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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make nephews sleep in same room as their parents?

81 replies

iwant2know · 04/01/2018 16:48

Over Christmas my dsis, her DH and two dnephews stayed with us for two nights. Dsis and DH in one room. 7 and 9 year old DNs in another room. Both rooms have double sized divan beds with storage drawers.

After they left I noticed that one of the drawers of the divan in the boys room was broken. The bottom of the drawer has been cracked and the side panel had been popped out of place. When the boys were in the room there was no need for them to be in any of the drawers.

I asked you Dsis if she had noticed a broken drawer. She said she had and she had pushed it back in place even though it wouldn't go in properly.

The drawer is now broken. It is stuck at an angle so you can't use it. It's obvious that something has happened to it so I asked Dsis if the boys were playing with it. She initially said no. However later on she texted me to say yes the boys were playing in the drawer and may have damaged it.

I texted back I wish that they had said something rather than pushing the drawer back in because we probably could have fixed it before she did that.

Dsis texted back well it's only a drawer. It's not that important. I responded saying fair enough it just means the boys will be sleeping in with you if you stay over again.

Fast forward to today Dsis has call to ask if they can all stay over next Saturday because they're going to a tournament in our town. I said well as long as you're ok with sleeping in with the boys then that's fine. She said she wouldn't be there's two rooms. I reminded her that the boys damaged the bed last time and can't be trusted to sleep in the room alone so they'll need to be in with their parents. Dsis thinks I'm being unreasonable and will now have to pay for a hotel even though in a hotel they'd be sharing the room.

I'm sure Dsis will be on to our DM soon complaining about how selfish I'm being. So aibu to say they all have to share?

OP posts:

RhiannonOHara · 04/01/2018 17:26

YANBU. Why won't she take responsibility for her children?

KayaG · 04/01/2018 17:26

YANBU. Bloody cheek.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/01/2018 17:28

I think you're massively over reacting.

Yes your Dsis should've sorted the drawer situation better but really? You're going to make a mountain out of a molehill and properly fall out with her over kids damaging stuff?

I assume you don't get on from this...

froginapond · 04/01/2018 17:28

I wouldn't even let them stay at all. You're much more tolerant than me.

Mrsmadevans · 04/01/2018 17:28

Don't put up with it OP, your ds is being funny , the money she would spend on the hotel could be spent on the broken bed , no excuses . Your DNS had no business breaking the bed and you are right to stick up for yourself.

froginapond · 04/01/2018 17:29

I think @BitOutOfPractice may be the OP's sister. PMSL!

BitOutOfPractice · 04/01/2018 17:29

As she is using your home to go to a tournament not to visit you then Travel Lodge rates must apply. With a sign up that any damages must be paid for.
Job done.

Is this how people would actually act in real life? Or behind-screen bravado? Because that is just ridiculous

RavenWings · 04/01/2018 17:30

Yanbu. It would be different if she'd apologised and offered to pay for it to be fixed.

If her kids can't be trusted to not break you things, their parents need to be responsible for them and they don't get the independence of their own rooms.

Pearlsaringer · 04/01/2018 17:30

Ridiculous. Of course they can share. They wouldn’t book two rooms in a hotel. If they were camping they would all be in one space. The DNs have shown they need supervision so it’s up to DB and SIL to provide it. YANBU.

Hygge · 04/01/2018 17:30

They were probably standing in the drawer, or climbing in it to see if they would fit with it closed. My brother would have probably shoved me in one of those drawers and closed it when we were kids.

It sounds like the do need to be supervised more closely, so I don't think you're being unreasonable to want her to do that.

She should have told you about the damage and offered to pay to have it fixed.

It sounds like she's using you for accommodation rather than visiting you, and unless you get to do the same thing at her house and use it as a base for doing other things, I'd just let her pay for a hotel this time.

The money she's saving on hotels by staying with you could have paid for the bed to be fixed.

Mrsmadevans · 04/01/2018 17:31

It is also sly and deceitful of your dns not to confess to you or their parents about the damage to the bed. It seems as if they don't give a damn about your house and things in it . Most kids would be very upset and sorry about it .

Pearlsaringer · 04/01/2018 17:31

And I would give them the room with the broken drawer...

Cindie943811A · 04/01/2018 17:32

I’d been concerned that dsis dishonestly attempted to conceal the damage Don’t know that I’d want her back stay. Also she is using you as a convenience this time, has invited herself to save money and has not offered to pay for the damage.
You have agreed to accommodate them but with conditions. URNU

BitOutOfPractice · 04/01/2018 17:32

I'm not I can assure you. One of the many reasons I know I'm not is because my sister would never be so OTT!

Pearlsaringer · 04/01/2018 17:33

My mistake, DSis and DH. Same advice.

Handsfull13 · 04/01/2018 17:34

It's the lying and trying to cover it up that I'd have a problem with. And then you dsis playing it down like it's nothing. Doesn't matter whether it's a drawer or a priceless heirloom she should care that her child broken something they should have touched and she should be apologising. I would have let them stay with either them all in one room as you said or with a parent in each room with one child each.

SkyIsTooHigh · 04/01/2018 17:35

FizzyGreenWater has it.

She's being rude not respecting your things - in your position I'd be annoyed at that rather than the drawer. Accidents happen.

That said, if the boys were mucking about it was probably during the day or between children's bedtime and adults'. It's a bit ridiculous to expect adults to sit in the boys' room from what, 8pm?, just to police them. At that age, with boundaries well defined I'd be inclined to trust them. I think you are making up a reason to punish your sister.

Haffiana · 04/01/2018 17:35

Depends if you want to act like a complete tit to your sister, or discuss a way forward like an adult.

Iloveacurry · 04/01/2018 17:35

You’re not being unreasonable. Your DNs broke the drawer, your sister tried to repair it and failed. She should of mentioned it at the time and offered to pay for the repair or replacement. She needs to take responsibility for her kids.

BenLui · 04/01/2018 17:35

If my children damaged something at my sister’s house I’d be mortified and offer to pay. There would be apologies from myself and the children.

She can “tell on you” all she likes to your Mum, it isn’t your Mum’s house and she isn’t in charge.

sarahjconnor · 04/01/2018 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmysTiara · 04/01/2018 17:38

If i was your sister I'd be apologising for the broken drawer not kicking off.

oldmum22 · 04/01/2018 17:38

No question about this , you are right.
Kids damaged the bed, didn't fess up, dsis dismissed it , so tough,they can stay at a hotel.
An apology, a bunch of flowers and an agreement to get the bed fixed and to pay for it , would be the only way round. I would have been mortified if my kids had damaged something and not told me .

Loner1993 · 04/01/2018 17:40

She should have apologised immeadiatey and offered to pay. But if they have been fine before then I would say you’re over reacting slightly. But it’s your house so you should feel free to make judegements as you please :)

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/01/2018 17:43

It sounds as if her kids have learnt your sister’s disregard for other people’s property. I don’t think you were unreasonable at all. Do you ever stay with them for convenience as opposed to visit?

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