To ask how you manage your mental load?

[swimmingdory]

Work, the things you need to do, want to do, that the kids have on at school, the shopping lists, your diary dates, etc etc.

How do you manage it all? It’s one of the biggest things that exhaust me. Thinking all the time. I need to find a way to get it out of my head so I can focus more / sleep better.

So how do you manage it? A paper system? Combination of apps?

Family wall calendar - everyone has their own slot. I also have a 3 month planner for work purposes (Freelancer) and I have promised myself a go on Asana, later on this month. I also have Google calendars synced to mine and DH's phones for key work and school dates.

Shopping - we do a weekly meal plan and everyone has input. There is a running list on the fridge of things we are low on, so it's just a case of checking the cupboard, adding anything special for ingredients and going to Aldi.

Housework - 20 minutes for daily tasks (e.g. sweeping floors + sides + one load of washing). Myself or DH then does one "big" housework task on consecutive days, such as the beds, bathrooms and bins. I suspect this will be another one being tracked via the fridge when the DCs get older and join in.

Random tasks such as birthday gifts and bookings get assigned a day on the calendar for completion. I also use Funkypigeon for a lot of family and friend's birthdays - their reminders are useful!

Here is a pic

There's a kids party coming up next week so I need to remember to sort that card / gift.

I would have done that already. I buy 10 birthday cards and I keep them in the drawer.

As soon as I get the invite, I get a present straight away. Did you not get to the invite a few weeks ago. I find if I have the present 3 days before party, there's no stress. It only becomes stressful if the day before you realise and think oh bugger I now need to drive to nearest Tesco/nearest town with Argos/toys r us, to get gift. Do it early. No stress.

It's a friends birthday next week so I need to organise a night out.

Why arranging everything so late? 2 weeks before, set up a whataspp group. Get all the mums to agree what's happening. I need more than ham a weeks notice. Why is this all being done so late? Then online book a group restaurant / phone restaurant. Not hard.

There's a film coming out soon that I'd like to book tickets for.

Set reminders in diary to book as soon as it opens online.

The only bit I don't understand is your objection to reminders and not wanting to put it in your Diary, or else you feel you've got too much on.
I don't feel that way. I put it in Diary ASAP. If there's lots on, having it in your diary isn't what upsets you. It's the fact you have too much on. Which you need to address at the core. Ie say no to doing stuff/say no to ds going to a party/don't offer to arrange the friends birthday do.

Regarding trello: we have shared family boards for events such as Christmas / family holidays (9 adults, 1 child, self catering = bloody nightmare) which we use for planning meals and outings.
Mainly we use a 'domestic stuff' board just for me and DH. Currently it has lists for: Christmas holiday tasks, bedroom refurb garden refurb, JLP list, MrJLP list, and General Parlabane Home and Life Shite. Cards are allocated to each or both of us as agreed, with reminders and due dates as applicable.
I really feel like we share the mental load.

I check. At least weekly. That my I phone calendar matches family planner in dining room.

Check what is coming up this week, have I forgotten anything/do I have anything I need to do still- ie but present for child's birthday party.
Generally I don't. Because I've already done it all.

So what I'm actually doing is just verbally checking - I just check with Dh, our loud .... oh on Wednesday your going to the hospital.... Ds2 is going to Olivers birthday party. Then we all know what's coming up.

I am the most organised person I've ever met and this is not a fucking quality, but rather a flaw. Anyhow:

• I have a planner. I don't like weekly planners, always buying a daily one. My 2017 was a flowery one and used it properly, daily, 2018 one is a Moleskine, Alice in Wonderland themed. I love it, keeps me on top of things
• As soon as pay goes in I pay everything I need to pay, transfer a set amount to savings, then know exactly how much I have left to spend
• Keeping on top of things with cleaning, and doing small chores during the week
• This has been said before but batch cooking and meal planning save a lot of time!

I'll be back with some more as soon as I remember 😀

MissCheery how is it a flaw? Also would you mind moving in with me for a bit? Ta!

My mum is super organised and she does a new one of these every week. And writes a lot of lists.

I have a wall calendar and a diary which I keep synced. This year's diary is from paper chase with the diary part on one page and a blank page on the other which I will use as a to do list for that week. That way I can future plan things like buying cards and presents which I'm crap at. I also have a white board to jot down things as and when I remember then to be moved onto my to do list later. I use notes on my phone when I'm out and about for the same thing. For work stuff I'll send an email to myself as soon as something pops into my head. I've tried bullet journaling and fancy planners using stickers and all sorts but found it too time consuming and fussy.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I do appreciate them all.

I'm late with things because December tends to run away. I have three children, run my own business, my mother has been unwell, I'm the go to girl in my family and I also chair the pta. I know something needs to give, but the only bit that can really is the pta and that's the one part I mostly enjoy and feel like it's actually doing something for me. So in the first instance I'm trying to find a better way of coping with it all and just offloading some of the brain stuff so I don't feel so overwhelmed by it all. This isn't how it is all the time, there are times when it's quieter and everything coasts along, but November to February always just seem to be crazy for me.

I think, from what I've read from you all, I'm missing the half hour each day to just sit and collate my thoughts. I then need to get over myself and add more bits into my diary / task list or run a paper list of the non time-framed stuff.

Lists, mostly, but also going for saunas. It sounds strange, but a good sweat helps me mentally.

DP and I have recently started using a joint calendar on our phones -partly so he knows how much stuff I’m juggling!! I put reminders in there for things like birthdays so they don’t creep up on me.... That’s been invaluable.

I also keep a pen and paper by my bed, so that if I’m lying awake worrying that I’m going to forget something I write it down. That way I’m more easily able to go to sleep.

Also I’ve had to learn to say no to some stuff. That’s been a hard one as I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out. But sometimes I’ve been grateful later that I didn’t take on that extra thing.

Do you know what has helped my mental load?

Headspace.

I don't know why but because I'm training my mind to stop the endless whirring thoughts I find that I can tackle stuff much more calmly and methodically because the tools you use for mindfulness can be applied to organisation. My stress levels are reduced so I don't panic think IYSWIM. It allows me two short timeframes in the day (I do it just before I get up and just before I go to sleep) to literally get my shit together.

January is a big planning month. Check the whole year calendar for birthdays and a week or so before add in reminder to sort stuff.

If my iPad calendar disappeared we’d be totally fucked. Everything goes in there. Even silly things like clean tumble drier filter (recurring appt every six weeks).

I use Google Keep, it allows me to have lists and tick them off and add reminders that synchronise with the family google calendar.

I have a great app called Keep on my phone. DH also has it and it's synced between the phones.

We have an ongoing shopping list that we just add to, a "shortly" shopping list that we add things to that we won't need that week but will do shortly.

When we get letters from school with important dates on, we take a photo and upload it to Keep. We also keep lists of presents and passwords on it. I also have a couple of recipes saved on it for things I make a a lot.

We write birthdays, events (even school dress up days etc) and outings on our family planner calendar.

Um...I don't do much! I am in awe at the busyness of you people.
We have a wall calendar for kid stuff and usually ds writes on that.
I don't meal plan really. I buy presents at the last minute, or stick a bit of cash in a card if it's anyone between 8 and 25.
I do the bare minimum re PTA and school request and I don't feel guilty.
I'm sure it's nessecary to be really organised with 3 kids though.

We have a whiteboard on the kitchen wall.
It has tape dividing it into sections and each section has a heading, the headings change term time/holidays and seasonally

Example sections are

• Dinner - lists meals planned for the week ahead. We cross them off as they're made (helps to be able to see what we've eaten when planning next week)
• shopping - for anyone to add items we're short of/have run out of
• Diary - who's where (calendar hangs next to the whiteboard) esp good for parties (present needed) & DPs travel
• Bills
• Chores - older two can earn extra pocket money for completing extra chores unasked

Before Christmas we had present lists up there for about 2 months
Holiday ideas has just gone up

Both of us often photo the board before going out

I use an app called Todoist.
You can add tasks with or without a date/time. You can sort stuff into sub tasks or create projects. Or just stick things into an inbox to sort out later. I have a grocery list and to do list on the app and also lists of present ideas, stuff I want to get for myself, stuff that needs doing round the house. It’s easy to add stuff when I think of it. Once it’s on the app it’s not spinning round my head any more.
And you get points for ticking off the items you have done which is quite satisfying. I highly recommend it.

I use a Google calendar and a weekly whiteboard so the children can see what they need to do. It also helps remind me of things.

I also make a note of things I need to do for an event. So for a party, I put an event in 1-2 weeks before to buy a present. Or for a cake sale at school I put an event at the weekend before to bake Cakes. Likewise MOT etc.

I have a shopping list on the fridge we update things we've run out of. I update as I go along. DH is getting better at doing this. 😬

I bulk buy presents and cards though, to save the hassle for parties.

I've also started making a note in the calendar of when I have done something well in advance, so when it gets nearer the time I don't rebuy or rebook it on autopilot.

I don't Internet shop at present as the substitutions annoyed me, but I bulk buy food and meal plan.

I do sometimes think my brain is about to turn into a flip chart though.

@Rangelife - that's interesting re: headspace. I downloaded it a few days ago, but haven't got past the first meditation yet. Maybe I'll put more effort into it when I'm back at work...

I'm quite self conscious about it through. What does your DP think about it?

I need to start buying presents etc in advance.

I'm in awe of all these organized people. It took me over 20 years to get any type of a system going. Now I use a notebook (half A4) for everyday tasks, bullet points, can put them ahead in the week too. And a paper diary, one week per two pages, very brightly coloured so I can find it in my bag. Online/computer based organizers don't work for me as I can never remember where the list is or what it's called, plus I like to make notes/cross out/bold and so on and that's too much faff on the computer.

I also tick off jobs as I go, just for the satisfaction.

Make lists. One says 'today', one 'this week', another 'later'.
Offload. I have a penpal I write to, and I share worries with my husband, sister, friend or mum.
Make time for switching off. Run or have a bath or a walk.

DP is fine with it. I listen to it on my headphones. He's happy that I'm actually getting some sleep now!

I know what you mean about the mental load, and trying to tame the random tasks that seem to pop up all the time. This is what has helped me (still a work in progress):

Weekly List - every Saturday morning I sit down for 30 mins, and I have a pre-arranged list to run through. Somethings I might skip over most weeks of the year, but by being on the list I feel I have planned my worry to it. So if I think ‘oh, isn’t that coming up’ I immediately follow the thought with ‘ yes, but I will deal with it on Saturday, so no need to think about it now.’ EG:

• Any birthdays in the next 2 weeks? Write a card then and there to post on Monday (I buy a big bunch of cards in advance). If it is a birthday for someone close to me and therefore needs a special card/gift I go online to buy the gift then, or factor in buying the gift to my week.
• Check through upcoming movies, plays, events (tennis etc) and if I find something I want to go to, I send off texts asking if people want to come. This works well as I can think about who I haven’t seen in awhile and who might like certain events. The answers usually filter back over the week and the following Saturday morning I’ll buy the tickets, send out another text telling the people who said yes how much, and suggesting dinner/coffee beforehand etc. The key to this is doing it with enough time to cover a few Saturdays. But this shouldn’t be a problem if you are looking at it every Saturday (like me, you’ll probably find you are one of the first people to book tickets!)
• other things I add to the list include: car need service? Holidays I want to book? Wedding anniversaries, parent teacher nights or Easter long weekends to start planning for? Clothes to buy (eg winter coat, etc), check of finances, pay bills online (if not direct debit), respond to any mail, etc etc.

The key to this is having the list of things to already think about. It wouldn’t free up ‘mental load’ space for me if I had to write down things during the week. (Sounds weird I know, but it works for me).

Headpace Meditation App - this has been amazing. I really enjoy Headspace and now pay for it, but I think it has a free trial. It’s not a quick fix, but it SO helps to calm the swirling vortex of thoughts! People all have different views on what mediation program is best (Headspace vs Calm vs no program etc etc). Don’t get hung up on that. Find one, start with it and experiment with others on the way. The end goal is the same.