Calendar snoopers! & why I think Nosey Fuckers are worse than Cheeky Fuckers

[Feinfine]

We've had the 'card readers' - those nosey sods who come to your house and read through personal messages in your greetings cards - but there is a new breed in town...The Calendar Snoopers! (CS)

Our calendar is full of the usual family bits and bobs of appointments and birthdays but as we're going through ivf (and have been for years) we have lots of private appointments on there too.

The CS came round for a coffee and started openly flicking through the calendar on my kitchen wall saying "oh you've got lots booked up for this year already, let me have a look what you're up to" and started to have a good read!

I said "it's just work shifts and birthdays" and quickly tried to shove a hastily made coffee in her hand and shoo her away.

AIBU but I just wouldn't read through someone's calendar to see their appointments? There's only myself and DH so never had to worry about anyone else seeing what we've written on it and it never occurred to me that a visitor would flick through the pages and look.

I have to write down what meds to take and when as I will forget otherwise and I've written it fairly subtly but I was still a bit

Just say “that’s private”.

I honestly think some people aren't taught this is wrong. This is the sort of thing you learn at home...at least I don't remember being taught this at school.

I will always remember, when I was a drama student in my third and final year. We were all trying to get agents etc and it was quite stressful.

I was at a party/gathering at one of my classmate's flats and he wasn't in the room...a girl in my class had brought a new boyfriend with her and he found a letter to agents written by my friend who owned the class.

He proceeded to read it out and laugh at it!

I was outraged and told him that he should never read someone else's correspondence and that he was well out of order.

He was gebuinely surprised. He said "Oh you're so goody-two-shoes!" as though I was weird!

Took BILs Christmas presents to the inlaws today (he was working at Christmas) and MIL proceeded to go through his bag and ask what everything was “ooooh I know I’m being nosy but what’s this?”

I told her quite clearly “none of your fucking business” and was then treated to over an hour of sulking as “I only asked”.

I’m sick of it with her, every day she’s into something of ours and constantly sticking her nose in then when I get angry about it she behaves like a toddler that’s been told off.

My MIl does this too. Thinks nothing of reading our calendar, any open letter she finds lying around, everything pinned to the fridge etc etc and then comments on it 'oh don't you have a dr's appointment today' etc grrr (and breathe before I rant about her worst traits)

If someone happened to mention they're going to the Drs, like if they're leaving early from work I used to work with a lady who would always ask people!

Once I was having a minor operation and I felt that I had to tell my immediate team so that I could had a set day off. (It was quite hard to book holidays when other people were off and this was the case at the time of my op.)

They were ladies I was very close with but as the op was a laparoscopy relating to fertility I didn't want everyone to know what the operation was.

A colleague emailed me saying " I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is it for?"

I just replied "I don't mind you asking but would rather not say what it's for as that's private". The one occasion I was able to stop a NF in their tracks!

Yanbu. The cards thing I wouldn't do but MIL does - mostly because cards are her thing - she'll spend hours searching for the card that has the right words in and presumes other people do too. It doesn't occur to her that you would write something personal in card so she wouldn't think it was being nosey to read cards iyswim.

This is my Mum, and my Grandma was just as bad..I remember dog sitting with my Gran for my Uncle and she didnt notice me walk through the dining room to the loo as she was so ensconced in rifling through his mail. She told my Mum...I just happened to see a letter lying around...no you routed through the pile.

Anyway my Mum, cant help nosying through calendars. When my DB lived with me I saw her sifting through papers on his desk. I mean why would you do that ? She used to read my letters from penpals when I was a teen and it felt very invasive, but just served no purpose. I also used to clean for a neighbour and once when she was visiting me on my work day she came across and tried to barge into neighbours house. I made her stay on the doorstep and she was craning her neck to see in.

Some people just cant help their nosy-fuckery

I must admit I sometimes take a sneaky peek at my twin sister's kitchen calendar and I'm sure she'd look at mine if she could only find her reading glasses at the appropriate moment.

My dear late husband was however really miffed when his brother tried to read ours without his glasses. His nose was almost pressed right up to the pages. He exclaimed, "You've got lots of things on, wish my days were as full." Poor DH was terminally ill at the time and all the stuff concerned his diagnosis. He gritted his teeth and if he could still speak he would have snarled, "Would you like the motor neurone disease as well?" I needn't add that BIL still lacks the social skills of tact and diplomacy.

That’s SUPER creepy! Yanbu at all. I’d put a STOP BEING A NOSY B postit on it

This is the sort of thing you learn at home...at least I don't remember being taught this at school.

No, it isn't the sort of thing we learn at school - in fact if they don't learn at home, the classroom calendar (which is for anyone to look through to check term and deadline dates) might give the opposite impression.

My tutor groups were always CFs and they all used to write their birthdays on it and demand presents!

I had a classic once, wrote in my diary (appointments and the likes, not private thoughts) ‘remember to buy smaller b plug, other one too big!’ Meaning bathroom plug...
my mum was visiting and kept giving me funny looks, finally she came out with ‘I thought I’d raised you properly. To be messing around like you do... it’s depraved’
I was like what!? She says she went into nappy bag for a nappy (rubbish, nappies are on display here) and my diary fell open at that page 🙄 ‘cannot believe you engage in things like that. A bloody butt plug!? What’s wrong with you??’
I was so confused til I opened and found the page. Then I fell about laughing. Serves her right bowing into other people’s private things 😂🙄

*nosing not bowing!

I can imagine my mum doing this. She reads my cards. I wrote about it on a thread on here once and people were up in arms that I found it annoying and it was my fault for displaying my cards in my home

She babysat yesterday and I realised too late that I left my notebook out and open, with my lists of what to do this week. That will have been logged.

Once she was reading a message on my phone, with my permission. Ds2 distracted me for a fair few mins, when I came back she was sat there having the time of her life reading all my messages. I might have been a bit sharp about that one!

An essentially kind hearted but very bossy friend was prone to putting me on the spot.Instead of asking 'would you like to come for bbq/meal etc on such and such a date she would say'now then ,are you free on such and such a date ?' and if in our kitchen make a beeline for the calendar. Leaving me with no get out.She took it to a new level once when despite not yet having had chance to discuss with DH ,or thought about it properly,she actually grabbed a pen off the side and wrote on my calendar ,Unbelievable!Needless to say I never relaxed fully with her in my house,always full of 'helpful ' hints on how to organise things,and I no longer have a calendar on the wall.Diary in the drawer away from nosey Ps.

MIL is a calendar-snooper and loves rooting through ours as though it belongs to her. It's not really an issue in the sense that it hurts anyone, it just irritates me. DH says I ought to relax about it and that if it's on the wall it's not private but I still feel irked when it happens.

She also reads every single card anywhere in the house. Even on Valentines Day. Which is a whole new world of nosiness.

I absolutely detest people being nosy like this. It definitely stems from my childhood as my mother would go through my room, all my stuff, read diaries, and then confront me about all of it. I bristle if people ask me the most innocuous questions these days - someone will ask 'Oh, what are you up to at the weekend?' and I know they're just making conversation. I'll say I'm taking the kids out for a walk, for example. If they follow up with 'Oo lovely, whereabouts are you off to?' or ask further questions about it I can feel myself getting defensive and angry when it's not their fault!

My mother is still like this to the point where if she visits I go through my house and lock everything I don't want her to flick through in the boot of my car or in my filing cabinet. She is desperate to see what's in the filing cabinet and comments every time I see her that it is ugly and I should replace it with some nice (non lockable) drawers - even sending me links to nice drawers she's seen! She's read through my post while here, gone through my clothes drawers and checked under my mattress (could tell as sheet left untucked) while I was out. She even went through my ex's business documents and bank statements and denied it when I asked how she could possibly know something she could only find out from that. I've left notes inside cupboards saying 'Why are you even looking in here? Stop being so nosy!' and she got annoyed as she was 'Just helping you tidy up' ! Amazing how often things 'fall out' of pockets or drawers near her...

She even went through the contents of a sealed up bag left in the bedroom bin when exP and I stayed there once, then had a go at me for being 'disgusting' after she found it contained a used condom. It was wrapped, double bagged and put in with a load of other messy rubbish! I was 30 FFS.

She hates how I am not close to her and don't tell her things, I wonder why! It's shame that it affect how I deal with other people too though.

Hmm cheeky to flick through but tbh I wouldn't put anything I wasn't happy for guests to see on a wall calendar in plain sight or I'd abbreviate or something. When it is on that month people will see it without flicking through

Also nearly everyone who came to my house in December had a nose at my cards. I wasn't particularly bothered as I had them on display. I don't do it at other people's houses but that's only because I don't really care who someone else has cards from!
Snooping through drawers and cupboards etc isn't on though.

This drives me crackers too. My mum is unabashedly nosey and she just says "Well I'm nosey" if you confront her about anything. So I just keep everything out of sight - or write in shorthand - she can't read that.

People going through financial documents and diaries is just

So bloody nosey!

I have a relative like this
she asked me once why I kept my filing cabinet locked

well, since to know that the filing cabinet is locked you would have to have to have gone through one room that you had no business being in to access my office, that you had no business being in, and opened a cupboard you had no business being in, before you tried to open the locked filing cabinet.....I think you see why it gets locked

I like my privacy, and she is no longer invited into my home

My DM once read my diary and corrected my spelling.

YANBU, my MiL reads all our cards, then likes to know who everyone is. She swipes through the camera roll on your phone and again asks who everyone is in the photos are. She also looks at the family calendar. It drives me up the wall. However I thought it was me being over sensitive.

Once, at work, I mentioned I was popping to the loo (I was floating and troubleshooting with the colleague at an annual event, So did this out of courtesy so they wouldn't wonder where I was).
They asked me what I'd be doing so they knew how long I'd be.
With a dead straight face I said I was on my period and needed to do a greasy constipated poo so maybe 10 minutes?
They looked aghast.
I was like "Only joking! I need 2 mins to wee and wash my hand... But that's why we don't ask people that!"

Oh my god YES!!!! I was only talking to some friends the other day and saying how bloody brazen it is when people come round and look at greetings cards (it was my birthday last week and MIL and FIL came round for cake and said “right we’re just going to read your cards”) and none of them saw it as an issue and a few even said they do it too!! I find it so rude. MIL has a good look through our calendar as well, and my own mother has even written things on it!