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AIBU?

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Original poster

to ask you to PLEASE teach your children about autism

408 replies

CrochetBelle · 02/01/2018 10:34

Apparently 'autistic' is now being used as an insult by teenagers - who really should know better.

Do your children know what autism is? Autism is not 'sitting in a corner rocking'. Autism is not 'Sheldon Cooper'. Autism is a whole spectrum and affects people to varying degrees. It does affect people though. There is no such thing as mild autism.

Schools are continuously waving the 'autism accredited' flag these days, with mandatory training on ASD. Don't get me wrong, that's great progress, but when you ask them what they are teaching the children? Nothing.

There is a whole host of accurate, reliable information out there about autism, and what it means. Please make sure your children are aware. Ignorance is no excuse.

OP posts:
GingerIvy · 02/01/2018 13:38

But it's not just outside school that it is needed. It IS needed in school. Lots of bullying problems are because of children/teenagers tormenting children with disabilities/SEN. So clearly they are NOT learning appropriate language/behaviour at home.That means it needs to be learned in school. It can easily be incorporated into the curriculum throughout various lessons in an ongoing manner. The younger they start, the better.

To sit back and say "be realistic, it's still going to happen" and "don't take time away from their lessons" is, in my experience, only said by those who are not the target of the offensive language.

You're either part of the solution or part of the problem. Very simple.

Notreallyarsed · 02/01/2018 13:39

I’d be open to challenging disablism classes in school, explaining the damage it causes and the pain that it causes might be a real eye opener for these kids who think it’s just the insult du jour.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 02/01/2018 13:40

As far as sessions to educate children about autism issues, not sure it's always needed. My son goes to a primary which is very well known for it's mainstream provision for children with SEN. They have children in every class with SENs and don't have any special provision but have it at the heart of everyday school life. I find it really hard to imagine a child there using that sort of language. DS has repeated things to me that they've learned about everybody being different and having different needs and challenges.

Maybe though in schools where there are less children with SEN or they are not quite so expert on it special sessions would be needed though.

GingerIvy · 02/01/2018 13:41

I just don't think it's best use of our kids time in school.

Hmm... you know, it would have been a great use of the time in my son's former school, where he was bullied relentlessly.

I guess it all depends on your viewpoint. Again, if your child was affected, I'd be willing to bet you'd think differently.

Hatsoffdear · 02/01/2018 13:41

I think it is needed in school too because I have known teachers ignoring kids calling each other such names when they wouldn’t pass over racist language.

stitchglitched · 02/01/2018 13:41

Well my child doesn't go to school and none of the parents whose children were nasty seemed that bothered about teaching them differently. Addressing it within school would have at least been a start.

My children are white and have never experienced racism. I can't imagine though, if some parents whose children had experienced it and wanted it addressed in school, arguing the toss with them about it being a waste of time. How fucking arrogant do you have to be to respond like that.

Notreallyarsed · 02/01/2018 13:42

have it at the heart of everyday school life

This would be ideal, absolutely ideal.

GingerIvy · 02/01/2018 13:43

stitch Mine don't anymore. They are home educated now.

Hatsoffdear · 02/01/2018 13:44

Elton

The problem is amongst the younger teens. 13 to 16 age.

Skadespelerskorna · 02/01/2018 13:45

I feel really guilty now. Maybe it's just something I do in that I always try to minimise my own problems? Like with the depression, I would always think I didn't have it that bad, other people have it worse, I'm relatively good etc. So I guess it's just me and how I always feel about my own issues that's making me think that way. Confused

EvilDoctorHogmanayDuck · 02/01/2018 13:46

Bekabeech I've just read that out to DD and it really resonated with her.

Notreallyarsed · 02/01/2018 13:46

@Skadespelerskorna please don’t feel guilty, personally I feel there’s an enormous difference between someone asking questions and wanting to learn (like you) and someone being offensive or dismissing/minimising which I don’t feel you did or intended to do.

stitchglitched · 02/01/2018 13:50

Sorry GingerIvy my post about my son not going to school was meant in response to Tabby saying that it wasn't the best use of 'our kids time in school', but the thread had moved on. I hope the home education is going well, I struggle with it sometimes but at least DS is learning now!

CloudPerson · 02/01/2018 13:54

I just don't think it's best use of our kids time in school.

This is exactly the kind of attitude that is the problem. It's up there with parents who are vocal about children with SN not needing support or extra time, and that their NT dc should have equal extra time or it's unfair.
It's insidious and screams out "I don't care, it doesn't affect me".

GingerIvy · 02/01/2018 13:54

stitch Yes, it's going well. Ups and downs like anything,really, but definitely progressing better with home ed.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 02/01/2018 13:57

I'm guessing though hats is that if they're aware of the issue when they're little chances are by the time they get to that age they won't be susceptible to it.

As I said earlier, I do think that there is also a matter of kids being overtargeted for issue driven teaching. Take for example that trans story time thing where they're sending drag queens into reception classes to educate tiny ones on trans issues. And I think this can be counter productive by giving children 'issue fatigue' where they are bombarded with messages about what they can and can't say so the message just gets lost and instead they push against it.

I do think though that there are some big ones which need hammering home like racism and disablism (though perhaps as a whole rather than on specific conditions). And I do think these things should be at the heart of every day life in school ideally rather than just reduced to a session.

Perhaps better training of teachers around these issues is what's needed rather than targeting kids? Making them treat it as harshly as racism is treated and absolutely not tolerated?

Titsywoo · 02/01/2018 13:58

"When I said 'mild' I meant that it still affects them, just that the individual experiencing it may feel it's not impacting their life horrendously, not that they were for all intents and purposes NT. I also said I don't think it's fair for people to label other people autism in this way, I just felt there may be some people with autism who would feel this way."

My DS is like this. It doesn't really affect him much currently. It did when he was younger (socially) and I think it will once he starts secondary but generally his life is very much like a NT one. He doesn't have anxiety, he isn't far behind in school (we are lucky he is at such a good school), his classmates accept him how he is and he has some friends (also with SN), at home we have all lived with him for 11 years so are used to his ways and none of it seems unusual to us so I guess we adapt a bit to suit him without it being a big deal. However I think we might be in a minority and as I say I think things will change. DS has aspergers really but that disappeared as a diagnosis and I think it shouldn't have as in my experience it is quite different. But I'm not an expert in autism, just my own child so in many ways I'm as ignorant as many other people. I think autism is quite hard to understand as it's so diverse.

greenlanes · 02/01/2018 13:59

Last year I called out people on my local Facebook group for using disabilist language and insults. It didnt relate to ASD but was a fairly common disability. I was quite shocked that well educated people who had children (a mums group) could be so blinkered in the 21st century. Lots of justification for writing it as well - no recognition of it being wrong. So no wonder the children dont realise. I was also upset as my DC were clearly being judged and found wanting. Luckily I dont have to read that rubbish anymore - I was thrown off the group!!

GingerIvy · 02/01/2018 13:59

Cloud Exactly. The same mentality that caused parents to complain that my child had a full time 1:1 TA with him (which was fully funded in order to access the curriculum and cope with mainstream) but my son's 1:1 TA wasn't going around helping the other children. The "must be nice" comments, the "special treatment" comments.I think it's pretty obvious where at least some of these children learn their attitudes. Their parents.

Titsywoo · 02/01/2018 14:00

Actually when my DS attended the autism workshop at his school he came out quite cross as the way they described it wasn't how he felt at all. He doesn't feel overwhelmed in loud places etc. It must be hard to describe it to cover all people.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 02/01/2018 14:00

I think the danger of a session is that kids have one half hour session and then it's treated as something that can be forgotten about and put in a box when it's actually something we should be mindful of every day.

TheHolidayArmadillo · 02/01/2018 14:05

@EvilDoctorHogmanayDuck I'd refer to myself as having high functioning autism. I would say though that I don't cope perfectly well in society, I just have lots of years of giving that impression.

youarenotkiddingme · 02/01/2018 14:08

What a load of bollocks about not being able to control teenagers speak Shock

It's simple - you may hear them using terms as a a group. You tell them categorically it's hate speech and it's connotations and if you hear it again then that person (in case of friends) will no longer be welcome in your house and with your own teens that they will lose phone or WiFi access.

You may not change things straight away but you can certainly be part of the process of change.

If i heard anyone using any type of ism in my house they would be told it's a hate speech and they won't be welcome if they use it again.

But then I don't want friends or have friends who allow their kids to use this type of language. I certainly won't be encouraging my ds to be friends with people like this either. It's about time people who behave this way are socially ostracised so it becomes something that's not done by popular people and dressed up as banter.

Eolian · 02/01/2018 14:24

Children use insults like that precisely because it is offensive. So saying "When insulting other kids, don't use offensive words" is unlikely to have much effect tbh. I'm pretty sure my dc would not use a racist or disablist word to insult someone, but that's not because I've specifically told them not to. It's because they aren't badly brought-up arseholes.

The kind of kids I've taught who would use racist and disablist language are the kind of kids who would laugh and turn on you if you pointed out how offensive it is. And they probably heard it from their parents in the first place. Being aware of autism and its various forms doesn't necessarily make someone into a kind and considerate person, sadly.

Original poster
CrochetBelle · 02/01/2018 14:26

I think the danger of a session is that kids have one half hour session and then it's treated as something that can be forgotten about and put in a box when it's actually something we should be mindful of every day.

Sadly, my experience suggests this is applicable also to the mandatory ASD training of (some) school staff.

OP posts: