massive and freezing, guests started to freeze, a friend in a beaded sleeveless frock envied me my jumper and scarf.
Surely there are even worse wedding scenarios?
I do not think couples should invite people to any part of a wedding if you are not going to make provision for them. You will presumably bring gifts, that is why you are invited.
I have also been to receptions where there was insufficient food and was never thanked for expensive gifts.
Really people should get with the program.

Phalenopsisgirl · 07/01/2018 17:53

Was local friend invited to the ceremony and then only the evening? If so this is the ultimate no no. If he was just invited as an evening guest he is the idiot.

MaggieFS · 07/01/2018 17:54

Really people should RTFT or get with the programme, in your own words. He would have been well catered for had he turned up at the time he was invited to.

Your experience does sound poor though, but entirely different.

MaggieFS · 07/01/2018 17:55

Cross post with Phalen!

He was only invited to the evening.

lynzpynz · 07/01/2018 17:56

Have only read OP - but I’d say take it up with the hotel as why on earth did they think it acceptable to allow the local friend to charge to the bride and groom’s room in the first place without their consent?

hinckley · 07/01/2018 17:57

Are you serious !! Who needs friends like that. They would be my ex friends!!! Scroungers

labazs · 07/01/2018 18:21

sounds like invite was clear enough and he was just being a freeloader if he was local didnt need to stop he should cough up

NWQM · 07/01/2018 18:22

Clearly the friend should pay for himself but if I was the bride and groom I'd also be asking the hotel how come a third party - no matter who they were - could charge something to their room. Had they said that guests could do that in any way? If so the hotel might have mislead the guest into thinking it was okay.

JustJayne1959 · 07/01/2018 18:27

What a cheek! He wasn’t invited for the actual wedding just the evening do, so if he wanted and meal and drinks, he pays for them himself. Would he have gone for the evening do and expected the bride and groom to pay for all his drinks? Shock Some people want it all.

honeyroar · 07/01/2018 18:38

Really it's the hotel's fault - they shouldn't be allowing other people to charge on someone else's room. They should wipe this bill and learn from their mistake next time. But the CF was indeed a CF for doing it.

I'm another that has no issue with only being invited to an evening do. I've been to loads, some of which I've travelled to and stayed overnight. I only had 25 people at my daytime meal and 125 at the evening do. Many people travelled 250-350 miles for it. We did a big BBQ at home for them the next day so we had more time with them. I find most daytime receptions fairly boring though.

Maireadplastic · 07/01/2018 19:14

Oh god, not another 'evening wedding invites are wrong' discussion. They are normal for some people and strange to others.

Ade16 · 07/01/2018 19:17

A no brainer this one; he turned up too early and was trying it on; therefore a cheeky, rude and disrespectful arsehole!
Who needs friends like that?
Very obvious why he wasn’t invited to the main ceremony. Complete and utter twat!

bluepumpkin · 07/01/2018 19:39

Yep local friend is total CF.
I also don’t mind an evening invitation, I think it’s the best bit too. Although if it was a good friend I might be a little disappointed.
I’ve been to lots of evening only invitation weddings, and have occasionally travelled and stayed in a hotel too.

arlene123 · 07/01/2018 19:42

It’s obviously the friend who is in the wrong but why did the venue allow it happen without authorisation!?!

strictlylurking · 07/01/2018 19:49

NataliaOsipova

Something like that happened to me. 9 housemates from uni. One gets married and invites the 8 others (and their plus ones) to a wedding that requires long travel for all of them. My then-BF and I were the only ones not invited to the reception, which neither of us realized till everyone was leaving the church (the invitations were very, very confusing). It was so embarrassing I nearly cried. It was only when one of the other housemates and his GF asked us for a lift to the wedding breakfast that we all realized we were the only ones of that group of friends on the "B"list.

We entertained ourselves for several hours and when we did finally go to the venue in the evening, the speeches and desert were still going on and it was excruciatingly embarrassing to have to stand outside the room and wait, knowing the rest of our friends were inside. We didn't say anything, but there were other "B" listers out there with us who were ranting and raving about how offensive they found it.

I get why people do evening invites, even if I wouldn't do it myself, but I would not condone it being done like this. And it's experiences like this that put people off them.

Ohyesiam · 07/01/2018 19:53

Am really not surprised to learn local friend is single.

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 07/01/2018 20:11

I'm 49, and weddings around my area have day and evening guests, I've never known a wedding that was day guests only.

Ade16 · 07/01/2018 20:12

I totally agree. Also, as others have said, the venue was completely at fault too! Could anyone just walk in, gate crash, demand a meal etc and expect the wedding couple to foot the bill? Outrageous! Totally inept management, lack of common sense and quality assurance; also, sheer incompetence and lack of regard for the wedding couple. Sadly, this reflects my own experiences over many years about poor management at certain venues. For example, at my wedding the wedding cake, less than a third eaten disappeared by the next day, and no one at the venue could account for it?
My mother had paid to have the cake made and she was understandably furious, and so were my wife and I.

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