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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make nephews sleep in same room as their parents?

81 replies

iwant2know · 04/01/2018 16:48

Over Christmas my dsis, her DH and two dnephews stayed with us for two nights. Dsis and DH in one room. 7 and 9 year old DNs in another room. Both rooms have double sized divan beds with storage drawers.

After they left I noticed that one of the drawers of the divan in the boys room was broken. The bottom of the drawer has been cracked and the side panel had been popped out of place. When the boys were in the room there was no need for them to be in any of the drawers.

I asked you Dsis if she had noticed a broken drawer. She said she had and she had pushed it back in place even though it wouldn't go in properly.

The drawer is now broken. It is stuck at an angle so you can't use it. It's obvious that something has happened to it so I asked Dsis if the boys were playing with it. She initially said no. However later on she texted me to say yes the boys were playing in the drawer and may have damaged it.

I texted back I wish that they had said something rather than pushing the drawer back in because we probably could have fixed it before she did that.

Dsis texted back well it's only a drawer. It's not that important. I responded saying fair enough it just means the boys will be sleeping in with you if you stay over again.

Fast forward to today Dsis has call to ask if they can all stay over next Saturday because they're going to a tournament in our town. I said well as long as you're ok with sleeping in with the boys then that's fine. She said she wouldn't be there's two rooms. I reminded her that the boys damaged the bed last time and can't be trusted to sleep in the room alone so they'll need to be in with their parents. Dsis thinks I'm being unreasonable and will now have to pay for a hotel even though in a hotel they'd be sharing the room.

I'm sure Dsis will be on to our DM soon complaining about how selfish I'm being. So aibu to say they all have to share?

OP posts:

Notreallyarsed · 04/01/2018 16:50

Nope, and she can pay to have the drawer fixed/replaced too. Can’t be arsed with people who don’t take responsibility for themselves/their children causing damage. It’s your home, you decide who sleeps where. If she doesn’t like it, hotel it is.

Aridane · 04/01/2018 16:51

Oh dear - I don't know. Would probably have said they can have their own room on thie understanding she pays for any more damage!

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 04/01/2018 16:51

No yanbu. Your sister should take responsibility for her children's actions.
What kind of example is she setting? Not great

Narnia72 · 04/01/2018 16:53

How many times have they stayed before without incident? If I were you I would ask for the money to fix the bed and make it clear that - if they are to use 2 bedrooms they will need suitable supervision and, if anything else gets broken, they are responsible for fixing it. I would then say to the 2boys in their parents' hearing that you were sad that they didn't own up to the damage, and that if anything is broken in future, they need to own up straight away. Then big smile and get on with it. Unless there is a back story of constant damage I think the bed and relations could easily be mended x

saoirse31 · 04/01/2018 16:53

I'd be thinking you don't really like her much tbh. Having said that she should have offered to pay and not dismissed it.

Pluckedpencil · 04/01/2018 16:53

Yanbu. Can't believe she dismissed the damage like that. She should be offering to sort it out when she is 100% certain it is them, or at least abide by your offer to have the kids in with them.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 04/01/2018 16:53

I think YABU a bit U. It's annoying that it got broken and your DSis shouldn't have been so offhand about it, but forcing four people to share one room when you have two seems a bit petty to me.

Unless the kids/DSIS have form for this sort of behaviour I think you're overreacting.

Curtainshopping · 04/01/2018 16:54

I would expect her to reprimand her kids and she should have owned up to you when she saw it and offered to fix it.

Beyond that, meh. Kids break things. It's a drawer. Is it worth falling out with family over, if you otherwise have a good relationship?

biffyboom · 04/01/2018 16:54

Tell her she is welcome to stay, but if she wants a different room from her children, she will need to have the drawer fixed first.

Branleuse · 04/01/2018 16:54

depends on your relationship with your sister. I probably wouldnt do this to my sister, even though its obviously hers and her kids fault. I wouldnt want to have the sort of dynamic that id go all parental about it. If you dont want them to stay anymore then dont have them

Trb17 · 04/01/2018 16:54

No YANBU. it’s your house and since she didn’t take the initial damage seriously I’d say it’s your way or a hotel. You’re doing them a favour letting them stay. They are cheeky to put their demands on you.

peachgreen · 04/01/2018 16:55

Hmm. If I was your sister I would have offered to pay for a repair, but I think you're being a bit unreasonable. These things happen, they didn't break it out of malice. I'd be annoyed they hadn't said anything and I'd be having words with your sister, as well as reminding the boys to be careful and that if they damage anything accidentally they should tell you immediately, but I think it might be going a bit far to insist they all sleep in one room.

NoFucksImAQueen · 04/01/2018 16:57

I can understand why everyone's saying
you should ask her to pay for the bed/any future damage bit if she was a decent person she'd already have offered when it happened wouldn't she?

lookingforthecorkscrew · 04/01/2018 16:57

I’d give them the benefit of the doubt for one more visit, and if anything else gets damaged be much tougher about making her cough up.

Mummyontherun86 · 04/01/2018 16:57

I think you are both being unreasonable. Those divan draws break just looking at them but she probably should have offered to give you some money for them. Do you have any children yourself?

lalalalyra · 04/01/2018 16:58

Tell her that if they want to use two rooms then it's 1 adult and 1 child per room.

That said though, if they've stayed before and never been a problem I'd give them a chance to redeem themselves - assuming their parents are likely to have dealt with the issue properly.

Capelin · 04/01/2018 16:59

I think it would be fine to ask them to share if you had no space, but this way does feel a bit like a punishment- I can see why your sis is annoyed! Although- she should have offered to pay for the damage in the first place!

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 04/01/2018 17:00

As she is using your home to go to a tournament not to visit you then Travel Lodge rates must apply. With a sign up that any damages must be paid for.
Job done.

KC225 · 04/01/2018 17:03

I think you are being fair. They broke your furniture, no one let you know, you had to find out for yoursel and make an awkward call.

Those boys should be respecting other people's property.

She is being unreasonable, expecting accommodation for free. Is she can afford a hitek she can afford to pay for the damage. She is behaving like a spoilt brat. Does she have form for this?

FluffyWuffy100 · 04/01/2018 17:05

I can't believe she didn't say anything at the time!

WorkingBling · 04/01/2018 17:08

I think you are being ridiculous. It's a drawer. Not your best china. Yes, your sister should apologise and offer to fix it but honestly, this sounds like an over reaction from you. I assume you don't particularly like your sister?

EnglishRose13 · 04/01/2018 17:14

Can’t one parent sleep with one child in one room. Other parent and other child in the other room.

FizzyGreenWater · 04/01/2018 17:18

'Well it's only a drawer. It's not important.'

'Well it's only all sleeping in one room. It's not important.'

Can't have it both ways eh?

RavingRoo · 04/01/2018 17:22

I don’t allow my dn to sleep alone as they once did something very similar to the bed by jumping on it, only neice then hit her head hard on the window. Blood everywhere. Clearly these kids are v immature for their age.

Glumglowworm · 04/01/2018 17:22

It sounds like they’re staying because it’s convenient for them rather than to visit you? So if she doesn’t like your rules then she can feel free to pay for a hotel (which will also make them share a room)

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