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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being a little too British

86 replies

MrsMaxwell · 04/01/2018 18:50

At a dinner party the other evening at some friends house where there was also another couple and one of their relatives who were all very nice and was first time they had met DH and I and they did not know much about us/what we do for work.

During course of the evening the lady started talking about her what her relative (who was also there) does for a living and then she said “you will never believe what X earns - he earns more than everyone in this room put together” mortified host tried to stop her but she proceeded to tell us all how much he earns (it wasn’t more than the rest of us put together). I felt totally mortified as have always been brought up to never discuss how much you earn or how much anything costs but am happy to be told I am an old fart.

Is this just an uptight British/Cultural thing or does anyone else feel uncomfortable discussing wages? The relative did not seem embarrassed at all and I wonder in other cultures is it the norm? Should we be proud and have a bit of a boast rather than than be all stiff upper lip about it?

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 19:14

Was she elderly? Like out of the loop on wages?

Original poster

MrsMaxwell · 04/01/2018 19:15

No she was young (30s).

OP posts:

horatioisabrick · 04/01/2018 19:15

I'm not British but this seems very rude and crass to me personally.

A saying from back home:
"One either has it or one doesn't."

It's obviously just a translation but it beasically means that one either has or doesn't have money. But that talking about it is unnecessary.

Glitterspy · 04/01/2018 19:18

Er, ok. Earning 100k isn't that brag worthy in my opinion. It's only 50k after tax. I thought she'd have been talking about millions!

MissConductUS · 04/01/2018 19:19

It would be considered quite rude in the US also.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 19:20

All I can think is that to her it was an awful lot of money? Perhaps her circle is more the average wage and she didn’t realise she was in a room of higher earners?

MissionItsPossible · 04/01/2018 19:20

I want this thread to now turn into "ONLY 100 grand? MY DH earns twice as much as that with bonuses too"

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 19:22

MissionItsPossible But we only spend £50 a week at Aldi

Original poster

MrsMaxwell · 04/01/2018 19:23

I didn’t think it was that much (he - relative - doesn’t work in the UK - but she lives in the UK so is aware of what people earn here I would think).

OP posts:

AnonEvent · 04/01/2018 19:24

I used to live in Malaysia and taking about salaries was completely the norm. It took a while to adjust.

I’m British and I’m more than happy to talk about money, amongst friends, and in the knowledge that there is no judgement either way. I wouldn’t volunteer than I, or anyone else, earned more than everyone else out together.

Jaxhog · 04/01/2018 19:24

Nothing wrong with being British about this! It isn't the norm to discuss salary here, so don't feel embarrassed that you didn't want to. It was rather sad (and a bit insulting really) of her to assume you all earned so much less. I'm sure you all exhibited a suitably stiff lip in response.

horatioisabrick · 04/01/2018 19:24

100'000 / 7 really isn't a lot... especially for someone working full-time.

Was she trying to make a statement about you (her guests) being poor or is it a lot of money in her opinion?
Anyhow, doesn't matter. It's rude.

ONLY 100 grand? MY DH earns twice as much as that with bonuses too"

Why does it have to be the husband ?

Original poster

MrsMaxwell · 04/01/2018 19:26

I have no idea - it was just cringey.

She was a very nice lady though.

OP posts:

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 04/01/2018 19:26

such blatant bragging about money is considered vulgar in polite company in any country

That is not at all true. In some cultures it would be perfectly acceptable to talk about who earns more than who.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 19:26

I mean to me, £100k is a lot. After tax on it, it’s twice our hh income.

Is he one of 7 in the 100 club?

Phalenopsisgirl · 04/01/2018 19:26

Odd, the only time I would think this topic was interesting was if the person in question made several millions a year and did so by inventing musical toilet seats! £100k doing something mundane/ normal is not an interesting conversation

Original poster

MrsMaxwell · 04/01/2018 19:28

No I meant there were 7 adults in the room with professional jobs so it would be unlikely he earns more than all of us put together - it was just a bit weird.

OP posts:

froginapond · 04/01/2018 19:28

Silly woman.

Must feel very insecure about herself if she feels the need to brag about her husband's income.

I would NEVER brag about my husband earning £175,00 a month.

octonaught · 04/01/2018 19:28

was she drunk?
What did the 100k earner do?

froginapond · 04/01/2018 19:29

I mean my husband earns £175,000 a month!

octonaught · 04/01/2018 19:29

--to shut her up?

froginapond · 04/01/2018 19:29

I could be making that up though.

Original poster

MrsMaxwell · 04/01/2018 19:29

Wasn’t even her husband!

I can’t say what as it’s too outing!

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 19:30

But how much does he earn? 😂

500k? 70k?

Phalenopsisgirl · 04/01/2018 19:30

Was it a quirky or interesting career?

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