Am I being a little too British

[MrsMaxwell]

At a dinner party the other evening at some friends house where there was also another couple and one of their relatives who were all very nice and was first time they had met DH and I and they did not know much about us/what we do for work.

During course of the evening the lady started talking about her what her relative (who was also there) does for a living and then she said “you will never believe what X earns - he earns more than everyone in this room put together” mortified host tried to stop her but she proceeded to tell us all how much he earns (it wasn’t more than the rest of us put together). I felt totally mortified as have always been brought up to never discuss how much you earn or how much anything costs but am happy to be told I am an old fart.

Is this just an uptight British/Cultural thing or does anyone else feel uncomfortable discussing wages? The relative did not seem embarrassed at all and I wonder in other cultures is it the norm? Should we be proud and have a bit of a boast rather than than be all stiff upper lip about it?

YANBU

I don't feel particularly uncomfortable discussing wages in general, however what she did was bizarre and boastful.

Are you trying to tell us you earn a lot too?

No

Absolutely nothing to do with you being British; such blatant bragging about money is considered vulgar in polite company in any country.

Well if you are I am too. My insides are shrivelling just thinking about it.

In some cultures it’s ok to talk about your wealth with pride (usually those where poverty is the norm).

Is it just me that's intrigued to how much and what he does

It's a bit crass

YANBU

How did she know what everyone else in the room earned?

I don't mind if people ask me how much I earn but I don't generally proffer it at the dinner table. It is a cultural thing though, the Chinese friends and relatives of my MIL on meeting me for the first time ask how much I earn and what my family did/do for a living. While they don't have a British class system they do have one nonetheless and it's to see whether your family are manual workers or professional class I.e doctors, lawyers, bankers and engineers

Boasting is a huge no no but factually discussing mortgage/rent monthly income is the norm here

I've worked in countries where 'how much do you earn?' comes close after 'why aren't you married?' and 'what do you weigh?' all of which are considered facts rather than prying. But I've never come across a boast like the one you mention, that just sounds rude.

That's funny a Chinese lady is the only person I can't think of who tends to ask how much rent I pay/how much I earn etc. I just respond vaguely "oh not much" "oh about average probably".

I am desperate to know how much this guy earned and how he did it

Absolutely nothing to do with you being British; such blatant bragging about money is considered vulgar in polite company in any country.

This ^^

In some other cultures it is the norm but I still think it's not the norm here. I lived somewhere where I got asked (and told) everything about everyone's finances, what they earned, how much their car/house/necklace cost, what their brother/sister/uncle/neighbour/dog earned and I hated it.

I am from New Zealand and I would have been horrified. I would not even tell my dearest childhood friend what I earn. It is interesting to talk about culture though. I have been caught out before asking people who I knew quite well how much something cost (it was an extension on their house), oblivious to the fact that is considered very rude here. In NZ, as long as you frame the question with "if you don't mind me asking...", people will normally tell you. I quickly realised my error after being politely rebuffed and felt very embarrassed. I still make social boo boos even after six years in England :-).

YANBU

I don't think it should be a topic of conversation between strangers particularly but anyone who works in the public sector has their salary posted on the internet anyway. Anyone can see how much a paramedic or fire officer with 5 years service earns.

I do find it a bit odd that people get offended at being asked how much they earn. I once discovered a colleague with the exact same position as me but with 40 years service with the same company (private sector) was only being paid about a quarter of my salary and I was new to the firm. Had it been more acceptable to talk about salaries then perhaps the company would have been forced to pay her a decent wage. As we had a clause in our contract prohibiting talking about salaries they got away with paying staff a pittance.

In some circles in the UK boasting about own wealth is the norm. Nouveau Riche City boys from questionable backgrounds and footballers and their ilk come to mind.

Exactly, how could she know what everyone in the room earnt? I suppose she's making an ill educated guess though.

Rude and crass. If I'm asked, I'd not really be inclined to give to much away other to very close friends or my Partner if it was a discussion where I wanted to share more for advice perhaps?

How much did he earn?

She didn’t know how much everyone earns it was an ill advised guess.

And there were 7 of us and he earns £100,000 a year ......

I cannot get past the point that she was bragging about someone else's salary while the someone else was in the room!