To ask how you manage your mental load?

[swimmingdory]

Work, the things you need to do, want to do, that the kids have on at school, the shopping lists, your diary dates, etc etc.

How do you manage it all? It’s one of the biggest things that exhaust me. Thinking all the time. I need to find a way to get it out of my head so I can focus more / sleep better.

So how do you manage it? A paper system? Combination of apps?

Reading your update sounds just like you need a task list alongside your calendar app.
You can try the notes app on your phone to start with.
But tbh for something like buying a present/card, I put that in my diary in a time slot when I can fit it in.

@JohnLapsleyParlabane how do you use the trello boards? Looked at those previously for work but not sure how they'd adapt

Lots of pen and paper stuff going on, I think the idea of 30 mins at end of day / week sounds sensible.

swimming, I get the fear of the analogue! But I really do recommend the bullet journal thing.

I started it as something not screen based to do in the evening to unwind. I don't actually have any real hobbies, or time to do them. But it's evolved into a really helpful system. I can empty my mind before I go to bed.

It's definitely worth a try.

That's it @DomesticAnarchist ... empty my mind! That's what I need to do lol. I'll look up the bullet journal thing again. Thanks

Diary/ post it notes
I love the idea if emailing myself - can't believe I never thought of that.
I meal plan 2 weeks in advance because I just hate 'THINKING what we need to eat and who is going to be there to eat let alone whether everyone's eaten enough vegetables this week.

We have just sat down as a family and dc's (16 14 11) are cooking a meal each each week.......baked beans all round then

'Google Keep' checklists and my phone calendar (and a hefty amount of reminders set for days and hours before whatever it is.

Lists, Filofax desk planner and chalk board updated each week!

The occasional meltdown and moan but still doing most of it😳

I'm still refining my technique. Currently I use Google calendar and invite relevant family members when I set up appointments. I am the gate keeper on this, but I like the idea of having master calendar instead.

I have a Filofax that I use for personal stuff eg college deadlines.

I use a colour coded spreadsheet for Christmas and birthdays.

We have a calendar on the wall in the kitchen that the DC write important dates in but this needs to be transferred to my Google calendar if I actually want to remember anything.

I want a gigantic whiteboard for the kitchen wall but I'm not convinced it will help with organisation - more likely will turn into a doodle board.

Biggest thing that helps is to delegate (DC asks me to remember something and I'll say "nope, I need you to remember that" - obviously this needs to be age appropriate) and to minimise what I take on board, so I don't do Christmas cards for example. If the DC want to send them out, great! Dh doesn't care, I don't care either.

Needing a note that you need to draft ideas for your kids party just sounds mad.

If you procrastinated less and just got on and did things.

Instead of making a note to draft ideas for a party, just draft the ideas for the party

Instead of noting that you have to sort a gift and card, get on amazon and order the bloody thing.

Seems like you are making life way more complicated than you need to by making notes of things to do in the future, when you could just get on and do them.

Wall calendar for DDs activities, school stuff and appointments.

Outlook calendar for work stuff which can be accessed from my phone too.

Google Docs to track PTA stuff to do

I meal plan every Thursday for the next week and do the online shop at the same time

Adhoc stuff goes on my Notes app in my phone.

I am very organised anyway and usually have to pick up my mums and sisters admin too because my mum is starting to get dementia and my sister leads a chaotic slightly dysfunctional life.

@swimmingdory - I give everything a timed reminder. To a schedule which I create , if it doesn't have an actual scheduled time, if you see what I mean.

I'm not a technophobe/luddite at all and tried umpteen apps before settling on the bullet journal.

There is something more mind-emptying somehow about physically putting stuff down on paper. Plus it feels less ephemeral. I like having everything all laid out in black and white in front of me, indexed and in separate sections, laid out how I want it.

Old fashioned to do list in my notebook, updated every day. If I'm really overwhelmed, I put the day i intend to do each task. DreAding opening it tomorrow, in.c as ed I put loads I. It before I finished for Xmas. I was.hoping it just had planning on it, but vaguely remember bringing marking home too.

@Trashboat that's not quite what I meant.

I am constantly thinking of ideas for their birthdays as I don't currently write them somewhere since they don't fit into my current reminders / calendar system

The gifts was also an example. Birthdays are all in my calendar but this doesn't automatically remind me that I need to sort a gift, so sometimes I end up running round at the last minute trying to sort something that if I'd have remembered a few days before I would have ordered on amazon.

I think the sitting down and looking to the week ahead makes sense, and I will try to incorporate that into my life atm.

I use a shared Google calendar that everyone has access to, and I use an app called Evernote.

In Evernote I have a stack of notebooks for different things, including one for lists which has a rolling 'to do' list in it. My Evernote account is shared with my DP and the kids, so they can all see what is on there. That way, if DP is out at the shops at lunchtime for example, and hasn't been able to phone to ask if I need anything, he can just look on the list and see if there is anything I need him to get. Then, once it's done, he updates the list with a tick so I know it's been done.

I use Evernote for storing receipts that I've photographed, my recipe book so I can access it at the supermarket if I need to, my menu planning, address book, a list of clothes and shoe sizes for everyone, a rolling shopping list, details of DIY projects such as paint colours, scans of important documents etc, which I can access from my computer, phone and iPad.

Alexa - set reminders for each day so I don’t have to tell DS to get dressed, brush teeth etc. She’s so polite as well and he never argues with her. I speak to her to add things to lists and Morrison’s shopping app.

Laminates- I fucking love laminating! I have an A 4 sheet with each day of the week, and what DS has to take to school. Reading book, spellings, PE kit and so on. I write any extras on like permission slips, money for raffle tickets etc. Then leave it on the doormat when I go to bed. I’ve hole pilinched them and used a key ring to hold them all together, think I would loose my shit if I lost a day!!

This leaves room for general work shit to roll round my brain, I’ll email myself anything important.

If you use a paper diary you can see the birthdays written a week ahead........you can make to do lists in the back, make notes in it or on your phone.

It does sound like you are taking on a lot and making it hard for yourself.

I find it quite easy/not too bad.
I put everything in my i phone calendar and also in the paper calendar in the dining room.
As soon as school issues notifications of mufti days etc, or an updated school calendar, I scan through it and make sure I've got everything.

I am a woman, and I have access to the internet and pen and paper. Were I a man, these things would be redundant, as would any concept of "mental load".

I am brutal about what I will do

I take a hard look at everything and only do the things I deem necessary. My mother is horrified that last month I didn't drop everything and rush out to buy all sorts of shite for the school play. We got a letter on Friday with a list of stuff REQUIRED for Monday. I refused to play, and Emailed the school on the Monday to say it was their problem not mine, please don't take the piss.

I find it works quite well, but you have to ignore that unspoken social pressure that it is somehow your job. Fortunately I am good at that. I don't do Christmas cards, or gifts outside immediate family .

I try and keep life as simple as possible. Our house is very tidy and well-organised. I also use spreadsheets for everything plus lists, a diary and email reminders.

Sounds like you just need a to do list weekly. A little notebook would be fine. One page per week. Tick off what gets done. Whatever doesn't get done just write onto next week's list.
Can do categories. But essentially it's a brain dump.

Mum's diary does a beautiful notebook that I use as a bullet journal. It's perfect for all the thinking notes you mention.

We have one of these. Cheap and cheerful.

[http://www.wilko.com/sticky-notes-memo-pads/wilko-weekly-planner-set/invt/0349365?nst=0&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInc-ZwrW32AIVjrvtCh2eVQCYEAQYBiABEgLHmvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds]

We have a paper calendar too. On a Sunday I update the board. Weekly things like clubs, music etc stay on all the time so it doesn't take long.

It means anyone in the family and my mum can see what's on.

If DH asks me something the DC say
"Commune with the board Dad."
"Mum's brain is on the board."

Diary where I write everything even months beforehand.
Wall/family calendar where I not everything as soon as it's mentioned.
Whiteboard in the kitchen where everyone has to write down their plans/things they need etc, if it's not there then it might not get done, they know this.
Same with a shopping list left in the kitchen - they must add what they want/need if it's not in our regular shopping list.
That said my DC are old enough to do this. When they were younger, things were a bit more chaotic