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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to say no presents for 5 year old

87 replies

Mrsknackered · 05/01/2018 10:41

DS is 5 next weekend. Doing invites and was going to say 'no presents please', but AIBU? Is that a bit mean on him? He's not being punished or anything, I just don't want to put pressure on people to bring presents or feel guilty if they can't/don't attend for that reason.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrsknackered · 05/01/2018 10:43

Maybe should add that his present from grandparents is the party, and as we are financially a bit shit ATM, I've got him a little hanging solar system and those little hatchimals and a torch, and he won't be getting anything more from us.

OP posts:

glenthebattleostrich · 05/01/2018 10:44

A bit mean yes.

Let him fill his boots on plastic tat from his pals!

RavingRoo · 05/01/2018 10:45

A 5 yo who has given presents at other kids birthdays is not going to understand why he or she can’t receive them. Don’t use his birthday to make a point.

Whichschool2020 · 05/01/2018 10:45

It’s alwqys a bit tricky when people say that, as inevitably people ignore it and bring something, and then the ones who’ve taken heed feel bad... I wouldn’t. But there is a good point my DH makes about the endless cycle of buying and giving a load of (often) plastic tat that is a bit pointless and depressing!

thepatchworkcat · 05/01/2018 10:45

Won’t he be disappointed? I know my 5 year old would. I know it’s not all about the presents but realistically for kids birthdays mean presents surely?

TeenTimesTwo · 05/01/2018 10:46

Don't say no presents.
Even if people just bring a box of maltesers it will be nice for your DS.
People expect to bring presents to a 5yo party.

Beamur · 05/01/2018 10:47

I don't think you should say that, getting presents is part of the fun and need not be expensive.
Depending on your friends you'll probably find there is a level (maybe £5) that people tend to spend.
DD has a friend whose parent does this. They don't want 'tat' so ask for no gifts. They are generally ignored

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2018 10:47

Saying no presents will probably just put them under pressure to put money in a card.

Let him have his presents if people want to buy them.

He can't help having a January birthday.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 05/01/2018 10:47

Yes, it's his birthday and children know a party means gifts.

I'd ignore if I saw it on an invite and draw my own conclusions about the clause, be it a stealth request for cash fprathr than an actual gift or a sanctimonious parent where the child misses out.

As a side note, a week before is a little late to invite others. Many will likely already have plans.

Backinten · 05/01/2018 10:49

Yabu, let him enjoy happy tat.

Only1scoop · 05/01/2018 10:49

FGS
Yes he's 5 will it really hurt if anyone chooses to bring a gift.

SnowFairyDust · 05/01/2018 10:51

Just let him have the presents, there's no reason to say no and people expect to bring one anyway.

Joobles · 05/01/2018 10:52

I think that is for the other parents to decide.

Is this something you intend to do every time he has a birthday party? If it is not then he will not understand why his 5th birthday different, if it is then you are being very unreasonable and a bit mean.

January birthdays are always a bit pants (I have just had mine), I would be doing everything I could to make it as special as it can be for him.

HopefulForToday · 05/01/2018 10:53

Yes YABU.

cathycake · 05/01/2018 10:53

I felt sad reading this and no it's definitely not something I would do.

He's only a child once and if you don't want to put people under pressure then use your birthday as an example.

I know your hearts in the right place but I'm sure the kids parents may actually enjoy getting a little something for him and a party in January when everyone is feeling glum is welcome

Happy birthday in advance to your ds

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/01/2018 10:54

Yes you are being a bit mean. How would you have felt at 5 if you didn't get any presents. If I got told no presents I'd just get one any way, even if I just went to pound shop. I couldn't turn up empty handed.

sinceyouask · 05/01/2018 10:55

Why on earth would you say no presents? Lovely to make it clear that presents are not necessary, mean to flat out tell people not to give your son birthday presents.

Celticlassie · 05/01/2018 11:10

Another one who thinks people might think you're asking for money instead. People may well be planning to use the opportunity to regift some unwanted Christmas tat gifts.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 05/01/2018 11:13

When it’s your birthday feel free to tell people not to give you presents. But this is someone else’s birthday, a 5 year olds, and it seems really mean to do that to him.

GrooovyLass · 05/01/2018 11:13

I wouldn't be happy sending a 5yo to a birthday party empty handed. 5yos are happy with a £2 toy car as long as it's a present from their pal.

LizB62A · 05/01/2018 11:17

When my son was 6 he asked why he got four Action Men for his birthday "when I don't ever play with dolls" so from then on I put a note on the invitations asking that, if they would like to get him a small gift, that he'd really appreciate a £5 voucher for a specific shop.
He then bought a bigger toy that he really wanted and the other parents only had to spend £5 if they wanted to give a gift (no idea what an Action Man cost then, but more than a fiver I'm sure !)

Viviennemary · 05/01/2018 11:20

No I don't think you should put that on his invitation for a child. And I absolutely disagree with asking for vouchers on invitations. If people ask then fine.

Aki99 · 05/01/2018 11:21

How sad for your little boy. I would never send my child to a birthday party without a present

StealthNinjaMum · 05/01/2018 11:22

So you can't afford much for him, gps are buying a party (which is really fantastic but doesn't give a tangible thing afterwards) and you want to suggest no-one else gets him anything? And this is January so he then has to wait 11 months for his next present?

YAB massively, massively, massively Unreasonable!

Can you imagine the next party he goes to where the child gets a massive pile of presents and he starts to wonder why none of his friends got him a present?

Inadither · 05/01/2018 11:23

I just put a note on the invitation to say no presents expected, we’d just like them to feel they can come. That way if people are struggling financially they know there’s no pressure to bring anything. In amongst all the other gifts they won’t notice. I also get fed up with the plastic tat and the environmentalist in me is a bit sickened by it. So far no one has turned up empty handed that I’m aware of though. I agree that a 5 year old would be very hurt by no presents at all. Perhaps have a smaller party, so there’s not so much of it?

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