To make nephews sleep in same room as their parents?

[iwant2know]

Over Christmas my dsis, her DH and two dnephews stayed with us for two nights. Dsis and DH in one room. 7 and 9 year old DNs in another room. Both rooms have double sized divan beds with storage drawers.

After they left I noticed that one of the drawers of the divan in the boys room was broken. The bottom of the drawer has been cracked and the side panel had been popped out of place. When the boys were in the room there was no need for them to be in any of the drawers.

I asked you Dsis if she had noticed a broken drawer. She said she had and she had pushed it back in place even though it wouldn't go in properly.

The drawer is now broken. It is stuck at an angle so you can't use it. It's obvious that something has happened to it so I asked Dsis if the boys were playing with it. She initially said no. However later on she texted me to say yes the boys were playing in the drawer and may have damaged it.

I texted back I wish that they had said something rather than pushing the drawer back in because we probably could have fixed it before she did that.

Dsis texted back well it's only a drawer. It's not that important. I responded saying fair enough it just means the boys will be sleeping in with you if you stay over again.

Fast forward to today Dsis has call to ask if they can all stay over next Saturday because they're going to a tournament in our town. I said well as long as you're ok with sleeping in with the boys then that's fine. She said she wouldn't be there's two rooms. I reminded her that the boys damaged the bed last time and can't be trusted to sleep in the room alone so they'll need to be in with their parents. Dsis thinks I'm being unreasonable and will now have to pay for a hotel even though in a hotel they'd be sharing the room.

I'm sure Dsis will be on to our DM soon complaining about how selfish I'm being. So aibu to say they all have to share?

OP, do you have any DC?

Her kids broke a drawer and you suspect she deliberately lied about it and then downplayed it, and you hint this was her pattern of behaviour as a child (I assume a younger sister?).
If my sister behaved like this, I would be saying the same as you. She needs to either take responsibility for broken things and give her kids the freedom to play, or be much more on top of what they are up to in someone else's house. I think I would be telling her that you thought it was a bit off to know her kids broke something but to feel no remorse that she should pay for those damages, even if she just asked and you declined. And the dismissal of the whole thing means you are reluctant to give the dns free reign of the house because the next time it might be a computer or something else valuable and her attitude is just to dismiss it.

I think kids who would mess about by putting each other in drawers and kicking their way out aren't sensible enough to sleep on their own in someone else's house. And it seems they may have got their disrespect for other people's property from their mum. I'm not sure why you want any of them to stay really.

If it had been an accident or they had been messing about in a way that they didn't think would cause damage then I think your reaction would have been overkill. But given what the kids did, I agree they probably shouldn't be unsupervised.

I'm not sure you should have them at all though really, you don't sound that keen on your sister and she sounds like she's just using you for free accommodation when she needs it. Do you get anything out of your relationship with her? Is there any chance of building something that's worth keeping?

I have 2 DSSs, teenagers.

@Seriouslyjuicy it's not about the drawer. It's about her pretending she didn't know it was broken, that they broke it and then saying it wasn't important as it was only mine.

@KateAdiesEarrings what I mean is breaking things by doing something they know is wrong. Like with the drawer. Knocking something over is an accident. Kicking something until it broke is a purposeful act. Surely by 7/9 they should know better.i just wonder if they would do that in their own home.

I think I need to have a separate talk with her, about the way she behaved when we were younger with my stuff and how she seems to still behave. Her lack of respect for me and my belongings.

BoomBoom
Totally agree.

Sounds like you are getting to the heart of the issue which is a sense from you that your property (and by extension, you) don’t matter to Your Dsis. That’s worth talking about and makes your reaction make much more sense (which seemed OTT to me as an outsider whose doesn’t have that history with my siblings).

Hope you’re able to work it out.