Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 13 14

Original poster

Who was unreasonable at this wedding

340 replies

Dottie39 · 06/01/2018 10:15

Couple getting married. Family and long distance friends invited for whole thing, fairly small ceremony with around 40 guests and sit down meal.
Local friends invited to party afterwards.

After the ceremony, but before the meal, local friend arrives. His invite clearly said to come for evening only. He asks if he can join for meal but is told by staff all good is prepared however he can go to bar and order something himself. Bride and groom are oblivious to all this. (I'm sure if they had known they would have been more accommodating)

Local friend orders meal and stays for party.

The next morning when bride and groom check out they discover local friend has charged his meal and drinks to their room. They refuse to pay assuming mistake. Local friend, who had stayed at venue also is asked to pay. He argues couple should pay as they invited him to wedding and is now not talking to couple for embarrassing him and making him unwelcome.

Who should pay for the meal?
Who was unreasonable in this situation?
Local friend say they thought they were invited to whole thing, but was late and therefore missed ceremony.

OP posts:

Piffle11 · 06/01/2018 10:58

@VictoriaMildrew I'm not being nasty, it's the way I see it. When I got married there was no-one that we didn't want at the whole thing, so we made a few cutbacks here and there - for example, not having chair covers meant that we could invite 3 more guests. Congratulations on being so sanctimonious, though.

LannieDuck · 06/01/2018 10:59

The hotel should pay. They screwed up when they allowed him to charge a meal to a room he wasn't staying in. How did that happen?

(and otherwise the local friend should pay, obv)

user1471443504 · 06/01/2018 11:01

He was embarrassed and annoyed when he realised he'd got it wrong and he decided it was the fault of the b&g for not inviting him to while thing (if another friend had been) so he decided he was entitled to be fed too and it shouldn't be his money paying for it.

Witchend · 06/01/2018 11:01

I think the hotel is at least partially at fault. They shouldn't be letting someone charge to another's room. Otherwise I could walk in and say "oh I'm eating and charging it to room 401-they know me and said it was fine."

Notevilstepmother · 06/01/2018 11:01

Both the friend and the hotel are in the wrong here.

Friend is a cf or an idiot, actually both. If he genuinely got it wrong he shouldn’t expect someone else to pay for his mistake.

Hotel should however let it go as they had no authority to charge the B and G. They will have made enough money from the wedding that 1 meal they didn’t charge correctly to cf room shouldn’t matter to them.

tenbob · 06/01/2018 11:02

Local friend claims he lost his invite, so checked with another friend what the plan was. The other friend was invited for whole event so gave those details.

But if that was true, wouldn't he have turned up for the ceremony as well?

BewareOfDragons · 06/01/2018 11:05

Friend should pay for his own meal, and he should apologize profusely for charging it to their room. He knew they weren't paying for his meal by the very fact that he had to order his own at the bar and pay for it somehow.

CF.

The hotel should be pulled up, too, however, for initially charging it to the bridge and groom's room. Not on!

That said, I also dislike the 'tiered' invites to weddings. If you can't afford to host everyone to the meal and reception, then move venue or cut back somewhere. It's just rude.

VictoriaMildrew · 06/01/2018 11:07

I don't think it's me being sanctimonious to be fair...I'm not the one saying people are rude who are trying to include as many people as they can. It's pretty traditional in this country (and others too) having 'day guests' and 'evening guests'. It's not actually considered 'rude' to do this you know...it's pretty standard. Just because you 'cut back on chair covers' doesn't mean that for others that would have covered it. Just because you don't approve doesn't make it 'sanctimonious' 🙄

SuburbanRhonda · 06/01/2018 11:10

Local friend claims he lost his invite, so checked with another friend what the plan was. The other friend was invited for whole event so gave those details.

But if that was true, wouldn't he have turned up for the ceremony as well?

He claimed he was late for the ceremony. But the story about losing his invitation doesn’t ring true. Most people would register straight away whether they were an all-day guest or evening only and make any plans accordingly. And if you couldn’t remember you would contact the b&g to ask.

MargaretCavendish · 06/01/2018 11:12

I agree it's standard but that doesn't mean it's not rude. You wouldn't have two tiers of guest for any other kind of party.

I also think that anyone who you're not that bothered about not having there for the ceremony and meal, you're not really bothered about to invite at all. Getting people to turn up for a few hours at the end - normally the noisy, dancing bit - is hardly quality time. At all the weddings I've been to where this happened, the B&G barely interacted with the evening guests.

PastaOfMuppets · 06/01/2018 11:14

OP which of these people were you, and if you're none of them what's your involvement? Asking for science

MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2018 11:17

Piffle11 some people have very large extended families that have to be invited to some part of the day due to family politics but budget wise they can’t afford to feed them. The same can be said for social circles and also friends of parents etc. It’s just how it is.

Viviennemary · 06/01/2018 11:17

This person was 100% in the wrong. Unless the invitation wasn't clear and that's highly unlikely since he was the only one who says he misunderstood. He certainly knew before he ordered his meal that he was invited and should pay for it himself. If I was the Bride I'd probably pay but have nothing to do with said person again. In fact I would have nothing to do with him again after this.

Agree with poster who says the hotel is at least partly to blame. He shouldn't have been allowed to charge his meal to another room.

SandyDenny · 06/01/2018 11:19

Not rude in the slightest to have evening only guests

Perfectly acceptable to want to invite say work friends in the evening but not be close enough to them to invite them for the whole day or to be able to afford to

MrsEl · 06/01/2018 11:20

Local friend is obviously the one in the wrong! If I was the bride I would have refused to pay too! I'm sure the wedding was expensive enough in the first place!

happymumof4crazykids · 06/01/2018 11:21

Cf local friend should pay for his meal. He shouldn't have charged it to the b&g room and should have just come back later for the evening do

NataliaOsipova · 06/01/2018 11:21

Weddings are hideously expensive these days...venues charge outrageous amounts as soon as they see a bride and groom approaching.

This is the heart of all these sorts of problems, though, I think. People seem to want to have a celebration which, ultimately, they can’t afford. You really want to include a large number of people? Then you maybe can’t afford a “venue”. And I say that as someone who would say the nicest wedding I’ve ever been to was hosted in the groom’s dad’s back garden and was prosecco and canapés.

So I agree that evening invitations can (and often do) look rude. If, say, you have a discrete group of mates from, say, your hobby or evening class and you invite them all as a group in the evening? Fair enough. But dividing your friends up into A and B listers is bound to cause some muttering. (I’ve seen and heard it many times). I suspect this is what happened here, to be honest. The local guest was clearly unbelievably cheeky and rude - but I’ll bet a pound to a penny that it came from his feeling disgruntled and was done to make a bit of a point. Hotel should absolutely not have allowed it, though - potentially something to raise with them as they should waive it in the circumstances.

MargaretCavendish · 06/01/2018 11:26

Perfectly acceptable to want to invite say work friends in the evening but not be close enough to them to invite them for the whole day or to be able to afford to

How is saying 'I like you, but I don't, like, really like you' not rude?

Weddings aren't the only situation where you could have more people if you took this attitude. We can only fit 8 people in for a dinner party, but 25 for a drinks party. Is it ok if I invite 17 people to drinks, but get them to arrive after me and my real friends have had dinner? Obviously not. I either have a dinner party or a drinks party - it's stunningly rude to have an 'A' party and then a 'B' party.

Curtainshopping · 06/01/2018 11:27

Local friend claims he lost his invite, so checked with another friend what the plan was. The other friend was invited for whole event so gave those details.

I think this bit is plausible if he's a disorganised sort of person.

Piffle11 · 06/01/2018 11:27

@MiddleClassProblem My PIL have a massive family, and there wasn't one person on their list who they didn't want at the whole thing. So we cut back on other things and accommodated everyone. That's how it was for us. I'm not saying my way is right and the other is wrong, I was giving my opinion.

Shadow666 · 06/01/2018 11:29

I think its fine to invite local friends to the evening only. People like co-workers, neighbours, etc.

I find the behaviour of the local friend very strange. Most people in his shoes woykd be embarassed by the mistake and pay up. However, if I were the bride and groom, I'd pay to keep the peace. It cant be that much, surely.

lynmilne65 · 06/01/2018 11:29

MargaretCavendish · 06/01/2018 11:30

The local guest was clearly unbelievably cheeky and rude - but I’ll bet a pound to a penny that it came from his feeling disgruntled and was done to make a bit of a point.

Completely agree with this on all fronts. He clearly didn't really believe he was invited for the whole day - but he was clearly pissed off when he discovered that his friend who he asked for details was and he wasn't.

Slartybartfast · 06/01/2018 11:30

he is ok to stay, and chanced it having a meal.
but - what an idiot charging the couple!

KitKat1985 · 06/01/2018 11:31

Local 'friend' was rude.

I'd have been bloody embarrassed to have lost the invite to the wedding in the first place, before then deciding I'd just go to the whole event without checking with the B&G first. And then to turn up after not even bothering to go to the ceremony after all, and still expecting to be fed for free.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 13 14