Who was unreasonable at this wedding

[Dottie39]

Couple getting married. Family and long distance friends invited for whole thing, fairly small ceremony with around 40 guests and sit down meal.
Local friends invited to party afterwards.

After the ceremony, but before the meal, local friend arrives. His invite clearly said to come for evening only. He asks if he can join for meal but is told by staff all good is prepared however he can go to bar and order something himself. Bride and groom are oblivious to all this. (I'm sure if they had known they would have been more accommodating)

Local friend orders meal and stays for party.

The next morning when bride and groom check out they discover local friend has charged his meal and drinks to their room. They refuse to pay assuming mistake. Local friend, who had stayed at venue also is asked to pay. He argues couple should pay as they invited him to wedding and is now not talking to couple for embarrassing him and making him unwelcome.

Who should pay for the meal?
Who was unreasonable in this situation?
Local friend say they thought they were invited to whole thing, but was late and therefore missed ceremony.

We had someone rock up to our whole wedding who hadn't even been invited at all. He even travelled a long way to gatecrash attend! He was an old uni friend but because we hadn't seen or been in contact with him at all since graduating we didn't think to invite him. Other uni friends told him the date and location so he "just assumed he was invited" and came with them . Fortunately a couple of people couldn't come at the last minute so we had space. Cheeky fucker

Yes A and B lists are rude. Wouldn’t have dreamed of one for my wedding. Choose a cheaper venue, include everyone in the whole thing or don’t bother. Being told you’re a second tier guest to make the dance floor look full is crap.

I don’t mind an evening invite to someone I’m not so close to. I love a party and am not so fussed about a ceremony I’m not emotionally invested in. That sounds harsh but not sure how else to phrase it.

He should pay. If he thought he was invited to the reception, he would have had a place at the reception, not ordered something from the bar. To charge to the wedding party's room is beyond rude.

Haven't read whole thread so assume 1000 posters have said this, but I'll repeat anyway:

If he thought he was invited to the whole thing, how come he didn't bother to attend the ceremony?

How are you involved OP?

My thoughts too Ballonslayer. Why didn't he go to the ceremony?

Not rude at all re: evening invites, it is very common and most certainly does not reflect a tier system.

The hotel should never have charged his meal to the bride and grooms account, he was clearly not the bride or groom.

Finally he was BU.

Local "friend" is 100% in the wrong. He should be held accountable and pay for his bill. Either CF or hotel will have to pay up. Definitely not the married couple's problem. The only misunderstanding here is how the couple have been tricked into a "friendship" with such a CF.

Yes A and B lists are rude

I'd have to strongly disagree. Basically you get two parts, a ceremony and wedding breakfast and then a larger evening party with buffet etc, your invited to either one or both depending on the scale of the first and closeness to the couple. Fairly standard in my view too.

I can't get my head round someone could think it rude, either you've to be invited to the whole thing or nothing at all and a larger evening party isn't permitted. Very strange thinking in my view.

I don't understand why previous posters are suggesting that evening invitations are a "new thing" - just as I don't understand why others state evening invitations are rude. I am now in my mid 50s and when I, and my friends/relations, were marrying 30/35 years ago there were always day guests and then evening guests, just as now my children and their friend's weddings have day and evening guests also. In actual fact I have never once been to a wedding where there wasn't day and evening guests. I have also personally never been aware of anyone being offended. Maybe I live in a parallel universe but in my world this is not just the norm, but the way every wedding I have ever been to has operated.

I think the people who object to evening-only invites are the sort of people who hugely overestimate their own importance - or are the sort of smug idiots who have no idea about anyone else's financial situation and therefore fail to understand that someone might only be able to afford a lunch for 10 family members and then an evening 'come and join us in the pub.'

In actual fact I have never once been to a wedding where there wasn't day and evening guests

Neither have I, I think they must only exist in the areas populated by the professionally offended fumers and ragers who inhabit AIBU, meanwhile in the real world thousands of wedding take place every week with guests happy to come along in the evening without any kind of notion of "tiers"

We had about 50 day guests then about 30 more joined us evening only, they were mainly old school friends or colleagues or distant family. It was mainly down to finances.

I don't mind an evening invite if I'm honest & really fail to see how they're rude.

The hotel should be covering the cost as they should never have agreed to this without checking. CF knob end friend should be ostracised forthwith.

I'm not married because I think marriage is a bit silly, but I do enjoy a good wedding. Evening only invite is fine with me, the cheesy disco is the best thing imho.

Local friend is a CF. He should pay. He was obviously trying to make a point.

I hope the bride and groom refuse to pay and I’m sure his behaviour has made them question whether they want this person in their life at all.

I’m always boggled at the amount of people on these threads who think they should be on the A list of everyone they know.
Is it A list or nothing?

I also much prefer the party to the ceremony so evening invites work for me!

Is it A list or nothing?

Well, yes, actually that's what I do think. I think you should invite the number of people you want to the whole thing and be done with it - which is what we did when we got married.

Somebody always says "choose a cheaper venue", and I always wonder where these venues which are cheaper than the fucking register office actually are

I also always assume these people spend exactly the same each Christmas on their neighbours and colleagues as they do on their parents, partners and best friends, coz it's rude to have "tiers", innt

Assuming the pub was licensed for wedding ceremonies, that would have been dearer than the register office.

Never considered an evening only invite as a B list

My friend has a large family and they would rank higher in a wedding - however I probably spend more fun times with them the rest of the year.

Unfortunately there are times when friends have to step back in favour of the 'done' thing where Great Aumt Agnes must have a day invite!

The party is the fun bit anyway - and usually where Great Aunt Agnes needs to sit down and have a dose....

People who think they deserve an all day pass are rude!

One of my close friends had only direct family at their ceremony and we were all there for a party and buffet after.

I mean of course you’re B list compare to the parents and siblings...