Has your DP ever called you fat?

[iloveMiWadi]

In a heated arguement today DP called me a fat ugly cow.. I am fat(size 16) and he knows this would hurt my feelings. He apologised a lot afterwards and said it was because I hurt his feelings. I didn't mention appearance though he's never called me fat before and it feels horrible to have him say that.

@CranjisMcBasketball Oh, yes - I left him in no doubt at all about that one!

It was particularly annoying as he's naturally underweight (BMI of 15 all his life), and while he certainly doesn't overeat, a lot of what he eats is complete rubbish - crisps, biscuits and chocolate - and I'm the sort of person who gains 1lb for every crisp that passes my lips.

My father used to call my Mum fat. She put on lots of weight after three children, lack of money and just being hurried and stressed, she wasn't watching what she was eating so yeah, she put on lots of weight. He had always been slim but that was down to genes and the fact that he had lots of free time on his hands as he did his best to avoid his role as a father and husband.
She never forgot about it and they've been divorced for over 16 years (too late and too short IMHO).
I am slim and DH put on some weight lately as he loves snacking and with Christmas and all the goodies around he wouldn't stop eating but I would never call him fat or chubby. That's totally disrespectful.

Please chuck this prick out. You may not realise it now but you can and will do better than his abusive arse if you chuck him, heal and set boundaries that no one crosses.

Save him paying your relative- chuck him out.

Granted he shouldn't make remarks and in an ideal world we would find our partner irresistibly attractive whatever they looked like. But this isn't an ideal world. My partner puts great effort into his appearance, so I try hard to make sure I don't go too big. I'm making my way down to an 8 and sticking with that!

Fucking hell, woman!!!! You are not his slave and not his elbow decoration. You are equal partners and you have the right to be whatever size you want to be. If you want to be slim, just be it but only for yourself!!! not for your partner! I seriously don't get your post.

eeeek. Honestly? Have a rethink about this relationship. This man is resentful (he has to pay his way and you don’t because you are both living in your family members home), tight fisted (doesn’t want to pay his own way in life and resorts to nasty, immature namecalling in arguments. He’ll do it again. Repeatedly, because he knows it hurts your feelings.

I am very fat and my oh has never called me any thing negative. But we've never said anything mean in an argument to each other ethier.

I think k if he was genuinely sorry I would give him one last chance.

But if you live together it doesn't seem fair that he has to pay all the rent. Why don't you split what your family charge him?

Wow, so he's a scrounger.

He’s paying rent. She’s not......

My ex told me i was fat and ugly.

Told him to look in the mirror and when he sees Brad Pitt staring back, come have a few words with me then!

Fat, Ugly or Cow would all insult me and I think the issue is he was deliberately trying to insult and hurt you. Some people with ADHD cannot discuss issues calmly, becoming emotional and impulsive. However blaming anything or everything on ADHD is just making excuses and resorting to insults is pathetic behaviour.

How much do you know about ADHD in adults or your partner? Have a look at the bigger picture, abuse creeps into a relationship and what shocks you at first can soon become the norm.

Stbxh called me fat a lot. Then it turned into disgusting, repulsive, slut, bitch.

None of the people in my life since I left have called me that.

If DH called me a fat, ugly cow he would be history.

No and I am fat. I'm four stone overweight. In fact he's very supportive of my insecurities about my weight gain.
Stop down playing how much he's hurt your feelings. ADHD isn't an excuse to behave badly. I think you can do much better. Also wanting to live rent free? Out of order.

There is a difference between someone calling you a cow/whatever and saying that you are behaving like a cow. One is calling your behaviour albeit rather unpleasantly and the others just plain disrespectful which is LTB territory.

How do you behave like a cow?

My ex did, often, hence why he's an ex. My dh would NEVER say something like to me.

Wow, I can't believe the vile crap some people put up with! My DH will never hear that I am anything but gorgeous. If I complain that I look knackered / have put on a bit of weight / we've gone somewhere and I have forgotten to bring my make-up and I have a spot or whatever, he will tell me I look beautiful as I am. Surely that is just what somebody who loves you does?

No, DH has never called me fat. If I asked if I had gained weight, I'd get a straight answer, and if I make a comment about my weight DH generally won't refute to comment but rather paint it in a positive light (so if I say I have huge thighs DH would say they were pleasantly wobbly), but they would never make a nasty comment about my weight. DH wouldn't ever say a personal insult towards me in any capacity, we love each other and that is not nice.

No that's awful, you poor thing

Ex P

Yeah, that's one of the many reasons he's an ex.

My first proper relationship so I feel a lot more attached and as if I 'cant' leave him cause I love him so much , or maybe think I do.. or love the routine
Or you're in love with the idea of being in love with him? Or you're falling for the sunk costs fallacy?

TBH, if any BF called me a "fat ugly cow" I'd never see them in the same light again, and if I had my head screwed on I'd dump them. I've had loads of BFs and only 1 ever called me a name (he admitted it was to hurt me), so it's far from normal, and it shouldn't be tolerated. Part of the relationship would've died because either that's what they really think (in which case I wouldn't want to be with someone who felt that way about me) or they said it because they knew it would hurt me (bastard).

Never, ever. So sorry OP how upsetting for you

DH once joked about how if he sold me, lb for lb, he would get more for his money these days.

The same could be said about him though.

Never, ever viciously.

So sorry OP. Have an un mumsnetty hug.

Ps: size 16? That's not fat! X

That's horrible. My partner wouldn't speak to me like that and vice versa.

I'm sorry OP, it's very hard when it's your first love, but someone who loves you doesn't speak to you like that. If a friend said her boyfriend had said the same, I bet you'd tell her to get rid.

He sounds awful, and he will probably get worse. Dump him, it's better to be on your own and happy than miserable in a relationship.

Nanna50, I presume wandering around a field eating grass...
An unkind thing to say to the op.