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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to say no presents for 5 year old

87 replies

Mrsknackered · 05/01/2018 10:41

DS is 5 next weekend. Doing invites and was going to say 'no presents please', but AIBU? Is that a bit mean on him? He's not being punished or anything, I just don't want to put pressure on people to bring presents or feel guilty if they can't/don't attend for that reason.

OP posts:
Jerseysilkvelour · 05/01/2018 12:22

I'd feel so mean saying no presents for a five yr old's party. The presents are part of the party!

waterrat · 05/01/2018 12:25

My children would hate to go to a party and not give a gift. It's a ritual for all involved!

I totally get the horror of plastic tat and I also would not want anyone to feel obliged. You could say 'Please do'nt feel obliged to give a gift, if you prefer X is saving up for some lego so small donations appreciated'

tbh my 5 yr old's best xmas present was a 20 note so he'd be delighted with a fiver in a card!

Allthewaves · 05/01/2018 12:28

That's one best bits of party for kids. Opening presents from their friends after.

MrGrumpy01 · 05/01/2018 12:29

You will get a range of presents anyway. Dd had a party last year one friend sent just a card and another a bag of sweets. It was fine, people adjust accordingly.

I think it is worse asking for a £5 voucher as not everyone spends that much.

liminality · 05/01/2018 12:34

Can you imagine the next party he goes to where the child gets a massive pile of presents and he starts to wonder why none of his friends got him a present?

So, because other kids get piles of tat, he should also get piles of tat, and we will all compete until we drown in piles of tatty tat because otherwise we're being mean?

I'd say no presents necessary, so people can gift if they want, and let them know that vouchers, consumables and activities are great gifts, also hand-made cards etc.
I can't stand huge piles of useless plastic that gets barely played with and thrown away after clogging up a room for a few years. Ugh.

liminality · 05/01/2018 12:35

Maybe 2nd hand gifts from the charity shop, or books. Books are always good.

DullAndOld · 05/01/2018 12:38

to be honest there are a huge amount of people who wouldn't set foot inside a charity shop 'liminality'. Not that I am one of them but plenty of the child's friends' parents will be.
Kids like 'plastic tat' fgs.

Original poster
Mrsknackered · 05/01/2018 13:46

Wow okay, so! I'm not saying it because we want cash, we don't. But my partner has recently lost his job, and I'm a student, and honestly, we're really skint and I'm not coping very well with it. He will receive other presents from family/my friends. It's just I haven't been able to send him to one party because I honestly couldn't afford the petrol to get him there or get a gift :( it was a horrible feeling and I was trying to eliminate that for other parents. 70% of his class probably are absolutely fine for money, but I know there are a couple who aren't well off and will probably be in that situation for a while longer than we will be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsknackered · 05/01/2018 13:47

And the first party of the class in september, put this on the invites and it had a really good turnout. I DID get her a little something, but I asked her mum before hand if that was okay.

I know a week is late notice, but he changed his mind between the choice of more presents or a party.

OP posts:
StealthNinjaMum · 05/01/2018 14:08

Liminality my - obviously badly made point - is more about his esteem than competing with friends to get piles of tat. Simply I would worry that he would feel no-one got him presents yet they all get presents at their parties so perhaps something is wrong with him? I am not sure a 5 year old could be persuaded that we have too much tat so he should be the only one of his friends to not get presents.

I agree that we all have far too much plastic tat but this stage doesn't last long. My 7 year old daughter has learnt about the environment from school (she didn't listen to my lectures!) and has started to say she doesn't want plastic drinking straws, wants to walk to school, turns lights off, and tells me off if she perceives I use too much water. Perhaps we'll have a conversation about fewer presents / tat when she's 8 and she will understand without getting upset and when we have used the 6,000 bloody plastic hama beads on my floor at the moment that someone bought for her

Beamur · 05/01/2018 16:25

Welcome to the minefield that is children's parties!
One way to minimise tat is surreptitious regifting.. but make sure you remember who gave you a present before doing so.

GeneHuntsMistress · 05/01/2018 16:36

Do you refuse presents on your own birthday op?

Bumpsadaisie · 05/01/2018 16:41

Yabu.

Not only as what five year old doesn’t love presents?

But also in a boundaries sense - what others choose to give or not give (as the case may be) is their business not yours.

Sorry!🙂

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/01/2018 16:51

dec or jan birthdays are crap - often joint pressies

no you cant say no pressies as unfair on your child its his birthday and he will enjoy a few pressies from his friends

and if you put it on the invite, someone will bring a pressie, like you did when asked not to, and make others feel crap

ConciseandNice · 05/01/2018 16:54

YABU. Maybe say ‘please, please £5 max on any presents.’

Quartz2208 · 05/01/2018 17:04

I think you are equating no presents with high turnout whereas I suspect they are not related at all- there is no need to overthink it just send out the invitations and see what happens.

And I am sure that most people took a little something anyway

TimeforCupcakes · 05/01/2018 17:51

That's mean. I bet you got presents at your party as a child, why wouldn't you want the same for your DS? If people are really short of cash they will cut their cloth accordingly with regards to presents

MulhuddartDrive · 05/01/2018 18:04

We've done a "coin in a card" request before for dd and I put a line that she wanted to get a Wendy house from Smyths. Some people put in 50p, others put in £5, others got a voucher for the shop. Ds got her Wendy house and everyone gave what they were happy to include. We do it every year since!

KC225 · 05/01/2018 18:39

I have present box, mainly kids stuff but a few generic bits for adults. I top up during sales, special offers etc. I know lots of people do the same. Let him have the fun of opening presents from his mates.

KarmaStar · 05/01/2018 18:42

H OP
I appreciate your financial concerns but to stop him receiving gifts on his birthday party is really unfair.
He will be attending birthday parties all year and will feel left out and unjustly treated seeing them receive gifts.
Sorry but on this yabvvu

Original poster
Mrsknackered · 05/01/2018 19:46

Thanks all. Point taken! I've never been so stressed out about a party before. I guess I overlooked how he may feel on the day, and will scrap the idea.

OP posts:
grannytomine · 05/01/2018 19:55

Mrsknackered, I do sympathise, with two January babies I often felt like you. I hope it goes well.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 05/01/2018 19:56

My birthday presents from parties used to give DM a lot of fodder for regifting. Apparently I was a fussy madam. But it saved her a bomb. View it as a resource.

Alisasmummy · 05/01/2018 23:05

Maybe put your reasons as to why you have asked this

ColonelJackONeil · 06/01/2018 00:19

When dd was little we weren't always able to do a party but I always accepted invites where I could, as I felt like the birthday child might be upset if not many children turned up. But as I couldn't always offer a party invite in return I felt giving a present was a way if thanking the parent for their hospitality. So this is one reason I like giving a present and it might apply to some other people who can't do a party for some reason.