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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being a little too British

86 replies

MrsMaxwell · 04/01/2018 18:50

At a dinner party the other evening at some friends house where there was also another couple and one of their relatives who were all very nice and was first time they had met DH and I and they did not know much about us/what we do for work.

During course of the evening the lady started talking about her what her relative (who was also there) does for a living and then she said “you will never believe what X earns - he earns more than everyone in this room put together” mortified host tried to stop her but she proceeded to tell us all how much he earns (it wasn’t more than the rest of us put together). I felt totally mortified as have always been brought up to never discuss how much you earn or how much anything costs but am happy to be told I am an old fart.

Is this just an uptight British/Cultural thing or does anyone else feel uncomfortable discussing wages? The relative did not seem embarrassed at all and I wonder in other cultures is it the norm? Should we be proud and have a bit of a boast rather than than be all stiff upper lip about it?

OP posts:
repeatthelyrics · 04/01/2018 19:30

IME people who earn a lot are often embarrassed about it.
How cringy for everyone.

Skarossinkplunger · 04/01/2018 19:31

She was being boastful and that was wrong, however the fact that the British are so uncomfortable discussing wages is What has allowed the gender pay gap to be around for so long.

popcorntime1 · 04/01/2018 19:31

The only time I’ve ever discussed someone else’s wealth is when a friend & I discovered another friend was on the rich list. We knew he was loaded but not by that much. In general I would say it’s rude though.

Does she think you are all paupers?

Biker47 · 04/01/2018 19:31

I don't mind talking about wages, I don't know the problem people seem to have about talking about them though, very odd to me.

AstridWhite · 04/01/2018 19:37

Why is he even telling his braggy relative exactly what he earns? Confused

That's the weirdest part.

thenorthernluce · 04/01/2018 19:37

I've found that the 'millenials' (hate the phrase, but it encapsulates the age range I'm referring to) I work with are very open about earnings, so I wonder if things are changing for the younger generation coming into and moving up the ranks in the world of work?

But in this scenario, yeah, very vulgar and boastful!

Turquoisetamborine · 04/01/2018 19:37

Kiwikiss I wouldn’t be offended at all if you asked me how much my extension cost. In fact I’ve been asked many times how much it cost since we had it built.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 19:38

If it’s his daughter, it’s weird but I think like a cousin or something that’s not benefiting from it’s more like she’s just in awe rather than bragging iyswim

Mightybanhammer · 04/01/2018 19:40

I was brought up never to talk about how much things cost, or how much people earned.
Really cringe worthy

wakemeupbefore · 04/01/2018 19:41

peppapig, I did say in 'polite' company. Only people who haven't had much money seem to be inclined to want to talk about their newly-got 'riches.
Well, riches to them...
Real old money is never talked about anywhere.
Hmm

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 04/01/2018 19:42

No, you're still wrong. And ethnocentric. Your notions of politeness are not worldwide ones.

Glitterspy · 04/01/2018 19:42

...and this is why we shouldn't talk about money. 100k being not much to some, while to others it's many times their annual income, just makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

Pereie · 04/01/2018 19:45

I don't find it offencive, but out of context and a bit weird. If its not relevant to the conversation the why bother mentioning it.

wakemeupbefore · 04/01/2018 19:46

Peppapig, you might well be correct.

Etaina · 04/01/2018 19:47

I don't know why we feel it is impolite to talk about money in this country. It's just money after all.

BonnieF · 04/01/2018 20:00

Were these people called Melanie and Donald?

Poshindevon · 04/01/2018 20:02

she was a very nice lady though
She has just been crass and offensive making everyone in the room uncomfortable with her sweeping statement about peoples salary, yet OP, you thought she was very nice lady.
She sounds quite unpleasant to me

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 20:03

BonnieF unfortunately he does earn more than the whole room

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 04/01/2018 20:05

BonnieF Grin

I am not British and was brought up to never discuss earnings or ask how much things cost. My MIL is the epitome of British middle class and frequently asks this sort of question- she is quite comfortable with it too. I cringe, I can't help it. So not sure it's a British thing OP!

iamyourequal · 04/01/2018 20:08

Yanbu OP. It's vulgar to brag about earnings, ask about earnings etc.

Twofishfingers · 04/01/2018 20:14

It's not OK to talk about wages at a table with British people. Next time, stick to who fits in which class. Those new rich are so annoying.

StarWarsFanatic · 04/01/2018 20:19

I was working two jobs for a time, one of my colleagues in my part-time job (same age as me) got promoted to manager and then was trying to brag about how he negotiated his new salary and how he earned more than me. Erm, no. He didn't, he earned about £1,000 less than I did at my other job and I earned more for a day's work in the job were we both worked than he did, if that makes sense? I was mortified that he would bring it up in the first place though.

IKnewTheStorm · 04/01/2018 20:30

It sounds like she’s quite easily impressed and in awe of the fact that someone related to her is earning £100k a year. This is a good salary but not stellar if you work in law or banking for example.

She probably didn’t mean to be rude or boastful if she was otherwise nice and pleasant.

lljkk · 04/01/2018 20:37

"he earns more than everyone in this room put together"

I'm American & we would consider that kind of gushing to be crass.
I enjoy daft people, though. I'd encourage them to best themselves in that kind of situation.

CoraPirbright · 04/01/2018 20:48

Unutterably vulgar!!

Reinette makes an interesting point though, about clauses in contracts for secrecy regarding earnings which allow companies to screw over their employees. Perhaps we should all be a little less British about this.....(you first though, I could never ever...)