To ask how you manage your mental load?

[swimmingdory]

Work, the things you need to do, want to do, that the kids have on at school, the shopping lists, your diary dates, etc etc.

How do you manage it all? It’s one of the biggest things that exhaust me. Thinking all the time. I need to find a way to get it out of my head so I can focus more / sleep better.

So how do you manage it? A paper system? Combination of apps?

A very large day by day calendar is what son and dil have as they are amazingly busy!

As for mental load am unsure!!!

My head is filled with all of the stuff I have to remember because that’s how my brain works. I rely on my good memory.

A sign of stress however is that it becomes a load and I feel I need to write it down or record it somehow. The act of writing it down is therapeutic and helps me get some control.

Sometimes however the feeling of writing it down is a bit scary so I put it off. That’s a sign that I’m doing too much.

The mental load, for those of you who are being dismissive, represents the fact that most mothers in families end up shouldering the burden for almost everything.

So OP, what I do is a notebook and make lists. I don’t always refer to the list but the act of writing the list helps me feel more in control of my life.

I also have a year wall planner which I use for key dates and events.

As soon as term dates come out input them in my work calendar. I used different colours for kids / personal etc so I can see them quickly.

I'm setting up a spreadsheet for DH as well so we can figure out whose taking leave to cover them.

Wall calendar in kitchen.
Online food shop
Take photos of important stuff eg letters from school

Sorry to keep bleating on about the bullet journal, but... I notice that most people who use an app seem to use at least one or two other things too - calendar, diary etc. That's partly why I abandoned apps. The bullet journal is all those things in one place.

Someone asked if it was therapeutic. Yes, very (for me at least). Partly because of it creating headspace, but there's also something quite therapeutic about the physical act of writing, about bothering to make it look nice (or neat and tidy at least) and creating your own system and a physical thing that you designed, even if you don't prettify it.

As for it feeling like homework... I really genuinely look forward to sitting down to spend some time on my journal. When people see a page I've actually had time to prettify a bit, they say "But doesn't that take ages?!" And I think "Well yes, but so does playing on your phone for ages or watching Game of Thrones. But this is both enjoyable and useful." And I only embellish when I have time to spare. It's 'me time' and feels like a treat.

I'm not usually evangelical about things, but I am about this (only when people ask though!).

speakout I know what you are saying. I used to think it would take more time to write all the stuff out in an online diary/sync it with other diaries and so on. I never got on with online/computer diary systems that we have at work and I wouldn't want to look at them when I was at home.

But I often felt overwhelmed, and was starting to miss important info through forgetting things like paying a school trip or remembering they needed packed lunch on a Thurs or whatever. I also near missed or missed three work appointments, where it just clean went out of my head.

I have found writing down, in a plain notebook, a list of things to do on any given day, really helpful. I also have a list of 'things that must be done sometime in the future' for work. It just means I don't need to rehearse or think my actions through again in the meantime- I can crack on and get the list done, or leave tasks knowing they have been noted.

I think the thing is- does it work for you? If you feel well organized, never miss appointments/dates and generally feel unstressed, then why would you change that? I was struggling, and it sounds daft, but someone telling me to get a notebook and write everything in in and showing me what they did really helped me in a way that going on courses in time-management had not!

I guess the OP is struggling with the mental load or she wouldn't have asked. When you write it down, you can also see if the mental load is ridiculous and/or unfair in your household, and make steps to change it as believe says.

I use Cozi app on my phone and OH phone. Used to have a wall calendar and diary but remembering to update everything got tricky and it didn't work for things that were a maybe but not confirmed.

So with Cozi, I've put all my possible work trips for the next 3 months. This means OH can see when he can organise days away.

There's to do lists, I set one up for DD Christmas presents so we could both add to it as we thought of things she'd like and could tick them off when they were bought. I've got holiday packing lists in there too - used to have on a bit of paper!

You can add a date to a to do item and then it will add it to the diary for that day e.g. if you know tickets for an event are going on sale. Or add notes to an event e.g. someone's birthday ànd you make a note of what to buy them, set a reminder a week before so it pops up in time for you to buy a present and card.

I've ònly been using it for 6 months and it's made such a difference. I feel more organised than i have done in years.

We have a calendar which syncs onto all our electronic devices. As soon as something comes e.g- party invitation or school event, it goes into the diary. DH and I review the calendar on a weekly basis together.

We also use the 'notes' a lot for shopping lists, to do lists etc. Once one of us has resolved the item we delete it.

@Eolian do you keep your appointments and stuff digital too or do you simply carry the journal everywhere with you?

The mental load is most definitely on me in my house, partly because I'm a control freak but also because I'm better at it, at home more etc etc. I tried introducing a white board to the kitchen so that DH knew what was going on but it ended up being just another thing to update.

That's my only concern with a bullet journal, will it become just another thing I need to do or will it genuinely change things. I totally love the concept, and the idea of keeping everything in one space that I define works for me. I'm just fearful that it's not digital I guess.

Firgot to say, Cozi emails a weekly summary on Sunday morning gor tge week ahead. So at that point, i can check with OH for any changes to normal routine e.g. reminding him he's doing school pick up on a particular day.

I am a control freak. I get anxiety attacks from time to time due to the mental load (having fibromyalgia that kicks in during stressful times and a job that can be stressful doesn't help either).
I am very bad at managing my mental load as I am constantly making plans and checking what needs to be done.

I use the calendar in my phone for absolutely everything. It syncs with my work calendar so that I have evrything on it. I put appointments/birthdays etc on there as well.

I check it at least once a day.

It seems to work ok for me and I make all appointments etc that I have booked in.

I meal plan for a full week and ensure the shopping is there at the weekend for it.

Other things such as daily sorting if clothes/packed lunches is done before I go to bed so that I'm not thinking 'oh I must remember xyz in the morning'.

The only way I get through is by being ruthlessly organised. Otherwise nothing would get done!

I second everything @Eolian has just said about bullet journaling.

(Though I am not ready to abandon my apps yet)

swimmingdory - I don't use a digital calendar at all (I used to before bullet journal, but never really used it very effectively tbh). I take my journal with me if I'm going to work or am going to be spending some time somwhere where I'll be able to sit and update it. I don't carry it around in my bag at all times, although I could if I needed to.

One of the reasons it's so useful for me personally is for work. I'm a teacher but not full time. Every week I do ad hoc supply work, plus induvidual classes at different institutions. I keep on top of my schedule, my timesheet hours and my lesson planning in my journal.

As well as the calendar pages, my monthly overviews and my weekly diary, I also have lots of pages devoted to other things - wishlist, presents I've bought other people, new walking routes, recipe ideas, books I want to read etc.

It sounds time-consuming, but it's not really. You just have an idea for a new list/page, write the heading and then only add to the page whenever something new comes up. All that stuff is normally just whizzing round in your head ("Must buy that present! Hang on, what did I buy them last year? Ooh that book looks good, must get it out of the library . What are we having for dinner tomorrow? Must fill in that form for school. Oh, is swimming club on tomorrow?" etc etc. My head just isn't like that any more. It's very liberating!