Calling people autistic (Title edited by MNHQ)

[Rossigigi]

This is only trivial to some but it's annoyed me to hell.

Ds13, has just started calling us all autistic, and using it when to refer to friends, e.g X is autistic.

So I just cornered him in the living room and said 'I do not like it when you call people autistic, it is disrespectful to those who are on the spectrum and their families.

He said 'why are you getting so triggered? I'm only joking!'

So I asked do you actually know what it is?

He said 'when people have difficulty in things like maths, they punch things when they are angry, and they can not behave properly in social situations because they do not understand emotions'

So I said, you've got some things right, however other things not
so much'

So we've had a conversation on what autism is, how it affects people differently and so on.

But I still feel really uneasy. I don't know where he has got it from? What else can I say to ensure he does not use this type of language in the future. I know this is minor to some people, but having worked for years with those who do have autism, this, has he would say has 'triggered' me!

Moonshine86 -don't get overly worried about this. My son who is ASD is 8 and my nephew who also has ASD is 15 and we have only come across people who are largely understating. I well imagine some teens use this as an insult as some teens can be mean about all sorts of people - but we haven't come across this.

Sorry, I didn't mean adhd was cool, that was really crap of me to say.
At dd's school ADHD is seen as less of a stigma then ASD, but I get that it's still shit, sorry.

When it comes to insults, autistic is the insult of choice, and children's attitudes towards it are subtly backed up by adults, dd had a teacher smirking at her in solidarity when an autistic pupil was upset about something. When the same autistic child was standing for the student council and delivering a speech about how she wanted to beat bullying, teachers were seen rolling their eyes at each other. As an insult it's not going to go away when some teachers clearly have crappy views about it, and are allowed to get away with not supporting children and seeing them as an inconvenience.

Children and teenagers are arseholes.

They say things to each other that would get you sacked at work if you did so as an adult.

They need telling over and over and over.

I guess they are just using it the same way spastic or retard once was used.

ObscuredbyFog

It only takes a moment's attention to stop it in its tracks.

It doesn't "only take a moment". It is a constant battle in schools to try and stop this.

And whoever said this What I find most upsetting is that any racist language or perceived racism is come down on like a tonne of bricks and needs reporting to LA etc. There are no such rules with disablism. is spot on.
Disablism and bullying disabled pupils is fair game apparently.

When the same autistic child was standing for the student council and delivering a speech about how she wanted to beat bullying, teachers were seen rolling their eyes at each other

Seriously? Did you complain? Thay’s awful.

I had to complain when I saw someone in Virgin rolling their eyes at someone with learning disabilities making a purchase. (Had the shittiest response as well - I tavoid shopping in Virgin now).

Fairylea, please report posters who suggest, with a head tilt, that someone abusive might be on the spectrum. As you say, it has become far too common on here, particularly on the Relationships board. Some posters love to diagnose conditions from a distance. It is really distasteful.

Dd complained. By that point I'd already complained about other teachers (one and a TA openly laughing at the same autistic child), but it's ignored, there's no evidence, just someone's word that this is happening, and they weren't interested.
At ds2's primary school I saw two boys bully an autistic boy, calling him an autistic fuck (nice pair of 10 yr old boys) and chasing him. I pulled them up then went to see the HT who blanked me and told me it didn't happen

Devilish, I complained to Primark for the same, staff members laughing at a customer, I didn't have a reply.
Some people are shitty.

Exactly, MrsMuddle. I know far more people who are just arseholes. I know a lot of people with autism and most of them aren't arseholes.

Thank you for the clarification, CloudPerson, and that's a horrible attitude from the teachers there.

I hate the idea that ‘we’re all on the spectrum’ and that everyone is ‘a bit autistic’.
People are talking about autism more but there is so much to learn as it’s such a complex condition. A lot of the talk I hear is quite dismissive and it makes me sad.

My autistic ds2 has had to leave school due to the bullying. He has no friends and can’t do the things that kids his age just take for granted (like playing out).

You just tell them the next time they use disablist language you'll do x punishment.

Ffs.

It's not fucking trivial.

And the fact you've let your son get to 13 without knowing what autism is, says a lot about why he thinks it's okay to use hate speech.

This is only trivial to some but it's annoyed me to hell.
It's not trivial to someone who's autistic. Try showing him this thread for starters. FFS what sort of little shit uses that as a 'joking' insult?!

Cloud it was me that said that.

We had direct experience. Ds uses a racist term he copied from other kids. He was wrong and was severely punished and it went to LA as logged racism.

He has ASD and had no understanding of what he said but it was taken it seriously that he asks an adult if he doesn't know or understand a word.
He had an awful time when in English they read a book with racist language because he couldn't understand why they could use it that way.

However he has suffered disablist insults. Teachers pull the kids aside and explain why it's wrong. They don't assume the NT kids have a full understanding of what they are saying. He has been called a spastic cunt in front of teachers who have said to report to his tutor.

It's not in any way shape or form treated as seriously as racism and that is such a sad fact.

Maybe that's what we could do this year? Start petitioning the government to draw up a policy for disablism?

It certainly isn't in wide spread use at dd's school/ her circle. But that could be down to it being super selective, so either dc have previous genuine knowledge, or their only experience is Hfa and dc who conform for the most part.

Retard was common at her primary, mainly due to a handful of delightful parents who must have been the source of such inclusive statements as 'x should be in a retard school'. School did stamp on it but I can't imagine the same parents being remotely bothered if their now teens are using autistic instead.

Parents should parent their kids so that they have an understanding of disability, it’s effects and implications. We found that when DS was in primary school, the teaching included discussion on difference, acceptance and tolerance. By the time my asd son left secondary, he was a nervous wreck and forever taunted by his peers. Many of whom had gone through primary with him.

I think schools should “name and shame” those who think disabled children are to be ridiculed. Instead, the pussyfoot about, and do half arsed inclusion meetings. Waste of time.

If either of mine used this sort of thing as an insult I’d treat it exactly the same way as if they were saying racist things. There would be an almighty bollocking coming their way basically. Hopefully mine never ever will especially as 1 is definitely autistic (officially diagnosed) and the other possibly is too. Also it’s a vile thing to say anyway.

youarekiddingme this is why I’m terrified for my lovely young son who is autistic. I hate to think people will be that cruel to him and worse, get away with it. It’s bad enough now for him in the infants, being left out and stared at by other children. I would definitely sign that petition! Being disablist is as bad as racism (in my opinion).

Little and a hug.

You are right to be apprehensive; I wish I could say different. Does your son have siblings? I’m sure that makes a big difference. For my son (now 17) it was always so. When we walk down the street together now, I want to shout at people “stop gawping”. He’s a nice looking, tall young man but, he’s obviously different and people just cannot help but stare and comment.

Am I angry? You bet.

Maybe that's what we could do this year? Start petitioning the government to draw up a policy for disablism?

I’m in! @MNHQ is this something you’d support?

Adults make taboo a current word (that was a clinically valid word like "spastic") because children have turned it into a casual playground insult: "mong" "spaz" etc. But they turn our new PC words into insults before long

Agree with this. We can't even use the term 'special needs' at school now because the children use 'speshul' as an insult. We say 'additional needs' now but I don't know how long it will be before we start hearing 'omg you're so adishunal' on the playground (spelling errors to show the 'duh' kind of voice that they say it in)

Never heard autistic used as an insult though.

That's so true about 'spastic'.

Even to the point my dad (born in 50's and secondary teacher from 70's onwards) hates me using the term spasticity when talking about ds legs/arms and neuro visits etc because of the connotations he's heard it used as. Ds takes baclofen which is an anti spastic medication but we use the term 'muscle spasms'.

Other kids call him spastic though - medically it's correct (iyswim?) but it's used as an insult. Especially when added with cunt.